Something 4 The Weekend # 211

Au Pairs: Playing With A Different Sex: "We're So Cool" [mp3]

We were doing whippits in a kitchen in a duplex half a block off Brady Street in Milwaukee. We were drinking assorted liquors and smoking weed and some of us were snorting coke and dust, and others licked toads and ate fungii and who the fuck knows what else. There were seven or nineteen of us in the kitchen doing things, and some of us were playing Sheepshead.

There was a small Puerto Rican dude passed out in the back hallway with his pants pulled down and a small erection in his purple grundies, but we didn't know that for awhile.

Eventually one of us opened the kitchen door to get more toads, or something, found the small Puerto Rican dude passed out in the back hallway with his thumb in his mouth and a bunch of us laughed because we were doing whippits and whatnot. I remember he smelled like deep-fried fish and one of those Calvin Klein colognes.

Naturally, because the kitchen and all of us were full of Schedule 1 substances, we quickly decided the small dude with the small erection needed to be somewhere else, like in the shrubs on the side of the Walgreen's three doors down. I think that was Betty's idea.

Me and Shortbus, being two large, strong men with the least serious substances in our systems at that time, fireman-carried the guy to Walgreen's, but by the time we got him there, he was foaming at the mouth and starting to moan.

So yeah, shit got really real right then, and I made a call from the payphone on the corner (this was like, 1988, you know?) and now there were a couple of girls gathered, so Shortbus and I slinked off through the backyards because there was no way we were dealing with cops and paramedics.

Eventually the flashing lights that bounced off the living room window and through the dining room and into the kitchen in the duplex three doors down were gone, and we went back to smoking and snorting and licking and Sheepshead. At some point Murph said, "man, I wish we had whatever that dude had", and we laughed and partied just a little bit harder.

Hotcha! Hank