Something 4 The Weekend # 230

Robyn Hitchcock: A Star For Bram: "Judas Sings (Jesus & Me)" [mp3]

Considering the mentions of a phone and dope, we must assume this song isn't Judas Iscariot singing to Caiaphas, the Jewish high priest who (allegedly) organized a plot to kill Jesus Christ, or Pontius Pilate, Roman governor of Judaea, who judged and sentenced Jesus to crucifixion, or even Emperor Tiberius himself, although the lyrics certainly fit otherwise.

Robyn Hitchcock is a smart and clever fellow, so I assume this song is some sort of allegory, religion as co-dependence and twisted love, breaking down your partner verbally, convincing your partner that nobody else in this whole world loves them except you and Jesus. You say that to someone often enough, and they very well may believe it. Or it could simply be about a dope dealer named Judas, who knows? I'd bet anything there was plenty of hashish and opium in Judaea, circa year zero.

So anyways, Jesus died for your sins. My sins. Everybody's sins. That's a pretty fucking heavy load of guilt and co-dependence right there, isn't it? Of course, some of our fundamentalist family members and friends might say God never gives us more than we can bear, which is a nice way of saying that no matter how much pain and suffering may be heaped upon us, we must always remember that it can always get worse. But we can handle it, right? We can handle the pain and despair, or the loneliness and heartbreak, we can handle Aunt Carol's constant put-downs and Grandpa's tendency to say racist things loudly in public, and we can even handle the cancers and the diabetes and the hypertension. We can handle it all right up to the very end because God loves us enough to never overburden us. Ever.

Man, this song is depressing. Religion is depressing. I guess I'm depressing, although I wouldn't say that I'm depressed. Maybe weary, not even sad.

[Insert sound of weariness here]

I wish all of you a pleasant and satisfying holiday season. May we get the handheld device of our dreams, may our fantasy football team win our matchups this weekend, and may we all enjoy this long weekend among people we like and even love, with no strings attached. Forgiveness and unconditional love. I think that's what this is all supposed to be about.

Don't be a Judas, an assassin of hearts.

Keep resting in peace, mom.

Hotcha! Hank

Something 4 The Weekend # 190

The Wilderness Of Manitoba: Hymns Of Love & Spirits: "Evening" [mp3]

We get this idea, most likely from Hollywood, that the winter truly is a pristine white wonderland, but really it's just frozen ruts on all the roads and this dense mixture of snow, sand, salt and rust that cements itself to the wheelwells, hangs tight from fenders like filthy stalactites, and you gotta keep kicking that shit off yr car, but it gets as hard as granite pretty fast when the windchill dips to 12 below. It's mostly a losing battle.

Winter's not a wonderland, it's $300 for new front tires and a quick and dirty alignment. And can I just say that perhaps Tires Plus has the worst fucking coffee I ever dared taste, that the powdered creamer congealed upon contact with the swill and turned into tiny blobs that may have turned into more chunks of wet granite if the coffee had been any colder.

The cold really doesn't bother me. When I put the ass end of the Grand Marquis in the ditch Monday morning, I got right out and started digging myself out, and the winds whipping the cold dusty snow across my face were no bother. Of course, I'm bearded up cuz this shit ain't new, right? My boss just doesn't get that. And he knows I shave it off on the first day of spring every year. I've told him that twice. He hates the beard.

What I haven't told him, what I haven't suggested, is that he can guage how much winter we've got left by how thick and lustrous my beard gets by the middle of February. Groundhogs are old school, babycakes, and I'm just now realizing how far I've wandered from any sort of point to this post.

A couple of weeks ago, one of my coworkers turned me on to The Wilderness Of Manitoba. I don't love them as much as he does, but I do like them. They remind me of Crosby, Stills & Nash, and maybe Fairport Convention?

Winters are hard in Wisconsin, but they can't be nearly as treacherous as Manitoba at Christmas.

Time for more rum. Viva la Canadacore!

Hotcha! Hank

Something 4 The Weekend # 129

Superchunk: Tossing Seeds: "Slack Motherfucker" [mp3]

The recording is shit, so who the fuck knows what Mac McCaughan is sputtering and spitting about in the verses...But the verses hardly matter in a song like this, charging hard towards the choruses, those glorious choruses...

"I'm working, but I'm not working for you!!! Slack Motherfucker!!!!!"

