Things I Liked Last Week 062710

01: JAWS FFFUUUU: I was never a big fan of the FFFUUUU internet meme that began, as these things usually do, over at 4Chan. It's not the meme itself that I don't like, but rather its execution by most internet morans. But I do like this particular piece, which captures the essence of FFFUUUU so succintly, so brilliantly...Yeah, yeah, this is probably old and you've probably seen it already, but...

02: This Perpetual Teen strip I did a while ago wherein Rageman auditions for vocalist (naturally) of Kieth's band, Peppermint Dildo. And then Jack Cactus makes the scene. Dinger Jockey! Classic.

03: This Week's Obligatory Cat and/or Squirrel Picture: Nuff said? Ayup.

04: Gus Van Sant: Gerry [2002]: I watched Gus Van Sant's Death Trilogy completely out of order. Gerry was the first made, so naturally I watched it last. I'm not sure if it matters what order in which Van Sant's three films should be watched, as they're all different kinds of the same thing, death. Elephant concerns murder. Last Days is about suicide. Gerry explores what I'm calling "organic death" - literally a body's organs shutting down (nevermind the ending, because Gerry was dead long before he died). I suppose you could call it a "natural death" because nature is the cause of death in this film. My point is, there may be a million ways to die, but I'm of the belief that these three kinds (organic, murder, suicide) are the only three, into which those million ways can be categorized. If I believed in God, I suppose his hand would be the fourth, and Van Sant would have to make one of those four-part trilogies.

Like the other two death films, Gerry tells it's story mostly through visuals, and here there are long stretches of relative silence, the sounds of the desert, with short bursts of dialogue between the two Gerrys (Matt Damon and Casey Affleck), who get seriously lost while hiking in the desert. But mostly this film is about the beauty and grandeur of nature, and the scenes here are awash in pastel skies stretched over a rugged and jagged terrain, equal parts adventure and danger. As the film progresses, the situation becomes much more serious for the two Gerrys, much more bleak, and here, in the third day of their undoing, the last reel, we see them slowly and painfully shuffling across white salt flats like they might be walking on the moon, or maybe heaven. Despite the pace of the film, I found myself riveted. Like Elephant and Last Days (and life itself) we know the inevitable end of Gerry, and that pulled me along quite effectively. Van Sant once again handles the subject of death with a sort of grace and an even hand, without really passing judgement on characters in any of these films. Death happens. And once again, his secret weapon in Gerry is certainly cinematographer Harris Savides, who's shots linger and shimmer like dreams. I like.

05: Bill Griffith: Zippy: "Four Frame Game" [2000]: Comic stripping and death come together, and Mr. Toad explains the meaning of bowling. If I haven't mentioned this before, Zippy is my favorite comic strip of all time. Hmm...One of these days, maybe I should rank 'em...



06: Kingsford Charcoal Fascination: I've been seeing this commercial around the television lately. That song is Rob Crow's (Pinback) interpretation of "(Keep Feeling) Fascination" by The Human League. At first I wasn't sure how I felt about this, but then I figured "fuck it" - I thought the '80's were a great decade, "Fascination" included.

Hotcha! Hank

Modest Sideways Dashboard Mouse Maneuver

Modest Mouse. Isaac Brock. Beards. Maps. Microphonehand. Radiohead.

Hotcha! Hank

Sir Isaac Isaacs

In case you missed the link in the previous post, this is Sir Isaac Isaacs, the Governor General of Australia in the 1930's. About nine times a week I call Isaac The Cat "Sir Isaac Isaacs", though as I said, he wasn't named after this man and his regal moustache.

Here he is without the wig and the moustache. The uniform is dynamite, but I think he needs a nice hat... And the 'stache.

Hotcha! Hank

100% Filler!

Hotcha! Hank

On The Sixth Day Of Christmas

I give to thee...SIX NEW BEARDS!!!!!!


Directly from Doug Fudge's mind to yr face...All at a reasonable price...

