Something 4 The Weekend # 249

Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band:  The Spotlight Kid:  "Blabber N'Smoke"  [mp3]

2012 has become the election of the percentages. 

First it was the 99% and the 1%.  I won't get into the whole scope of that except to say that according to the Congressional Budget Office, between 1979 and 2007, the top earning 1 percent of Americans have seen their after-tax-and-benefit incomes grow by an average of 275%, compared to around 40-60% for the lower 99 percent.

Then a few weeks ago a video emerged of Mitt Romney speaking at a $50,000/plate fundraiser back in May 2012, saying

"There are 47% of the people who will vote for the president no matter what. All right, there are 47% who are with him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it."

Mitt Romney believes that if you are a Democrat, you are de facto a helpless, possibly lazy, victim who cannot take care of yourself.  Mitt Romney said these things to a room full of people each giving him $50k.  Mitt Romney must be voting for Barack Obama.

And now, within the last week, a 2010 video has emerged of Paul Ryan saying that 60% of Americans enjoy more dollars worth of benefits from the government than the amount they pay in taxes, and that this 60% of Americans are "takers versus makers".  This is probably true, or close to being true, but it's less about the numbers and more about the philosophy behind the statement, a poor choice of words perhaps, in order for him to make a quippy rhyme, but nonetheless, the belief that nearly two-thirds of Americans aren't pulling their weight.  I guess that means there's a 60% chance he's talking about you and me. 

Hmmm...Considering the amount of money spent to keep a congressional office running - staffers, security, travel expenses, operational costs, Paul Ryan is undoubtedly one of those 60% too.  Paul Ryan is a TAKER!  OMFG!

Anyways, I'm 93% certain you don't give a shit about my opinion about any of this, so allow me to say this, and try to disagree - the history of civilization has always been the story of a very small minority of people controlling a vast majority of money and power, and using those tools to exploit and control and even opress a very large majority of people without much wealth or power.

So there's really only one question to ask.  Which side are you on?

C'mon, it's a 50/50 proposition.

Hotcha!  Hank

Something 4 The Weekend # 243

John Coltrane:  A Love Supreme:  "Psalm"  [mp3]

Earlier today a rather fucked-up individual killed 12 people in a movie theater in Colorado.  We all know this.  We all know it could have been much worse.  I'm trying to avoid knowing any more than that, although it's an impossible task here on the internet.   The chittering of millions, mostly anonymous.  The squawking of pundits we can recognize, if not name. 

So much chittering and squawking back and forth, trying to weave some sort of reason for this latest atrocity, and it's all the usual suspects - lax gun laws, an inadequate mental health system and poor insurance coverage for the mentally ill, video games, a nation that is increasingly apathetic or antagonistic towards God and our saviour the lord Jesus Christ, and some strain of popular music, usually Fucking Metal.  It might also be the president's fault.

I'm sure all these reasons, and many more, somehow contributed to the WHY? of it all, but in the end I'm content to simply believe the killer, James Holmes, broke.  I mean, our brains are such complicated, delicate things, capable of imbalance and unreason, and even when we are relatively rational, we must still somehow make sense of a world that is cold and cruel and often nonsensical, as it always has been.

Why did James Holmes do what he did?  Because there are several billion people on this planet, and some of us are simply defective.  Imbalanced.  Unreasonable.  Fucked up. 

And have easy access to guns.

Hank

Something 4 The Weekend # 218

Laurie Anderson: Homeland: "Another Day In America" [mp3]

We all know what this Sunday is all about, right?

I'm not a fan of nationalism, so my thoughts and feelings about the events of 9-11-01, and our rememberance of the day on this 10th anniversary, are not very deep or involved. Which means this Sunday I'll be drinking Kentucky bourbon, smoking SW Sconnie weed, watching football, monitoring my fantasy teams, and perhaps doing things like absent-mindedly drawing comic strip stuff, or finally getting around to reading Portnoy's Complaint. At some point I'll probably order a 16" Pestoral from Roman Candle Pizza, and if my fantasy teams do well, and if I actually start reading Portnoy's Complaint, I might masturbate sometime in the evening.

My biggest hope for Sunday is that I hear bits of Lee Greenwood's "Proud To Be An American" no more than three times that day. My plan is to mute the TV and crank Fucked Up, or some such loud and rollicking music combo of that sort.

So yeah, this is another solipsistic blog entry, making a national tragedy all about me...

But what would you have me write? That I'm not a fan of nationalism? That I believe our current financial problems can be partially tied to the events of 9-11? That I'm not a 9-11 truther but I still don't understand how the damage at the Pentagon was done by a passenger jet airliner and not a missile? That we retaliated in the wrong country for reasons other than retaliation?

You don't want or need my opinions about nationalism, fundamentalism, war, death, the Bush Administration, the Obama Administration, or the politics of oil. Of course, you didn't want or need to know I'm probably going to pleasure myself Sunday evening, but here we are.

Information is not knowledge, babycakes.