I'll tell you what - back in '89 or so, I was working, but I really wasn't working for anyone. I had a paper route for The Milwaukee Journal, and technically I was a private contractor. As such, I drove around out in the middle of fucking nowhere Wisconsin, 75-80 miles a day, delivering newspapers to farmers and the occasional enclave of McMansions out in the middle of what used to be corn fields. It was a great job, really - driving around, blasting tunes, puffing on a pipe - no boss, no homework - not a care in the world.

This brilliant Superchunk song got plenty of play in the tape deck in those days, because this was and will always be one of the great rock anthems of all time, one custom-built for the road...For flooring the gas cuz the next customer is over the hill and 1.6 miles away...Try not shouting along with the choruses as you burn around a curve in the countryside.

Which is exactly what I'm planning to do this weekend because there's a Mustard Festival in Mount Horeb, and that town is freaky enough without a pipe to puff, Superchunk be damned. I mean, just imagine an old German village obsessed with mustard and trolls, then pretend you have an undiagnosed and unmedicated disassociative disorder and a large wad of cash in yr pocket.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think I'm gonna take a drive through the countryside towards Mount Horeb this weekend, towards the mustard and the trolls, and the troll mustard and the fat Norwegian waitress who serves me Kylling Dyppers for dipping into aforementioned troll mustard.

And if that ain't enough, the town has an outrageous Christmas fixation. It's one of those places that dot our land that celebrate all things X-Mas all year round, and so there are gift shops in Mount Horeb. So many gift shoppes for such a small, lazy hamlet. Gift shoppes selling troll lumpen, and gift shops selling Santa shtuff, and all of 'em selling jars and jars and jars of every kind of mustard imaginable, and several dozen more that are unimaginable.

Including the aforementioned troll mustard, if you know where to look, and I'm not telling, you slack motherfuckers...

MOTHERRRFUCKERRRRRSSSSS!

YOU MOOOOOTHERRRRRFUCKERRRRRRSSSSS!!!!!

*snicker*

Hotcha! Hank

On The Twelfth Day Of Christmas

I give to thee...TWELVE QUOTATIONS TO CONSIDER IN 2009...

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"One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory." - Rita Mae Brown


"You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you." - Eric Hoffer


"Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality." - Jules de Gaultier


"I have long since come to believe that people never mean half of what they say, and that it is best to disregard their talk and judge only their actions." - Dorothy Day


"If you want to see what children can do, you must stop giving them things." - Norman Douglas

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." - The Dalai Lama

"It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues." - Abraham Lincoln

"All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind." - Aristotle

"Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job." - Douglas Adams

"I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room." - Blaise Pascal

"The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think." - Horace Walpole

"I believe in God, only I spell it Nature." - Frank Lloyd Wright

Hotcha! Hank

On The Eleventh Day Of Christmas

I give to thee...ELEVEN+ MINUTES OF FRANK ZAPPA and "The best band you never heard in your life." Aiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi, bowachapoooo, deeedeeeekachit, tingtangullllllllllllllagoooooo...

w00t!
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Frank Zappa: Make A Jazz Noise Here: "Big Swifty" [mp3]

As a 93% hardcore Zappa freak, trust me when I tell you that this is one of the single finest recordings of any of Frank's "classic" songs in his entire, enormous catalog...11+ minutes of impeccable playing, as individuals and as a big band collective, plus just the right amount of humor, which always has a place in music...Especially Jazz, which had already been smelling funny for years when "the best band you never heard of in your life" went on tour in 1988.

Hotcha! Hank

On The Tenth Day Of Christmas

I give to thee...MY 10 FAVORITE ALBUMS OF 2008...

If I still followed my usual pattern, this would be a list of my 42 favorite albums of 2008, because I'm 42 years old, and that's how I did my annual list since 1983, but you know what? I'm 42 years old, and I just ain't got that kinda jam anymore...Plus, when the ButterScotch Threshold collapsed upon itself through the Doom Portal back in the winter of 2007, well, let's just say I'm still in a rebuilding phase.

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10: Fuck Buttons: Street Horrrsing [ATP] [Download At eMusic] I blathered about Post-Rock a few weeks ago when Mogwai streamed on S4TW, wondering what the fuck it was and what it meant, deciding, I guess, that it tended to involve long, textural jams, with simple melodies that are slowly built upon and mutated...And here we have Fuck Buttons, a band that builds monstrous, epic jams with keyboards and synths, going from a nearly silent extreme to that other extreme that absolutely blasts, and then back again to the pretty...This is how to do heavy without guitars.

