On A Sideways Maneuver To Melonville

"I think it's the altitude that stiffens 'em up, there."

The late, 100% great, John Candy as Gil Fisher, The Fishin' Musician who can't stand the taste of fish.

Priceless.

Hotcha! Hank

Slightly-Less-Black Saturday!

Yesterday was "Black Friday", the day after Thanksgiving that is traditionally the busiest retail shopping day of the year...The day when we waddle around the malls and parking lots of America, working off some of that cornbread stuffing and sweet potato pie while we add a few hundred, or thousand, more dollars to our credit card balances...

I stayed home and worked on next month's EVERYTHINGATHON! , although I did go to the grocery store for coffee and catfood in the evening...It was about 7pm, and there were more employees standing around than actual customers, and COPP'S is a huge grocery store...I checked myself out...The four employees standing around bullshitting at the checkout seemed like they were having a good time, and who am I to mess with that...

Anyways, the holiday season is now officially upon us, nevermind that Madison's oldie's station WOLX, has been playing Christmas music since Halloween.

As I've no doubt written here before, I don't particularly enjoy this time of year, simply because my mom died on Christmas Eve 1987. Now, 21 years have passed, and I've certainly made my peace with her passing, but that does not mean I take any great joy in this season.

Well, that's not exactly true.

I do enjoy those pictures of children screaming and crying on Santa's lap...And I think pictures of naked Santa are funny...Likewise, pictures of Santa in sexually compromising positions are awfully titillating to me...So are pictures of large groups of Santas doing un-Santa-like activities, like downhill skiing or dancing the Frug...I like the Toys For Tots campaign, and always stick a couple of things into the box at work every year...I look forward to rewatching SCTV's various Christmas specials every December...I like year-end best-of lists...I like baked ham...I like giving and the idea of giving...And while I no longer consider myself a Christian, I do believe the historical Jesus Christ was probably a pretty cool dude, or at the very least a damn fine showman...Either way, a celebration of his birth is alright with me...I just wish it didn't have to last 1-2 months of the year...

Hotcha! Hank

Sometimes It Happens In Sevens (or more)

Dick Martin: Actor, Comedian - Laugh-In
Sydney Pollack: Actor, Director, Producer - Tootsie, Out Of Africa
Yves Saint Laurant: Fashion Designer
Harvey Korman: Actor, Comedian - The Carol Burnett Show, Blazing Saddles
Bo Diddley: Legendary Rock'n'Roll Pioneer, and one of my dad's faves
Paul Sills: Founder of SCTV...Nuff said...
Fredric Baur: Inventor of the Pringles "packaging system"...

All of these men died within the last week or so...

I could also mention that young British actor, Robert Knox, who was stabbed to death about ten days ago...Or the composer of the Star Trek theme song, Alexander Courage, died a few days ago...And speaking of composers, what about Earl Hagen, an Emmy winner who wrote theme songs for "The Andy Griffith Show", "The Dick Van Dyke Show" and "The Mod Squad"...

Oh, and two weeks ago, the original drummer for RUSH, John Rutsey, passed away...

It's been a rough week for our beloved celebrities...

Hotcha! Hank

HANK RANKS, No. 14

MY 15 FAVORITE JOHN CANDY CHARACTERS FROM SCTV

15 = LUCIANO PAVAROTTI John Candy portrayed Pavarotti on several occasions throughout SCTV's history, and it's an easy fit for Candy, in much the same way Orson Welles was...Candy played Pavarotti as a soft-spoken glutton with a lust for wine, cheese, sausage, women and song, of course...Like many SCTV characters, regardless of the actor underneath, this one is as much about the costume and wigs/beards as Candy's portrayal.

14 = JEAN PIERRE YANG -as- HARRY WOK Harry Wok was the central character in an SCTV Movie Of The Week called Wok On The Wild Side. The character was a television cooking show host and private eye, and he solves the murder mystery while cooking chicken and mushrooms with brandy. Again, this character is as much about the fu manchu moustache and eyebrows as it is Candy's portrayal of a half-French, half-Chinese chef-detective.

13 = BEAVER CLEAVER SCTV did a parody episode of Leave It To Beaver back in the early years, and Candy played the Beav', who borrows a handgun from Whitey and kills Eddie Haskell. In the end, nobody learns anything, and the Cleavers live happily ever after.

12 = JULIA CHILD Candy played Julia Child on two or three occasions throughout his years on SCTV. In the above screengrab Julia is boxing Mr. Rodgers in the Battle Of The PBS Stars. Fred defeats Julia by hitting her over the head repeatedly with a King Friday puppet. Classic.

11 = MR. MESSENGER That's Andrea Martin as Mrs. Falbo, on a childrens show called Mrs. Falbo's Tiny Town, a surreal and scary kids show that brings to mind Wonder Showzen and the like. That's John Candy as Mr. Messenger. Nuff said.

10 = GROGAN That's John Candy as Grogan, a Japanese monster movie star who is appearing on the Tim Ishimuni Show to promote his autobiography. Candy plays Grogan straight, and the monster remains quite calm even after Ishimuni unleashes a fighter jet on Grogan in the television studio.

09 = BILLY SOL HUROK Billy Sol Hurok and Big Jim McBob were hosts of the Farm Film Report on SCTV, on which they would discuss hog futures, weather conditions, and modern cinema. The conceit here is that they initially come off as a couple of uneducated rubes, but then discuss serious films with thoughtful insights and an academic vernacular. Then they would have a celebrity guest, such as Meryl Streep, and these guests would literally "blow up real good" during their interviews. Yeah, blowed up real good.

08 = HARRY, THE GUY WITH A SNAKE ON HIS FACE Harry is the owner and proprietor of Harry's Sex Shoppe in downtown Melonville, and he appears in numerous commercials on the SCTV television network. I don't think anything more needs to be said. He's the guy with a snake on his face.