I suppose the blog post I should have written here and now would have posited the thought that when I think about New York City, I think of maybe eight people - Woody Allen, Lou Reed, Laurie Anderson, Gregory Corso, and the Talking Heads.

And then I could have gone on to write about how Anderson's song "O Superman" appeared to be a bit prescient in light of the events of 9-11, and somehow brought it around to this particular song you're hopefully listening to right now.

But I didn't do that, did I?

See, I've been hesitant to read Portnoy's Complaint because I think I'm too old to really truly enjoy it. It's like The Basketball Diaries, or Catcher In The Rye, which were scriptures to me when I was 17, but not so much with subsequent readings. From what I know of Roth's book, I fear the same might be true - that it's a book I probably should have read when I was 28. I guess I'll find out.

Hotcha! Hank

Something 4 The Weekend # 195

Utah Phillips: We Have Fed You All A Thousand Years: "Solidarity Forever" [mp3]

Let's be clear - the shit going down here in Madison and Wisconsin has less to do with balancing the state's budget, and more to do with busting some of the biggest unions in this state (and several other states) for political reasons - namely, to cripple, if not outright destroy, some of the biggest campaign contributors to the Democratic Party and it's candidates, nevermind that if these unions are weakened or "destroyed", the individuals who belong to these unions will undoubtedly continue to contribute and vote Democrat.

I think it's important to remember that historically unions have sided mostly with Democrats, because it illustrates a fundamental truth (as I see it) about the two American political parties - the Democrats are more representative to the working class, while Republicans are more representative to the ruling class. And I think the heavy-handed and disdainful way Governor Scott Walker has handled this whole situation further illustrates just how little he and his party care about the lower and middle class.

Setting aside the parts of Walker's bill pertaining to unions' collective bargaining rights, did you know there is also a provision that would allow publicly-held utilities such as Madison Gas & Electric to be sold to private entities using no-bid contracts? Did you know that the billionaire Koch brothers would then be able to purchase MG&E, as they would like to do?

The rich get richer, protect their own, and fuck the rest of us. That's the Republican way, and it's dismaying that so many Republicans and Tea Partiers, who are not rich, continue to support those who would fuck them too.

Hotcha! Hank

Something 4 The Weekend # 194

Billy Bragg: Between The Wars EP: "Which Side Are You On?" [mp3]

Over the past couple of days more and more protesters (40k of them today by some accounts) have converged on the capitol building here in Madison to fight back against Governor Scott Walker's proposed budget legislation that, among other things, would eliminate state workers' rights to collectively bargain, which is one of the most fundamental reasons unions exist at all.

The governor is trying to rein in a reported $3 billion dollar state budget deficit, and he was elected, after all, to do something about it. I mean, that's essentially why every politician is elected, right? To take care of the budget. Taxing and spending. Or not spending. One cannot fault governor Walker for trying to do what he was elected to do.

The main problem, of course, is that Walker's proposed legislation is extreme, especially in a state with a proud history of unions. The other problem is the way he's attempted to railroad this thing through the state legislature. If the 14 Democrats hadn't bailed to Illinois, this whole shebang would have gone from the initial proposal to law in 5 days. In regards to that, State Senator Fred Risser is right when he says one of the main reasons for the Democrat's stall tactics is to allow more time for a better discussion of the issue, so that the people of Wisconsin are fully aware of exactly what's going on. In other words, the Democrats want the message to sink in that the governor is being a dick. Whatever.

The most interesting aspect of all this, to me, is that the police, fire, and EMT unions are exempt from Walker's legislation. Which side of the fight will the cops take? If these protests here in Madison continue to grow and intensify, will the cops use heavy hands to keep the peace? Or will they show solidarity with their union brothers and sisters?

Speaking of sisters, some are suggesting that there is perhaps an underlying misogyny at work in "all this". The teacher's union, WEAC, is the biggest union affected by "all this", and approximately 70% of all public school teachers are women. I would never suggest such a thing, but it's an interesting aspect of "all this" to consider. I believe there's a cognitive dissonance in the minds of some, who bitch in general, unfounded terms, about the sorry state of our public schools, but who also bitch about their taxes being too high and the idea that teachers are overpaid.

"They only work, like, 8 months a year!"

I'm on the union's side, Mr. Bragg, always and forever. I'm a working man. Even in an office, I fly the flannel.

Hotcha! Hank

Something 4 The Weekend # 181

Mulsimgauze: United States Of Islam: "United States Of Islam (Part One)" [mp3]

The first amendment secures our right to assemble and burn Korans. In other words, the first amendment insures Pastor Terry Jones the right to act as un-Christian as he wants, whether he sees this act as a relevant and appropriate response to the attacks of 9-11-01, or more specifically, the proposed opening of an Islamic community center near "ground zero".

The old testament might teach us that equitable retribution is a righteous law ("an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth"), but that is certainly NOT a Christian idea. In his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus had this to say...