09: Torche: Meanderthal [Hydra Head] [Download At Amazon] And this is how you do heavy with guitars, in a variety of styles and genres...From Doom through Pop Metal to Metalcore and Math Rock and back around to some Sludge and Doom Pop and a bit of Emo Thrash...Some of these tunes will singe yr ear hairs, others will merely be a hot blast of wind to the face, others are a punch to the gut and a knee to the teeth, but all of it is so brilliantly recorded that it sounds more thunderous than it really has any right to sound. I hope Josh Homme took some notes, cuz in his corner of the musical world, the game's done changed...

08: NOMO: Ghost Rock [Ubiquity Records] [Download At eMusic] When I featured NOMO on S4TW back in July, I wrote that Ghost Rock was "quickly becoming my favorite recording of 2008", and well, here we are at the start of 2009, and this rock-solid collection of "Post-Afrobeat" songs still hangs tough at #8. And this really is great stuff - borrowing liberally, of course, from the likes of Fela Kuti, and Kokono No. 9, and fusing that with modern electronics, and contemporary Euro-Jazz ala Jaga Jazzist or Shining...Kalimbas collide with clarinets, and congas mix with trombones and saxophones, and here's some Nigerian Polka, there's some Malian Swing...Meanwhile, fat loping bass runs all the way through, and so they touch on Dub and Reggae as well...This is a good groove, babycakes, heady and haunting and still it'll make you move...

07: Marnie Stern: This Is It and I Am It and You Are It and So Is That and He Is It and She Is It and It Is It and That Is That [Kill Rock Stars] [Download At eMusic] I must admit, I find myself rather attracted to Marnie Stern...She's short and blonde and perky and cute, and she might be the only musician alive, male or female, who can rock a headband and make it work, and that includes Keith Richards...And she's got these small cute hands, and they're perky too, the way they play the fuck outta her guitar, the way they are able to actually play these crazy-assed songs that she's got running through her head, and trust me, these songs are anything but easy...Which is maybe why this album doesn't rank higher...I mean, speaking strictly from an aesthetic p.o.v., Marnie Stern's music is easily the most unique stuff I've heard in several years, and more to the point, I've never heard anything quite like her ever, and that counts for a ton in my book...But this isn't an easy listen from beginning to end, and I find myself listening to 3 or 4 songs at a time, rather than the entire album, and this is a list of my favorite albums, after all...Anyways, I love you Marnie Stern, you are truly amazing.

06: Paul Weller: 22 Dreams [Yep Roc Records] [Download At eMusic] I'd have to agree with other Paul Weller aficionadoes, 22 Dreams isn't his best album, but it's still an ambitious, sprawling collection of impeccably written songs that touches on every style and aspect of his career thus far, and even a few new ideas thrown into the mix, which is what we still expect (and still receive) from the man after 30+ years in the game...Rustic balladry...Soulful Punk...Crusty Power Pop...Swaggering Rock'n'Roll...A voice that I believe is only getting better with age, singing lyrics as smart and detailed as ever, and you know what? He's a a rather remarkable guitar player too...21 new Paul Weller tunes? Hell yeah!

05: The Tallest Man On Earth: Shallow Grave [Gravitation Records/CD Baby] [Download At eMusic] The Tallest Man On Earth hails from Sweden, and alot of critics and fans have been talking about how this newcomer is the next Dylan, and of course they've been throwing out Woodie Guthrie's name as well, cuz what else ya gonna do when confronted with this guy's voice and guitar and songs? It's not that his voice sounds exactly like Bob Dylan's, but there's something there approaching the spirit and soul of the young Dylan, qualities difficult to explain. Personally, he sounds a bit like Mike Scott from The Waterboys to me, but that's an easy way out. This is simply a collection of stripped down Countryfolkblues tunes, rich with songcraft and lyrics, and it may not be quite as mesmerizing as Bon Iver, or as weird as Fleet Foxes, to name two other stellar Folk artists of 2008, but The Tallest Man On Earth is definitely the most traditionally heartfelt, rustic and real of them all this year.