Hotcha! Hank

Status Report

Well, babycakes - I've got my new PC, and it's a shiny beast that's quicker than hell, and for the most part I'm excited and satisfied...It hasn't been a flawless affair, however - I've got issues with my Frontpage software, and the fact that it apparently can't be loaded into a machine that isn't running MS Office. I'm running MS Works.

Oddly enough, while I wasn't able to install Frontpage 2003, I WAS able to install Frontpage 2000, which is a noticeably more primitive version of a software program that is already as Last Century as possible.

The question now is - what happens when I upload pages created in FP2000 to a site that is currently sitting on the server that was created with FP2003. Considering this is MS software, I'm assuming serious conflicts and issues will arise.

But first, I gotta be able to connect to my server host via Filezilla, and that ain't happening for whatever reason.

So, in the meantime, here's a semi-recent KIETH THE PERPETUAL TEEN strip that doesn't feature Kieth, but rather, Kieth's cats, Depardeau and Tuffy The Kibble Slayer...Ayup...

Hopefully EVERYTHINGATHON! will be running normally by the end of the week, as well as this HOT POOP blog...Until then...



Hotcha! Hank

A Thoroughly Modern Zombie

Hotcha! Hank

All Aboard The Beardwagon!!!!!

THE BEARD IS BACK!

Apparently.

The current issue of Time Magazine contains a story [link] about the renewed popularity of the beard in America.

Whether it is the scruff worn by assorted characters on LOST (which is a function of being on a deserted island moreso than a choice), the short-lived "strike beards" adorning the faces of David Letterman and Conan O'Brien, or the manly beards worn by various members of the New England Patriots (a function of superstition and cold fucking weather), this story's premise is that manly facial hair has made a comeback in our country.

Of course, being the iconoclast that I am, an iconoclast who has worn either a goattee or full-on beard since the age of 15 (1981 for those of you keeping tabs), I call "bullshit" on this entire trend, if only because most of these folks who have adopted facial hair are only doing so because they got a whiff of that same trend in the air, and want to be a meaningless part of it all.

Letterman and O'Brien both shaved theirs off within a week of returning to the airwaves, thus proving that neither truly had solidarity with the WGA, nor the cajones to keep the beard for merely aesthetic reasons, despite the fact that both talkshow hosts looked rather handsome in their bearded splendor.

If you pick up any indie music magazine, such as Alternative Press, you will see that the full-on beard has become as ubiquitous as those annoying fucking haircuts where the bangs hang prominently over half the face among the Emo/Metalcore set.



Listen, I don't know if I have a relevant point to this particular rant of mine, except to be self-serving (ouch, I think I broke my arm patting myself on the back)...Like I said, I've been wearing facial hair for 25+ years now, and it bothers me to see it become fashionable, rather than just "cool" all the time. So let me say this here - beards, or any sort of facial hair, is cool, all the time, until the end of time.

I had a chemistry teacher in high school, and we used to make fun of his fashion sense, to which he replied, "Fashion trends cycle through every 10-15 years, so I figure at least once per decade I'm back in style."

This is how I feel about facial hair. The '60's counterculture adopted the beard, only to trim it back to the moustache through much of the 1970's. The 1980's were all about the clean-shaven look (except for a brief stubbly moment thanks to MIAMI VICE), until Grunge made the goattee the hirsute choice of douchebags everywhere, many of them the member of a fraternity. And now, here we are, apparently celebrating the beard.

Personally, I think anyone (that includes you, ladies) capable of growing facial hair has a DUTY of doing so. Clean-shaven faces are for pre-pubescent boys and supermodels.

Those of you who know me, know my feelings about all of this already. My love of facial hair is probably best expressed through Doug Fudge, P.I., one of the characters from my comic strip who happens to make and sell all manner of outrageous beards and moustaches for the discerning person who wants to be incognito...

This current "trend", if it really is one, will be dead by summer...No, it will be dead by April. People are fucking cattle, for the most part, and as soon as this hype wears down, most will return to being cleanshaven bores afraid to cut against the grain, so to speak. To them, I say "good riddance" because they're just not cool enough to rock out with their beard out to begin with.

