Perbert

I don't know what to make of this. He looks like a perverted Bert, so I call him Perbert.

Hotcha! Hank

The Power Of Pussy!

Cats rule!

Hotcha! Hank

Look What The Cat Rolled In

Hotcha! Hank

Night Of The Living Bacon!

I was trying to think of something clever to write about bacon.

I thought about making fun of the internet's creepy and zombie-like obsession with bacon, but couldn't really come up with anything more astute or interesting than the idea that the vast majority of people on the internet are either too witless or too scared to have an original, non-zombie thought.

"BAAAAAACONNNNNN!!!!!"

Eventually, enough of the "right" internet pundits laud the glories of bacon, and pretty soon everybody is doing the same. You would think that bacon was some brilliant new discovery, the way we gush about it, but bacon has always been fucking delicious. Long before the internet and your low-carb diet, babycakes. I guess if there's a silver lining in all this, at least it can be said that the internet has actually embraced something worthwhile for a change. Unlike zombies or Nathan Fillion.

"FIIIILLLLLIONNNNNN!!!!!!"

I enjoy bacon. Not as much as butterscotch pudding, but my version of the BLT (butterscotch, lettuce and tomato) admittedly tastes like shit, so I won't bother going there...

I enjoy bacon, but cannot bring myself to creepily adore it. What I can do is create a BACON tag, and hope to drive some traffic towards this useless blog.

Now, would somebody please do everybody a favor, and write some fanfic regarding bacon and a zombified Nathan Fillion? Or a regular Nathan Fillion eating Zombie Bacon™?

That way, most of us win.

Hotcha! Hank

A Message To The People Of Stubbington, Hampshire

Are you people nuts?!? You don't stand around idly gawking in awe at a purple fucking squirrel! And you certainly don't name him "Pete"!! Yes, I realize this thing is hanging around the grounds of Meoncross School, and it's bad enough that the kids find him cute and harmless, but allowing them to name the nasty creature is only asking for true and lasting emotional trauma when this thing that they love and have humanized turns viciously on one of them, and trust me, this thing will...My point is, you never make friends with a purple fucking squirrel!!!

If you see a purple fucking squirrel you do two things...

FIRST - You run away as fast as possible without looking back. In this case, you close down that school immediately, lock it up, and then...

SECONDLY - You kill the damn thing. You don't even trap it, you kill it. In this case, the best marksmen on the local police force should use a 12 gauge shotgun with a full choke, and some 4 (or even 3) Buckshot...Yes, I know the common wisdom is using 5 or 6 shot, but this is a purple fucking squirrel, and you want him dead, in several large pieces, so have the constable use something meant for a much larger animal. If he uses the conventional 5 or 6 shot, you might as well just give all the kids at Meoncross some BB guns and let them take futile potshots at "Pete" from their classroom windows.

My point is - now is no time to be cute or conservative. Full-choke 12 gauge buckshot, right now. And after the marksmen is sure the thing is dead, have him blast the head one last time with a slug.

No mercy for purple fucking squirrels!!!!!

Hotcha! Hank

Meanwhile In Innsbruck...

There was 15 inches of snow on my car, so I actually used the snowshovel to clean it off cuz the brush just wasn't gonna cut it...And then I got down to business of shoveling my driveway...

But first - I actually got out my stainless steel yardstick and measured the snow, which was 12-15 inches deep in most places, depending on the drifting...The snowbank that the plows had left across the end of the driveway was 27 inches deep. I always leave that shit for last...

And so I shoveled.

*bend and push and lift and throw*
*bend and push and lift and throw*
*bend and push and lift and throw*

Did that for about an hour or so, stopping every ten minutes to catch my breath and wipe the half-frozen snot from my moustache and beard, adjust the thermal longjohns getting scrunched up under my oldest, rattiest pair of jeans...

And the whole time I daydreamed about Innsbruck...I thought about the Alps, and how they must look through the expansive windows of a warm and rustic ski lodge...I imagined Winona Ryder snuggled up next to me, under a blanket in front of a fire...We examined a map of the ski runs around Innsbruck, and talked about which one we would attempt next...All eyes were on Hoadhaus, and then I had shoveled my way to the daunting 27 inches of the snowbank at the end of the driveway...Innsbruck and Winona would have to wait, there was serious work to do...

(I'll shovel out the mailbox tomorrow...)

Hotcha! Hank

Thus Spake...

Thus spoke the devil to me once: “God too has his hell: that is his love of man.” - Nietzsche

Hotcha! Hank

3/4 Thee Fractioneer

Sexy? Check it...

Hotcha! Hank

The Unmitigated Ego of Some Plants

You should see the Salsa Silo...

Hotcha! Hank

Sideways Beatle Maneuver Filler

This is the Dakota Apartments building in NYC, circa 1890. John Lennon was assassinated in the lobby of the main entrance [seen in this photo] about 90 years later...

And yes, that is a witch on a broomstick in the skies above...

As always, click to enlarge...