04: Deastro: Keeper's [eMusic Selects] [Download At eMusic] Is it Dance Rock? Synth Pop? I dunno, but it's beautiful and loud (I'll forgive the poor EQing) and full of high-energy synth-heavy music that was made by a previously unknown 22 year old kid down in his parent's basement in Detroit, and that's gotta count for something...His hybrid of electro and indie rock (with some New Wave and even some Prog Rock thrown in for good measure) is rather stunning for someone so fresh - full of interesting ideas and lovely melodies, and I can only wonder what this Randolph Chabot will do in the future...Death Cab For M83, what you got? PLUS+++That's one of the strangest album covers I've seen in awhile...Oh my!

03: Jucifer: L'Autrichienne [Relapse Records] [Download At Amazon] This longplayer is 21 songs that cover every conceivable style of Electric Blues, Hard Rock, and Heavy Metal, plus some other things that run the margins and the in-betweens...Performed by a husband and wife duo that live in a Winnebago...Words cannot express the breadth and depth of this recording. Some of these songs are as insanely heavy as anything else on the Relapse label, and if you are familiar with Relapse, you know what I'm talking about...At other times, they do PJ Harvey better than Polly Jean herself has been doing lately, and if you think that the Raveonettes, The Kills, or even The White Stripes are the epitome of male/female power rock duos working these days, well then I'll know you don't know yr shit very well, cupcake. Jucifer. Get on it and get it on... 02: Vampire Weekend: Vampire Weekend [XL Recordings] [Download At eMusic] It's wiry and sparse New Wave Pop, and yet, the simplicity is deceptive, and the deception is sweet to my ears. Afro-Pop mingles with British Ska and hipster NYC New Wave, and Vampire Weekend is the perfect fucking name for this band and their music (this album cover is pretty outstanding too) because it's made for exactly those kinds of boho students and struggling dayjob-working artists who turn into vampires on the weekend, drinking seriously and dancing casually straight towards morning to literate and energetic music, a killin' house party where everyone involved is more than cool with The Indestructible Beat Of Soweto and More Songs About Buildings And Food, and when the band kicks in to a stripped down version of "You Can Call Me Al", everyone smiles and sings along without irony. So, Vampire Weekend has made a singularly good-to-great debut album, and now the pressure's gonna drop. What can they do next? Where can they go and where are they willing to go with their music? Is there a "Life During Wartime" in their future? Because if they stay in this place, and make another record too much like this one, well, that will be a shame. This one needs to stand alone, if it's going to stand up to time and opinion in the end...

01: Fucked Up: The Chemistry Of Common Life [Matador Records] [Download At eMusic] More than a few critics and casual listeners have been mentioning Husker Du when they talk about Fucked Up, and it's a comparison that's impossible to ignore, I suppose...When the band is going at full-bore, they do indeed sound a band dead set on re-inventing Zen Arcade...The Chemistry Of Common Life is a larger-than-life record, enormously ambitious by Hardcore standards, and more than willing to ignore many of the genre's rules, written and unwritten, in order to make something approaching monolithic. This is a beautifully heavy record (and that includes Pink Eye's growling, howling vocals), dense with ideas and countless melodies and riffs and layers and sounds that it stands up remarkably well to repeated listens. A record with legs, and quite possibly a classic in the making. My favorite record of 2008.

Hotcha! Hank

On The Ninth Day Of Christmas

I give to thee...NINE FINE SKYLINES...

Because I've got way too many of these kinds of photos on my assorted harddrives and CDr's...In fact, this may become a weekly feature around here...

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Amman, Jordan

Hong Kong, China

Stockholm, Sweden

Montreal, Quebec, Canada

Tel Aviv, Israel

Mumbai, India

Nashville, Tennessee

Prague, Czech Republic

Tokyo, Japan

Hotcha! Hank

On The Eighth Day Of Christmas

I give to thee...EIGHT AMAZINGLY ACCURATE PREDICTIONS FOR 2009 AND BEYOND...

[Wagering implied]

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01: In defiant response to the passing of Proposition 8 in California, the Academy Of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences awards the Oscar for BEST ACTOR to Sean Penn for his portrayal of gay activist and politician, Harvey Milk in the film Milk. Sorry Mickey Rourke, although it's always an honor to even be nominated, isn't that what they say?