07 = WILLIAM B. WILLIAMS One of the shows broadcast on the SCTV television network was The Sammy Maudlin Show, the conceit here being that these guys were the "Rat Pack" of the SCTV/Melonville universe. Joe Flaherty is Sammy Maudlin, on the right, who is probably best described as a Joey Bishop-type talkshow host. John Candy is on the left, as William B. Williams, Maudlin's sidekick, and he's played as a slick showbiz phoney, constantly sucking up to Sammy and all his guests. The guy in the middle is Bobby Bittman, a stand-up comic -cum- serious actor/singer who royally sucks, a fact that only he himself, and possibly William B., don't realize. Here he is reacting to a violent heckler.

06 = YOSH SCHMENGE Yosh Schmenge and his brother Stan were better known as The Schmenge Brothers, a polka act that had their own variety show on SCTV. Words cannot describe the delicious midwesternish goodness of these guys. Of note is the very large growth on Yosh's forehead, another costuming touch that really adds to the character.

05 = THE #5 GUY IN THE 5 NEAT GUYS The 5 Neat Guys were a singing sensation, and favorite of teenagers everywhere. They had a ton of hit songs, but my favorite has got to be "Patsy Has Got The Largest Breasts In Town".

04 = MAYOR TOMMY SHANKS Tommy Shanks was the mayor of Melonville, the fictional city in which the SCTV television station broadcasts. As mayor, he would give frequent fireside chats in which he would talk to and attempt to feed treats to his dead, stuffed dog, and ramble incoherently about random subjects. In the above screen grab, he is giving his State Of The City Address, which is 20 seconds long and consists of the mayor saying a few words about a chipped tooth. Mayor Shanks was institutionalized, but that didn't keep him from being re-elected mayor of Melonville, at which time he was released to give more incoherent fireside chats.

03 = GIL FISHER Gil Fisher was a genial and heavily-bearded man who hosted a show called The Fishin' Musician. Gil Fisher was that fishin' musician, and every episode a famous musician or band would visit the Scuttle Butt lodge to go fishing, or hunting, with Gil. Gil and his guests would watch video footage of those excursions, like this one, where he took Jimmy Buffett fishing from a hot air balloon. And each episode wouldn't be complete without a live performance and plenty of mishaps.

02 = DR. TONGUE One of the great regular shows on SCTV was Count Floyd's Monster Chiller Horror Theater, and Count Floyd would often show films starring Dr. Tongue. Films such as Dr. Tongue's Evil House Of Pancakes and Dr. Tongue's 3-D House Of Beef. Yes, most of his films were in 3-D, which consisted of nothing more than the actors in the films moving objects in and out from the camera. Dr. Tongue spoke with an attractive lisp, and became easily flustered by his deformed assistant, Igor.

01 = JOHNNY LA RUE The Johnny LaRue character was at the core of SCTV from the very beginning. The SCTV television station was the focal point, the main conceit, of the SCTV show itself, and it was the station from which all the other shows and "skits" were broadcast. Shows like Gil Fisher's Fishin' Musician, The Sammy Maudlin Show, Mrs. Falbo's Tiny Town, etc...At the SCTV station, Don Caballero was the president of SCTV, Edith Prickley was the program director, and Johnny La Rue was the main "talent" - writing, directing, producing and acting in made-for-tv-movies broadcast on SCTV, as well as hosting a live talkshow called "Street Beef", appearing in countless TV commercials for products such as Johnny LaRue's Speed Drinking Program, and LaRue's Fish Flakes. Yes, the LaRue character itself was larger than life, louder than you, a drunk, a flirt, half-charmer, half-bore, and in the end not quite the successful star he thinks he is, his self-branded products all failures, and a bigger glutton and drunk than he cares to admit. In high school, my nickname was "LaRue" among a few of my friends.

Hotcha! Hank

Sideways Scuttle Butt Sushi Maneuver

Oh my!

For the record, this 9+ minute chunk of YouTube goodness ranks among my favorite television moments of all time...

This is SCTV, my second favorite TV show of all time (after The Simpsons), and more specifically, this is John Candy playing Gil Fisher, The Fishin' Musician...Among all the brilliantly amazing John Candy characters on SCTV (hmmm, Hank Ranks fodder?), Gil Fisher must rank in the top 10, which is saying more than it sounds like I'm saying if you know what I'm saying.

Anyways, This is The Tubes appearance on The Fishin' Musician, wherein they go fishing for large mouth bass and later perform one of their biggest hits, "Sushi Girl", back at the Scuttle Butt Lodge. It may be nothing more than nostalgia, but like I said, this is one of my favorite moments in TV history.

Now, if only YouTube had The Plasmatics appearance on Gil Fisher's show...

Hotcha! Hank

On The 7th Day Of Christmas...

I give to thee...SEVEN TASTY SCREENGRABS!!!!!!!

In a recent post I wrote about installing a new DVD drive in my ancient PC (5 years is pretty ancient for a PC, right?) which now offers me the ability to do screengrabs from DVDs...The most exciting prospect of this is the possible resurrection of MUCKO!, which fans of Thee ButterScotch Threshold will hopefully remember with some fondness...Anyways, the following seven screengrabs are from some of my personal favorite movies and televisions shows, their DVDs within view and grabbing distance on the shelf next to HOT POOP CENTRAL...If you click on the images below, you can enjoy the full 600x900 pix, which admittedly aren't the highest quality, but may nonetheless be suitable for wallpapers, if yr so inclined...


Brazil


30 Rock

The Simpsons Movie

Strangers With Candy
Blade Runner
SCTV - Count Floyd's Monster Chiller Horror Theater
Arrested Development
Hotcha! Hank