Oh, and my own theory as to why the beard has become popular as of late? I believe we're trying to identify with the "enemy", which right now is fundamentalist Muslims. Yeah, chew on THAT for awhile!

Hotcha! Hank

On The 12th Day Of Christmas...

I give to thee...TWELVE EUPHEMISMS courtesy of everyone's favorite cranky plant, JACK CACTUS...


Hotcha! Hank

On The 5th Day Of Christmas...

I give to thee...FIVE NEW BEARDS!!!!!


Hotcha! Hank

Random Stripping Event: 5July2007

Individual KIETH THE PERPETUAL TEEN strips are barely funny when taken within the context of an entire story arc, and they're almost never funny when considered on their own.


Such is the case with this particular strip, which is taken from a self-contained KTPT story tentatively entitled Sheriff Omar & The Pile Of Dead Disc Jockeys...

Pretty colors.


Hotcha! Hank

Tuesday Hot Poop Filler

This is DJ Svelte Teddy, possibly better known to you as President Theodore Roosevelt. He's one of the ridiculously stupid DJ characters I whipped up for a KIETH THE PERPETUAL TEEN "episode" tentatively entitled Sheriff Omar & The Pile Of Dead Disc Jockeys.

Basically, someone is killing all the DJs of ???

You know, I've been drawing KTPT on and off for 22 years, and I still don't know where the comic strip takes place. Hmmmm...

Anyways, a whole bunch of famously imaginary DJs get killed, and of course, Kieth is immediately made the prime suspect. Alot of dumb things are said by all your favorite KTPT characters, several beards are worn as disguises, drugs are consumed - all the usual stuff.

So, yeah, this is DJ Svelte Teddy. Hot Poop filler for this Tuesday in June.

Hotcha! Hank

Random Stripping Event: 12June2007

Full of young, dumb cum. 100%!

Hotcha!
Hank

Bonus Stripping Event

I was 10 strips into a Kieth The Perpetual Teen story about the Mooninite Terror in Boston when I lost steam and a way out of the story. This is the first strip in the series so far...

And here's probably the funniest one of the bunch, if only because it's the least silly and stupid, which is actually ANTI-Kieth The Perpetual Teen...It's #4 in the series...

And finally, let's jump to the tenth and final strip in series...If it feels like the end, it is because I copped out early...I've got an idea about extending the story another 5-10 strips, but The Day The Mooninites Nearly Destroyed Beantown is already a faded memory, only 3 weeks later...

Hotcha! Hank

A Pointless Rant About Alternative Press

A nice perk I get from working at a media software company, is free subscriptions to various music and film magazines. Actually, the perk is due to being friends with Steve F., the Artist Relations dude in our marketing department, who is kindly cool enough to get me on these subscription lists even though I work in operations...Lowly operations...Minding the inventory and wrangling tape guns.

Anyways, one of the magazines I get for free is Alternative Press.

Once upon a time, Alt Press was a pretty good magazine - good enough, anyways, that I subscribed for many years. But at some point in the mid-1990's Jason Pettigrew seemingly became responsible for about 75% of the magazine's content, which is fine for a fucking blog like this one, or that one, but doesn't work so well for a music publication that had gone glossy and fairly mainstream. I didn't agree with Jason Pettigrew's taste in music, or the direction of the magazine in general, so I stopped subscribing.

Then, about three years ago, Steve F. got me on their subscription list again, and every month since I've found a new copy of Alt Press in my mailbox, and man, it's fairly amazing to me to see just how far the scales have tipped in the intervening years.