02: President Barack Obama is attacked by a gang of squirrels while taking a smoke break out in the White House rose garden...Secret Service agents are able to eliminate the small and furious attackers before the president is seriously hurt, but NOT before the entire scene is captured on a Sony DCR-HC62 MiniDV camcorder by a tourist from Houston, who's identity isn't coming to me at this time. This young man will become famous, however, when he sells the footage to YouTube for $600,000.

03: Paris Hilton will suddenly and unexpectedly marry David Lee Roth, and their honeymoon will be the basis for a reality show on VH1. The dynamite ratings will naturally lead to a second season, in which the couple record and album together and talk about having a baby...Paris wants a kid just like her old friend Nicole Ritchie, but it seems Diamond Dave's sperm aren't nearly as lively as they used to be...Stay tuned, babycakes, in Season Three we find out whether or not DLR has what it takes to knock up his all-American princess once and for all...

04: Spring flooding of the Mississippi River devastates farmland along the river, and in cities such as Dubuque and Burlington, Iowa, and St. Louis, Missouri...REO Speedwagon write and record a charity song about lost corn crops which fails to generate any interest among the general population.

05: The Carolina Panthers will defeat the Pittsburgh Steelers, 20 to 16 in Super Bowl XLIII at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, Florida on February 1st, 2009. During Bruce Springsteen & The E-Street Band's halftime performance there will NOT be a wardrobe malfunction, however Clarence Clemons will purposefully whip out his dick on stage during "The Promised Land" portion of the second medley. A 3 second delay is enough to keep the footage off the air, but in March an unedited version starts showing up on P2P network filesharing sites, and soon becomes an internet sensation...Naturally Christian and Pro-Family groups are outraged, but the FCC has no idea who to sue.

06: In May, actor George Clooney is horribly disfigured in a freak deep-frying accident. A series of complicated facial-transplant surguries leave him looking like Kevin Spacey.

07: Sometime in the first half of 2009 this very HOT POOP blog will begin to use Google Adsense. As a result, I will make 16 cents a month from this site, and can finally put "professional blogger" on my business card.

08: Scientists in Finland will make the startling discovery that puppies cause cancer. Two months later the less-startling discovery will be made that those Finnish scientists were funded by Cat Fancy Magazine to try boosting their subscription base. Ultimately, however, they will be vindicated when several other unbiased scientific teams determine that yes, puppies do indeed cause cancer, as well as Type II Diabetes.

Hotcha! Hank

On The Seventh Day Of Christmas

I give to thee...7 Cocktail Recipes...

Here are seven drinks just in time for all yr New Year partying needs...One for each of the six major spirits, plus amaretto, cuz I've always got a bottle of amaretto in the house...

I kept the recipes simple and kinda classic...Maybe next year I'll crack out a couple of my Pernod recipes...

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Amaretto Stone Sour

2 oz AMARETTO
2 oz TEQUILA
2 oz SOUR MIX
splash ORANGE JUICE

SHAKE amaretto, tequila and sour mix with ICE...STRAIN into HIGHBALL GLASS...ADD splash of OJ...GARNISH with orange slice and marischino cherry...


Brandy Alexander

1 oz BRANDY
1 oz CREME DE CACAO
1 oz LIGHT CREME
NUTMEG

SHAKE all ingredients (except nutmet) with ICE, and STRAIN into COCKTAIL GLASS...SPRINKLE with nutmeg and sip contemplatively while smoking a pipe.


The Polish Martini

5 oz VODKA
1 tblsp DRY VERMOUTH
3 oz PICKLE JUICE
2 COCKTAIL ONIONS garnish
2 GHERKIN PICKLES garnish

SHAKE vodka and pickle juice with ICE and STRAIN into MASON JAR...WAVE the tablespoon of vermouth above the mouth of the jar, then DISCARD...DROP the onions and pickles into jar. REPEAT five or six more times until you reek like a Krakow hooker.


Sweet Gin Rickey

3 oz GIN
juice of 1 LIME
CARBONATED WATER
1 LIME wedge
2 tsp SUGAR

POUR gin and lime juice into HIGHBALL GLASS with ICE CUBES...FILL with carbonated water, ADD sugar, and STIR...GARNISH with lime wedge...


05: Hot-Buttered Rum

3 oz DARK RUM
3 tsp SUGAR
3 tsp BUTTER
3 CLOVES

PUT rum, sugar and butter into MUG...FILL with BOILING WATER...STIR...ADD cloves...A supremely tasty and toasty drink for the winter season here in the land of the ice and snow...It's only the end of December, and already Madison is on track to set another new snowfall record for the season...

