Oh, Danny Boy...

See, the thing is, you can ingest all the hillbilly heroin you want, and lift weights until yr ripped like a gay porn star, but if yr popularly known as "Danny", you will always be popularly known as "Danny", and no amount of shirtless appearances at Hollywood costume parties will ever make you "Dan".

Hotcha!
Hank

Words, like a shotgun blast to the face...

According to "His Excellency President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Dick Cheney, VC, DSO, MC, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea, and Conqueror of the Baa'thist Empire in The Fertile Crescent in General and Iraq in Particular", the terrorists want the Democrats to win next week's midterm elections and take back control of Congress because Democrats are pussy pushovers who will immediately cut and run from the middle east, leaving Iraq to spiral downward into chaos and bloodshed, the likes of which we haven't seen since earlier this afternoon, or possibly last week.

And, of course, if we do cut and run from Iraq, well, that means less money for corporations like, say, Halliburton, and of course, that means less retirement money waiting for Cheney in January of 2009 when he re-enters the private sector, because, well, Uncle Dick owns approximately 433,000 shares of Halliburton, currently worth in excess of $8 million.

But it's not about the money, kids...No sirree...It's about the stiffy Cheney gets whenever he thinks about death...Or oil.

So, let's get out there next Tuesday, and vote Republican with fervor, babycakes, because a despondent and slightly poorer Dick Cheney isn't good for anyone.

Hotcha!
Hank

Royksopp: Remind Me

Enjoy the nifty Royksopp video.

Hotcha! Hank

Waiting For The Great Leap Forwards

Just in case the original lyrics of "Waiting For The Great Leap Forwards" don't quite speak to you, here's an updated and appropriately scathing version that actually improves upon the original.

And if you still think punk music requires a healthy dose of nihilism and an account at Hot Topic's website, well, I feel sorry for ya, kid.

Hotcha! Hank

Something 4 The Weekend # 11

Billy Bragg: Waiting For The Great Leap Forwards: 128kbps mp3

"It may have been Camelot for Jack and Jacqueline
But on the Che Guevara highway filling up with gasoline
Fidel Castro's brother spies a rich lady who's crying
Over luxury's disappointment
So he walks over and he's trying
To sympathise with her but he thinks that he should warn her
That the Third World is just around the corner

In the Soviet Union a scientist is blinded
By the resumption of nuclear testing and he is reminded
That Dr Robert Oppenheimer's optimism fell
At the first hurdle

In the Cheese Pavilion and the only noise I hear
Is the sound of someone stacking chairs
And mopping up spilt beer
And someone asking questions and basking in the light
Of the fifteen fame filled minutes of the fanzine writer

Mixing Pop and Politics he asks me what the use is
I offer him embarrassment and my usual excuses
While looking down the corridor
Out to where the van is waiting
I'm looking for the Great Leap Forwards

Jumble sales are organised and pamphlets have been posted
Even after closing time there's still parties to be hosted
You can be active with the activists
Or sleep in with the sleepers
While you're waiting for the Great Leap Forwards

One leap forward, two leaps back
Will politics get me the sack?
Here comes the future and you can't run from it
If you've got a blacklist I want to be on it

It's a mighty long way down rock 'n roll
From Top of the Pops to drawing the dole

If no one seems to understand
Start your own revolution and cut out the middleman

In a perfect world we'd all sing in tune
But this is reality so give me some room

So join the struggle while you may
The Revolution is just a T-shirt away
Waiting for the Great Leap Forwards"

words -by- Billy Bragg

Hotcha! Hank

Blogging With Myself

"Dancing With Myself" is a euphemism for masturbation, or at least that's what I learned from some article in Rolling Stone magazine when I was an impressionable teenager and Billy Idol was one of the most popular artist in the early days of MTV.

There's a part of me that truly believes blogging is masturbatory. We share our lives and thoughts and feelings and interests with a world wide web that mostly doesn't care, though we've somehow convinced ourselves that what we share matters, and that there are those people out there who DO care.

But it's impossible to fool oneself when there's really is nobody out there, which by and large appears to be the case with HOT POOP. But before you, dear non-reader, come to the conclusion that I'm just feeling sorry for myself, I should point out that I come across many blogs like mine that appear to be trapped alone in a vacuum of indifference, and so there are sooo many of us who are blogging with ourselves, and the only question I ever ask, again and again, is why do we keep on doing it?

The only answer that even approaches some sort of sense is absolutely Cartesian - by blogging, even when nobody is paying attention, we at least confirm our very existence, and I guess that's important. I blog, therefore, I am.

So, I'm posting this Billy Idol video, and I'll watch it again, remembering a time when the internet didn't exist, and my friends would pass me in the hall at school and say "What's shaking, LaRue?", cuz LaRue was one of my nicknames back then, and it was proof that I existed and maybe even mattered. Ah, the follies of youth.

