Something 4 The Weekend # 253
Zounds: The Curse Of Zounds: "Can't Cheat Karma" [mp3]
Grafton High School cafeteria, circa 1982. My girlfriend Pamela sat at a large, round table with approximately eight or ten of her girlfriends. I sat at another large round table with my friends just twenty feet away. My friends were daring me to do a swan dive onto my girlfriend's table, offering money, and so I egged them on, trying to secure more cash. When the pool hit $100, I stood up unannounced, accelerated quickly towards the girl's table, and launched myself in a high, graceful arc towards the middle of that round target. I remember how slowly those couple of seconds lasted before impact. I remember making eye contact with Sue K during those two seconds, and I remember the horror in her eyes.
It is here that I must tell you that the large round table onto which I was diving was the kind of table that folds in the middle, and on that fateful day that table was not secured, or was simply the kind of table that never secured, and when I landed I was aligned with the gap between the two leaves of the table, and so the whole thing folded under my weight, the two half-circles collapsing in the middle, flipping trays of food upward, and sending nine or eleven sophomore girls screaming from the calamity.
I collected my $100 from my friends, who were roaring with delight at my stunt, with many of the other 500 kids in th cafeteria that day applauding, many of them standing to do so.
I then got a verbal beatdown from Vice-Principal Bliese, a monstrous 6'6" 350 pound man whom everyone feared. I also got the mop from the janitors and had to clean up the mess I had made.
I then got suspended the rest of the week (two days, BFD!)...
But the worst of it was the fact that Donna K got grape juice all over her pink cashmere sweater, which I had to replace at a cost of $85, leaving me a whopping $15 for my effort.