06: I Am Curious Orange Margarita

3 oz TEQUILA
2 oz TRIPLE SEC
5 oz ORANGE JUICE
1 splash SOUR MIX

COMBINE tequila, triple sec and OJ with ICE and STIR...POUR into MARGARITA GLASS...ADD a splash of sour mix...Delicious, and whatever you do - do NOT salt the rim of the glass...


07: The Sherlock

3 oz WHISKEY
1 oz JAGERMEISTER
7-Up

PUT exactly 4 ICE CUBES in a ROCKS GLASS GLASS...ADD whiskey and Jagermeister...STIR, then FILL glass with 7-UP...If you drink five or six of these things, you'll be solving crimes and wooing women with elementary precision and aplomb...And what I mean is that you'll be acting like a third-grader, and isn't that almost the point of New Year's Eve?


Hotcha New Year! Hank

On The Sixth Day Of Christmas

I give to thee...SIX NEW BEARDS!!!!!!


Directly from Doug Fudge's mind to yr face...All at a reasonable price...

Hotcha! Hank

On The Fifth Day Of Christmas

I give to thee...FIVE LAUGHING BABIES (Well, technically six)...Cuz the New Year is right around the corner, babycakes! Make a Jazz noise here...I'm telling ya, these laughing baby videos are addictive...

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Hotcha! Hank

On The Fourth Day Of Christmas

I give to thee...FOUR FANTASTIC MILFS*...

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Cate Blanchett

Jennifer Connelly

Chrissie Hynde

Helen Mirren

*Technically, Helen Mirren isn't a MILF, but I'm not a technician, so whatever.

Hotcha! Hank

On The Third Day Of Christmas

I give to thee...3 Sitcom Pitches...Absolutely free...

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01: Crowd Of Drifters Based on a song called "Crowd Of Drifters" by The Magnetic Fields, this character-driven, single-camera sitcom follows the life of a 35 year old white man named Steve, who loses his job as a travelling salesman...A chance encounter with that crowd of drifters on his defeated retreat back home to Michigan offers him a chance to escape his job and life, and he takes that chance...These are his stories...Stories of scavenging, and hunting, and drinking, and trainspotting and sleeping deep in the woods of western America...All the while, still wearing his blue suit and carrying his black leather briefcase. What's in Steve's briefcase? And did you know, he left a family behind in Michigan?

02: TXR-28 And Me Meet Calvin. Calvin works in Sector 6-F of a microchip manufacturing plant. Meet the ensemble cast of 34 other workers in Sector 6-F. They all wear those "spacesuits" while they're working, so as you can imagine, communicating through those suits is difficult, and leads to many hilarious misunderstandings. But mostly they all work alone, lost in their own thoughts, inside their own helmets, some listening the greatest soundtrack of your fucking life on their iPods (product placement and music video-style montages that the kids just love), others simply lost in thought. Calvin works with a robot called the TXR-28 that he calls "Tex", and the funny thing is - Calvin believes Tex is sentient, and the two of them have long, weird talks all day long. (For the voice of Tex, I'm thinking Patton Oswalt). These talks lead to daydreams, in which we see Calvin doing all sorts of fantastic things. At lunch, all 35 characters (the biggest cast on TV?) congregate in the cafeteria, or out in the garden/park out back. More hilarity ensues, plus mild sexual situations and innuendo.

03: The Silver Hammer Isn't it about time we had another sitcom situated in a tavern? This time the place is called The Silver Hammer, and it's a British-styled Pub set in the city of Albuquerque, NM. The owner of the place is an eccentric British chap, and much of the humor is derived from him being a fish outta water out there in the desert Southwest...Naturally this will be an ensemble cast, and will borrow liberally from Cheers, of course. Featuring a Britpop soundtrack heavy on The Kinks.

Hotcha! Hank

On The Second Day Of Christmas

I give to thee...TWO random and radical tunes from that dynamic duo, TAPE JAZZ MASSACRE, fellow denizens of the true ButterScotch Threshold, which means we go way back, way deep...Backer and deeper than you can ever know...Ornette Yukahiro and Big Jimmmmie Cakefingers, two dudes from MKE by way of two other places, who sample and manipulate other people's music for strictly educational and recreational purposes...