Hotcha! Hank

Unsung Pizza

When you are low and life is making you lonely, you can always go...YouTube.

Hotcha! Hank

A Receptionist named Pam

Jenna Fischer plays Pam, Dunder-Mifflin's receptionist on television's best comedy, The Office, and I think we're all aware of the collective lust that exists out there for Jenna.

Jenna/Pam is the Girl Next Door, and isn't the girl next door always the most appealing? In Hollywood, of course, the girl next door is the girl the boy marries, like Donna Pinciotti on That 70's Show...The girl next door is THE ONE. Pam is the one for Jim on The Office, right?
I thought Tammy T. was The One, once upon a time...You had to be there.

There's a wholesomeness to the girl next door, making her a girl you can take home to mother, but then, since she's right next door, the girl next door and yr moms have known each other a long, long time. Hell, yr mom probably babysat the girl next door a few times.

(I know, I know, "the girl next door" ain't a literal thing.)

Of course, there's the twist built into the Girl Next Door motif, a twist best represented by that old saying, "It's the quiet ones ya gotta look out for." Put simply, at those times when those of us lust for Jenna/Pam, it is with the idea that beneath those high-buttoned blouses and heavy sweaters, there is a wild woman, and when she shakes the ribbon from her hair, well, things might just get a little bit freaky...

If The Office had been The Library, Pam would still be Pam, ya know?

If Jenna Fischer had played Lisa on News Radio, she'd still be Pam.

Huh?


Anyways, this is as good a time as any to share my own particular lust for television anchorwomen.

Liz Talbot, where are you?????

Hotcha! Hank

Something 4 The Weekend # 10

Professor Murder is one of those hipster bands outta New York City that all the NYC hipster kids are blogging live at Knitting Factory gigs, and when they take subway home they rock Professor Murder Rides The Subway on their iPods with an irony that isn't. I've never been to New York, so I'm not sure how the kids swing out there, but I bet that just across the street and down the block from the Knitting Factory, there's one of those Last Night's Party parties happening, and let's not kid ourselves, those downtown NYC hipster chicks gone wild no different than a 2 am infomercial. I think I'm digressing.

Professor Murder is good party music cuz it gets the balls swinging and the tits bouncing and the guy who's working the lights is really fucking good, man. And that's what it's all about when the weekend rolls around.

Professor Murder: Free Stress Test: 128kbps mp3


Hotcha! Hank

Lesson Learned

You know, I was thinking about having some plastic surgery done - nothing too drastic, just cheek implants, nostril reduction, and maybe some collagen injections for my lips - but after seeing the aftermath of Kevin Spacey's recent plastic surgery disaster, I think I'm just gonna leave my incredibly handsome face alone. I mean, Kevin Spacey was never the most attractive man, but quite frankly, now he's ruined.

Hotcha! Hank

THEY LIED

My friend Lisa visited from the Chicago burbs a couple weeks ago, and she spotted this bit of graffiti on Willie Street, pulled over, and took this picture, which turned out rather nicely...

Actually, it probably isn't right to call this "graffiti"...After all, there's a frame...

THEY LIED

This is Madison, WI, which has been historically one of the most liberal/progressive cities in the United States. I don't know exactly how true that is anymore, outside the walls of UW, but we DID give Kerry about 80% of the vote in 2004, and that's saying something.

The Willie Street neighborhood has gentrified alot over the past decade, but at least those $400,000 houses are owned by rich hippies, and those rich hippies know who lied...

Chances are, you knew exactly who lied the moment you saw this picture too.

THEY LIED. They all lie.

Some lie better than others, and some just lie more than others, but every last one of 'em do it, cuz that's what politicians do.

I had forgotten about this when Lisa emailed me a few days ago, and then she sent me the picture, and...Even when I'm not smoked out every day, I tend to forget.

Hi Lisa!

Anyways, the most interesting part of this picture, the thing that makes it brilliantly perfect, is that sign at the corner that reads

WE BUY.

Hotcha! Hank

The Ugly American

Good men died for this.

Hotcha! Hank

Weird Al: Close But No Cigar [video]

This Weird Al video is courtesy of John K., and you probably recognize the name, not to mention his animation style. He's responsible for Ren & Stimpy, babycakes! In this particular video, he's responsible for a bunch of smokin' animated hotties, and there's nothing wrong with that.

The song itself is not a parody of any existing song, but rather, is apparently a "parody" of the rock band Cake's typical sound, though I'd like to think it's actually an "homage", cuz I really like Cake...Enjoy!

Hotcha! Hank

Something 4 The Weekend # 9

The Mars Cheese Castle is right off I-43 in Kenosha, Wisconsin. As you probably have guessed, it is a store that sells cheese. Tons of cheese. All sorts of cheese.

