Hell Comes To America

Is it hot by you, my fellow Americans? I'll tell ya what, it's hotter than fucking fuck here in Madison, Wisconsin...

It's so fucking hot here in Madison that my balls fell off. Ayup! Plop, they just dropped, and before I could scoop 'em back up, they melted and fell through the gaps between the boards on the smoking deck at work.

It's so fucking hot here in Madison that my cigarettes are lighting themselves. "Spontaneous combustion", I believe the scientists call it.

It's so fucking hot here in Madison that I punched my coworker Jim in the balls for having the balls to ask me, "Hot enough for you, Hank?". Fortunately for him, his balls had fallen off earlier in the day.

It's so fucking hot here in Madison that I refuse to sit here and try to think up more examples of just how fucking hot it is here in Madison today.

Let's go to the map:

Sweet holy Jesus it's so hot in Colorado that half the state is on fire. But that's nothing - see that pink section from Kansas down through Oklahoma and into northern Texas? It's so fucking ungodly hot down there that people are vaporizing into a fine pink mist that is now hovering over that entire section of the country!!!!!

I guess I shouldn't complain about my balls.

Hotcha!
Hank