Enjoy. Or learn something. Big Jimmmmie doesn't care. He's eating cake, right now. I just got off the phone with him, and I could hear him chewing softly and kinda wheezing on the other end. He says happy Boxing Day to all of you that he doesn't know and one or two he does, and he told me I should stream these two TAPE JAZZ MASSACRE songs, so here they are...

Oh, and he sez, "100%!"

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Tape Jazz Massacre: 100%: "Smokin' Aspirin" [mp3]

Since Ornette does 73% of the music sampling for Tape Jazz Massacre, Big Jimmmmie wasn't sure where the music lumpen for this song came from...He guesses either Thelonious Monk or Matthew Shipp...My votes for Shipp...I seem to remember Ornette borrowing the Circular Temple album from me a few years ago...I seem to know he still has it...

What Big Jimmmmie does know is that this is one of only four TJM songs that his vocals can be heard...Most of the time (54%) he's the one responsible for sampling other people's words. These are his words:

One time, I smoked aspirin and it made my foot numb. One time I snorted Gold Bond powder, and it gave me a headache. One time I found this toad, and I licked it, but nothing happened. One time I drank a bottle of White-Out, and I had a fever dream that I was a Chinese weatherman, and I was married to my dog. One time I smoked aspirin and it made my foot numb.

Big Jimmmmie claims none of this is true, except the part about smoking aspirin.

Tape Jazz Massacre: Cookin' With Tape Jazz Massacre: "Tape Jazz Massacre Is Rolling In Dough" [mp3]

Big Jimmmmie sez exactly 50% of this song was his doing - namely the sampling and manipulation of Martin Yan, a Chinese-born cook who host the popular Yan Can Cook television show...Ornette contributed the music samples, the other 50%, and again, Big Jimmmmie has no idea where they came from, so he guessed Stetsasonic, who were no doubt sampling somebody else...I took a wild, wild stab at it, and said Autechre and ESG...He laughed, and I swear I could hear specks of cake and flecks of frosting hitting his mouthpiece...

Anyways, there are too many words in this song for me to transcribe 'em here, but all you really need to know is that it's all about making Mandarin Scallion Pancakes, and another thing you don't need to know but might want to know (or that I might want you to know) is that I do all of Tape Jazz Massacre's artwork. 100%

Hotcha! Hank

On The First Day Of Christmas

I give to thee...ONE OF THOSE NAKED SANTA PIX I LIKE SO MUCH...

Well, semi-nude, anyways...Merry Softcore Christmas, babycakes!

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Hotcha! Hank

Slightly-Less-Black Saturday!

Yesterday was "Black Friday", the day after Thanksgiving that is traditionally the busiest retail shopping day of the year...The day when we waddle around the malls and parking lots of America, working off some of that cornbread stuffing and sweet potato pie while we add a few hundred, or thousand, more dollars to our credit card balances...

I stayed home and worked on next month's EVERYTHINGATHON! , although I did go to the grocery store for coffee and catfood in the evening...It was about 7pm, and there were more employees standing around than actual customers, and COPP'S is a huge grocery store...I checked myself out...The four employees standing around bullshitting at the checkout seemed like they were having a good time, and who am I to mess with that...

Anyways, the holiday season is now officially upon us, nevermind that Madison's oldie's station WOLX, has been playing Christmas music since Halloween.

As I've no doubt written here before, I don't particularly enjoy this time of year, simply because my mom died on Christmas Eve 1987. Now, 21 years have passed, and I've certainly made my peace with her passing, but that does not mean I take any great joy in this season.

Well, that's not exactly true.

I do enjoy those pictures of children screaming and crying on Santa's lap...And I think pictures of naked Santa are funny...Likewise, pictures of Santa in sexually compromising positions are awfully titillating to me...So are pictures of large groups of Santas doing un-Santa-like activities, like downhill skiing or dancing the Frug...I like the Toys For Tots campaign, and always stick a couple of things into the box at work every year...I look forward to rewatching SCTV's various Christmas specials every December...I like year-end best-of lists...I like baked ham...I like giving and the idea of giving...And while I no longer consider myself a Christian, I do believe the historical Jesus Christ was probably a pretty cool dude, or at the very least a damn fine showman...Either way, a celebration of his birth is alright with me...I just wish it didn't have to last 1-2 months of the year...

Hotcha! Hank