Nowadays, I consider Alt Press a comedy magazine. It's funnier than Mad, Cracked, Radar, etc., and on a par with The Source (a hip hop mag) for making me laugh and shake my head in wonderment and disbelief. What's difficult to discern is whether it is the magazine itself that makes me laugh, or the bands it covers. Is it all the ridiculous full-page ads for all manner of fashions emblazoned with flaming skulls, or is it the long, sweeping bangs hanging in the faces of 46% of the musicians in the pictures? Is it the overloaded content that renders short, superficial reviews, or the illegible band logos on every other page? Maybe in my middle age I'm just able to recognize homogenous music scenes when I see 'em and hear 'em, or maybe Alternative Press is more and more a part of the non-alternative machine. Once upon a time, some folks considered 'em tastemakers, but nowadays they cram so much content into every issue that they're bound to get it "right" once in awhile. And more and more, the bands they truly champion have big contracts and tours sponsored by Honda.

Jason Pettigrew is still with 'em, which I respect and admire, and nowadays he's Editor-In-Chief, so he probably wields as much power as he ever has, but at least these days they've got 4 dozen contributing writers, if I've counted correctly. A magazine need that kind of muscle when they're telling us about the 100 Bands We Need To Know in '07. It's still not tastemaking. It's more like throwing as much against the whiteboard as possible, and seeing what sticks. What sticks with the chicks.

As much as anything else, Alt Press appears to shape their content around the tastes of their readership, which seems to be comprised of about 85% teenaged girls, if the magazine's letters section and online forums are any indication. Perhaps this is just good business sense, giving those girls what they want, especially in this post-internet world, but I believe it makes for poor content and a skewed editorial perspective. But again, I'm old enough to be these girls' dad, so maybe it's not fair for me to find fault.

To my thinking, magazines like Alt Press should be influencing their readers, and not the other way around. People who write and edit for culture magazines (especially one called Alternative Press, and really isn't that bit of semantics what this rant of mine is really all about?), should have a better grasp on culture than the average citizen. Yes, they should recognize trends when they naturally occur, but really, they should be working to uncover great bands and local scenes, and then spreading that gospel, and doing it with a bit of heart and true belief. Instead, Alt Press fills it's magazine with glossy photos of bands like Fallout Boy and AFI, and full-paged ads for the likes of interpunk.com and Draven Shoes. I'm not exactly sure what's "alternative" about most of the bands they cover, or the cookie cutter fashions being pitched, but there ya go...So-called "alternative culture" as defined by 17 year olds named Amber and Cody and co-opted by Verizon. Or maybe it's the other way around...I'm not sure.

I'm certainly not Alt Press' main demographic, but then again, I'm still quicker to embrace truly alternative music and culture than 1000 Ambers, and damn if I don't have more disposable income than a typical Cody. My point, again, is that Alt Press seemingly has things backwards, and rather than exposing these kids to the truly alternative, they're seemingly only regurgitating what these kids have already embraced en masse...Add to the fact that they have a palpable disdain for history before about 1980, and take potshots at Pitchforkmedia.com at least half a dozen times per issue (hey, at least Alt Press recognized their enemy), and it becomes obvious, to me anyways, that Alternative Press is more concerned about their bottom line than actually being arbiters of interesting music and vanguards of culture.

So, I'm not sure where this rant is supposed to go. And let's face it - it's was a cookie cutter rant from the start . (Did I namecheck Hot Topic yet? I have now. Check!) To sum up - bad music magazine not living up to it's name, covering popular music that all kinda sounds the same for a bunch of young people who all dress alike.

As I've said so many times before, I'm a nice guy, but maybe I really am anti-social.

Stay tuned for my list of really crappy and lame band names, culled directly from the latest issue of Alternative Press. Sometimes you really can judge a book by it's cover.

Hotcha!
Hank

Fudgie's Beard Index 2-B

Fudgie's Beard Index 1-A

Hotcha! Hank

On The Third Day of Christmas...

...Mohaski gave to thee...Three new beards...


Hotcha! Hank

Doug Fudge, Private Eye

Doug "Fudgie" Fudge is a character in my comic strip, Kieth The Perpetual Teen...As the title of this post makes clear, Doug Fudge is a Private Eye, and as such, he is a master of disguise, and this is just one of his beard and moustache index sheets, which I am offering here as a handy tool for yr next espionage/criminal activity.

[Click on the image to enlarge.]

Hotcha!
Hank