04 November 2009

The Belle Sinking Sideways

See, here's one of my greatest fears, of which I have many...Phobias might be a better word, but whatever...

I have an almost deathly fear of water, of large bodies of water, and of being submerged in said bodies...

And I'm an Aquarius, babycakes!

I've had a reoccurring dream since about the age of six or seven, of barely treading water out in the middle of the ocean in the middle of a black, black night. I've had this dream at least two dozen times in my life, and half of the time the dream is nothing more than that - me floating in the ocean at night - except to say that there is an overwhelming feeling of helplessness, that the situation will never change, a feeling that borders on dread. What is in the dark, dark waters beneath my feet? What toothy death awaits?

Like I said, half the time I wake up before anything happens, though there have been variations of the dream. At some point in my teens, I began dreaming that there was a door in the sky, just out of my reach, a few feet above the water. So of course, there was hope in the dream now. Hope that my paddling and the fate of the swelling ocean would lift me to this door.

Which it did, eventually. On the other side of the door, I found myself in a long, white corridor. Extremely clean and brilliantly white like a brand-new hospital, except it was also extremely empty. At one end of this long corridor was a glass counter, and behind counter was a voluptuous Hispanic woman in a nurse's uniform. Ahh, puberty...

I walked the long corridor towards the woman, passing door after door on both sides, until finally she stood in front of me. I spoke to her, asking her the questions you might expect me to ask - Who are you? Where am I? What the fuckity fuck fuck is going on? Are you God? Goddess? Can I see your boobs?

The Goddess never spoke and never showed me her boobs, but she did hand me a fairly large, black spider encased in amber, and at this point I should note that I have a fairly strong fear of spiders.

I turn and walk down the hall away from the woman. Some of the doors are now open, revealing random scenes of life on earth, including the middle of the black ocean at night. I keep walking towards the opposite end of the corridor, which is so far away at this point as to be a brilliant white pinpoint in the distance.

I've never made it anywhere near that brilliant point, but I do have to mention that one time about ten years ago I had this dream, and the door from which I had came from had another guy floating in it as I passed, and I heard his yelling, and so I lay down on my stomach, dangling my arms down towards him who was splashing about no more than twenty feet down and away from me.

This went on for awhile, until the fate of the ocean took him out of sight and sound of me and the door...

Then I woke up.

Hotcha! Hank

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