So, it's the day after Christmas, and I'm at the grocery store, stocking up on a few staples like coffee, milk, Altoids, assorted soft cheeses, cashews - you know, the essentials - and I happen upon a family parked at the end of an aisle.
The family consisted of a totally smoking brunette
MILF, an older AARP woman I assume is the MILF's mom, and four young girls I assume are the MILF's daughters. All six are standing around their overflowing cart, apparently coordinating their assault on the DAIRY department, or something, and it appears they're in no hurry to get moving. The four girls are kinda goofing off in the way any four young siblings might interact - making fun of each other, tattling on one another to mom, studying the back of a TWINKIE box, while MILF and MILF's mom are checking their shopping list.
And there I am, standing behind my own shopping cart, quietly waiting for them to make their move so that I can exit the aisle and swing around the endcap and into the next aisle, where I know I will find coconut milk and those Mexican Jesus candles. Except the MILF and her family aren't moving.
And so I wait for what I feel is a respectable amount of time before clearing my throat and saying "Excuse me."
Nobody hears me, and nothing happens. A couple other shoppers and their carts are now lining up behind me.
"Excuse me," I say just a little bit louder.
Nothing.
I say "excuse me" a third time, which one of the daughters hears. This daughter, probably about eight years old, grabs one of her sisters by the sleeve of the coat and pulls her aside saying "let the man through".
Now there is a path wide enough to allow me and the other shoppers to get through to the next aisle, and so I pull around and start heading down that next aisle when I hear the voice of a young girl yelling out behind me,
"Maybe you should say 'excuse me' next time, instead of being rude."I stopped dead in my tracks, turned around, and glowered at the 10
ish year old blonde girl who had just said this to me. Her younger sister, the one who had heard me and had pulled this sister aside, had a look of abject terror on her face. "No, no, no" she says to her sister...
And I say to the young girl, "I said 'excuse me' three times. Your sister heard me. Maybe next time you'll pay more attention and won't jump to the wrong conclusions."
To which the girl replies, "Shut up."
I started laughing, but by this time the MILF had looked up from her shopping list to investigate the minor hubbub between her young daughters and a very large, scary-looking man.
"Is there a problem?" the MILF asks me.
"No problem, although your daughter here appears to have no respect for adults. She just told me to 'shut up' for no good reason."
"I'm sure if she said it, she had good reason."
And with that, the MILF quickly gathered up her family and started moving away from me quickly.
Anyways, here's my point to this long-winded story - MILFs may be exciting and desirable in theory, but the problem is, technically MILFs have kids.
Hotcha! HankLabels: Food, Hot Poop Filler, MILFs