And alot of sausage, but this ain't about sausage. Hell, this ain't really about cheese either.

This is about DJ Mars Cheese Castle, a friend of mine from the greater Chicago area. He makes music that is sans fromage...Is that right? Music of the non-cheese variety...Like this song, for example...

DJ Mars Cheese Castle: "4/4 (Fresh Battery Dub)": 128kbps mp3

This song reminds me of something Mr. Oizo might do, except this is much better...

Shout out to Nort Weston!

Hotcha!
Hank

Stick Magnetic Ribbons on Yr SUV

This refreshing performance is by a group called The Asylum Street Spankers, and it addresses one of the most ridiculous sights in modern America - those assorted magnetic stickers that adorn automobiles, thus insuring the car's owner that they're "making a difference" while in reality being able to maintain complete apathy.

Don Henley mentioned "deadhead stickers on a Cadillac" many years ago, illustrating incongruous ideals, and nowadays it's "support our troops stickers on an SUV".

Wanna support our troops? Sell yr fucking Navigator and quit voting for fundamentalist, war-mongerers who would rather see the rapture than actual peace in our lifetime.

Hotcha! Hank

Huh? Wha?

Scripps Research Institute has just concluded some sort of study in which they claim that the THC in marijuana can and does help stave off Alzheimer's Disease.

Here's an MSNBC link!

As we all should know by now, some of the symptoms of Alzheimer's include:

*memory loss

*impaired decision-making

*diminished motor skills

*diminished language skills

But hey, according to our buds at Scripps, if we smoke plenty of weed, we may very well avoid contracting Alzheimer's and these very symptoms.

And with that bit of irony, I offer you all a hearty *snicker* this lovely October afternoon.

Now, I'm off to pull some tubes with Kim Fields.

Hotcha!
Hank

Smokin' Jelly Beans!

Granted, this clip from The Facts Of Life will only appeal to hardcore stoners and those who find Mrs. Garrett (Milwaukee native, yo!) impossibly hottt, but I've found after very extensive and expensive marketing research, that stoners and "GILF Hunters" are my main demographic. Go figure.

Hotcha! Hank

More Gravy!

Why did Matthew McConaughey brush his teeth as he crossed the road?


Jake Gyllenhaal is rather hirsute.

Hotcha! Hank

Something 4 The Weekend # 8

Aretha Franklin. King Curtis and his band. A Stephen Stills song. Live at Fillmore West...
A heady mixture of the sacred and the profane. The gospel of getting it on...

Aretha Franklin: "Love The One You're With": 128kbps mp3

I think this is gonna be a very good weekend...

Hotcha!
Hank

Commercial Break

His name is Gil, and he pinches.

Hotcha!
Hank

Okami

Okami is a new PS2 video game, and it is without a doubt the most beautiful video game I've ever seen...This is a trailer for the unfinished Japanese version, so rest assured the finished game is even more impressive...And yeah, I haven't forgotten it's a game, and as such, it's shaping up to be a great action/adventure thriller...

Essentially you are the God Amaterasu, in the guise of a white wolf, and it is your duty to save and restore the world from the evil clutches of a seven-headed dragon/demon...Aside from fighting, you have THE CELESTIAL BRUSH, and with this brush, you can essentially "paint reality"...Hopefully this video trailer gives you an idea of what this fantastic game is about...

Hotcha! Hank

This Heat: "Makeshift Swahili"

This Heat was this strange, tangential post-punk anti-prog band outta Brixton, UK...One of those bands that is so ahead of their time that they're actually rather timeless...Like Pere Ubu, or Wire...Can...

Anyways, this video has rather horrid audio, but when it's one of the greatest bands hardly anyone's ever heard of, ya make exceptions...Ya let it slide...This song is called "Makeshift Swahili", and this performance probably dates to around 1982...

Another reason why YouTube rocks...Another reason why information should be free...This is culture at work, people...Sharing information, ideas...Fight for net neutrality...

Hotcha! Hank

With A Side Of Gravy, Please!

Why did Matthew McConaughey brush his teeth as he crossed the road?



Ach, the chicken was a bit stringy and dry.

Hotcha! Hank

Mmmmmmonica Bellucci

This lovely picture of the incomparable Monica Bellucci is not knowledge, it's just a bit of sexy information. Click to enlarge for maximum processing!

Hotcha! Hank

EVERYTHINGATHON! October 2006

Tis the ghoulish month of the year, so I've got an especially sinister EVERYTHINGATHON! for all you babycakes, available for streaming and downloading at The Butterscotch Threshold, my main website...

Smokin' Bowls & Readin' Poe

The title says everything you need to know...Enjoy!

Hotcha! Hank