Hotcha! Hank

Within You, Above You

The Beatles, from a slightly different perspective than we're used to seeing them, or any band...

Maybe I'm a bit amazed by the number of cables they apparently needed...

Hotcha! Hank

[insert Los Fabulosos Cadillacs song here]

Thriller or Filler?

Hotcha! Hank

Albinos are NOT ghosts...Albinos are NOT ghosts...

I'm sorry, but that dude in the background has been haunting me ever since I saw this picture over the weekend. He haunts my dreams, natch, but he also haunts my waking life, and directly caused a very serious binder clip accident that may now require surgery.

I keep telling myself that albinos are not ghosts, but how can I be sure?

Hotcha! Hank

Yeah, I agree - Titanic SUCKED

Hotcha! Hank

Those Damn Hungarians

A very reliable crack addict who hangs out at the Mobil station up the street once told me that Hungarians enjoy urinating in public. Or was that a dream? Either way, it would appear somebody's shoes are getting wet.

Hotcha! Hank

Hugo Mouse

It's funny, alot of people around the world, including Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, take a certain amount of satisfaction by hating America and its values, but in the end, dammit if they won't go to Disneyland.

It's a small world, after all.

Hotcha! Hank

ALERT! DEFCON 7!!!!!!!

My home PC unexpectedly crashed a couple of nights ago, and attempts to fix the problem have been unsuccessful. It was the impetus I needed to finally buy a new PC, which I had been contemplating for the past year.

Of course, this means that this HOT POOP blog and EVERYTHINGATHON! are not going to be active for the next 1-3 weeks, depending on how fast DELL can deliver my new PC, and how quickly I can get all the appropriate software programs and files onto that new PC.

So, until next time in the very near future, I leave you with this, which is NOT an endorsement by yours truly for Barack Obama. I just ran across this picture somewhere on the net, and thought it was a pretty well-done PS...

BTW - I am voting for Barack Obama this November, and I urge all other voting Americans to do the same.

Hotcha! Hank

Uniforms and Rituals

Humility was apparently a big concern in my family, because growing up there were two sayings I used to hear more than any other.

"Don't break your arm patting yourself on the back."

-and-

"You think your shit doesn't stink, but your farts give you away."

[insert clever segue here]

The above advertisement was found in Issue 87 of BPM magazine, a magazine dedicated to "music, tech, nightlife and style" according to their subtitle. According to me, the magazine's main interest is style, because this is a mag about electronica music, club culture, and the hipster kids who indulge in in those things, and like most other "scenes", it always seemed to me that fashion/style and one's "rep" or "cred" within any given scene trumps all else. We wear the appropriate fashions, we use the oft-inclusive vocabularies, we dance/react to the chosen music in the approved manner (headbanging, breakdancing, etc), and we glorify our own scene while typically ridiculing all other scenes.

If we don't abide by the uniforms and rituals of our chosen scene, we risk being ostracized by the group (or never gain admittance in the first place). At best, our reputation within the group suffers.

Apparently, within the club culture, making a stink when one makes stinky can damage one's reputation...

I kid, I kid. For all I know this advert also ran in The Source and Kerrang.

(They still publish Kerrang, don't they?)

Anyways, I didn't start this post to rank on club kids and their lifestyle, but rather to simply point out that this is apparently where we now are as a species. Natural bodily functions are now so grotesque to many of us that even the faintest whiff of them (literally) is unacceptable.

This saddens me. It also makes me laugh.

Hotcha! Hank

On The 10th Day Of Christmas...

I give to thee...TEN RANDOM LINKS you may enjoy or find useful in yr everyday life...Or maybe not...I know I have, that's why I've got 'em bookmarked...


Who Owns The Media?


Frank Zappa Quotes


The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb)


The First of Twenty-Four Pages of Amazing Pix of Mexico


Cooks.com


FFFFOUND! - image bookmarking


GRUBMONKEY'S WEB BLAHGGG!


Ted Casablanca's THE AWFUL TRUTH Gossip Column


FREE Games at Cognitive Labs


EVERYTHINGATHON!



Hotcha! Hank

On The 7th Day Of Christmas...

I give to thee...SEVEN TASTY SCREENGRABS!!!!!!!

In a recent post I wrote about installing a new DVD drive in my ancient PC (5 years is pretty ancient for a PC, right?) which now offers me the ability to do screengrabs from DVDs...The most exciting prospect of this is the possible resurrection of MUCKO!, which fans of Thee ButterScotch Threshold will hopefully remember with some fondness...Anyways, the following seven screengrabs are from some of my personal favorite movies and televisions shows, their DVDs within view and grabbing distance on the shelf next to HOT POOP CENTRAL...If you click on the images below, you can enjoy the full 600x900 pix, which admittedly aren't the highest quality, but may nonetheless be suitable for wallpapers, if yr so inclined...


Brazil


30 Rock

The Simpsons Movie

Strangers With Candy
Blade Runner
SCTV - Count Floyd's Monster Chiller Horror Theater
Arrested Development
Hotcha! Hank