"You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.' But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you." ~Matthew 5:38-42~

In my opinion, Pastor Terry Jones is not a Christian, nor is anyone who agrees with his worldviews and/or his Koran-burning plan, whether he follows through with it or not. The typical fundamentalist mindset is incorrect, whether it's Christian fundamentalism, or Islamic fundamentalism. Salvation cannot be found through violence and hatred, and once again I say that belief alone in God and Jesus/Mohammad is simply not enough for one to find his/her place at the right hand of God in heaven.

I do not believe in God or heaven, but I cannot say that God does not exist, or that there is no heaven. What I do believe is that if God and heaven actually do exist, we will find our place at his right hand through compassion, understanding, and a willingness to forgive the trespasses of others, and all the other righteous behaviors we all should strive for as decent human beings.

In 2010, I believe America is lost. Far too many of us have absolutely no understanding of our own religion, and plenty of us have no understanding our rights as American citizens. The people who have become frenzied over Pastor Terry Jones plans to burn Korans and wish to stop him are completely ignoring the Pastor's first amendment rights. He has every right to burn those holy books, and to speak out against that proposed Islamic community center in NYC, just as his detractors have every right to call him foolish and short-sighted.

And I do believe he's a fool, and a remarkably un-Christian fool at that. But ultimately he's free to be who he wants to be, and to do what he wants to do within the limits of the law.

I'll shut up now.

Hotcha! Hank

Sir Isaac Isaacs

In case you missed the link in the previous post, this is Sir Isaac Isaacs, the Governor General of Australia in the 1930's. About nine times a week I call Isaac The Cat "Sir Isaac Isaacs", though as I said, he wasn't named after this man and his regal moustache.

Here he is without the wig and the moustache. The uniform is dynamite, but I think he needs a nice hat... And the 'stache.

Hotcha! Hank

Give Arizona Back!

Almost 20 years ago, the powers that be in Arizona took issue with Martin Luther King, Jr. day as a recognized national holiday. Nowadays, they've all got a collective bug up their collective asses about Hispanics. I think we're at the point now where the only solution is to simply give the whole fucking state back to Mexico. Short of that, a militant Navaho uprising might clear things up a bit.

Racial profiling...Teachers with accents banned...And now, Ethnic Studies classes banned in the Tucson school district...

http://azstarnet.com/news/local/education/precollegiate/article_10fb594b-cca6-5a3f-a65e-9689f1e963bb.html

Bravo, governor Jan Brewer, you racist piece of shit! Bravo!

Hotcha! Hank

Things I Liked Last Week 050910

01: Kanellos The Greek Protest Dog: The Greeks aren't afraid to protest, and even riot a bit, when their government fucks them over. As an armchair anarchist, it makes me sad that the American people have been, by and large, taken advantage of by our government and big business time and time again, but we're too fat and complacent to do much more than bitch about it with friends and coworkers. Nobody is taking it to the streets except the Tea Partiers, and I'm fairly convinced their entire movement is built on a solid foundation of racism, because the tax rates under our current black president is pretty much in line (and in many cases lower) with the tax rates under every other president over the past 50 years. In other words, where were these white, middle class people during the Bush, Clinton, Reagan, Carter and Nixon years? The top marginal tax rate during the Reagan years (their beloved political hero) hovered around 50%, while it sits at 38% under Obama? But now I'm getting wildly off-topic. Follow the link, and see 14 pictures of Kanellos, perhaps a more "involved" citizen than most of us.



02: Community: "Modern Warfare": S1-EP23: As the season has progressed, Community has grown into its own, and has grown on me. At first, I thought it was a fairly good comedy - good enough to kick off NBC's Thursday night comedy block, but not as strong as the three shows which follow. Well, sad to say, The Office has been quite underwhelming this year, and may be ready to head out to pasture, while 30 Rock is still great, but not as insane as it was last season. Parks & Recreation is currently the strongest of the four comedies, but I believe this "Modern Warfare" episode of Community is a welcome indication of just how good this show can be. Every week we can count on the writers to sneak a number of sly movie references into the show (via the character of Abed), but this particular episode is simply remarkable in that respect. Plus, it's just plain funny.

03: Screamo Kitty: I believe this picture speaks for itself.

04: Sherlock Holmes: I didn't love this movie, if only because I'm rather protective of the character and stories of the creator, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, and this adaptation is not only a non-canonical story, but the illustrious detective, as played by Robert Downey Jr., is painted with rather broad strokes. As I mentioned two weeks ago, I'm partial to Jeremy Brett's portrayal in the Granada TV series of the 1980's, which showed Holmes in all his bitchy, egotistical glory, to say nothing of the homosexual undercurrent running throughout, which I believe to be one of the more important aspects of the original character. Is he gay, or merely asexual? Doyle leaves us guessing. Here, with the introduction of Irene Adler, as played by Rachel McAdams, there is no mystery, and that's a shame. Having said all this, I'm still a sucker for the characters of Holmes and Watson, a sucker for London circa 1890ish, and dammit if Guy Ritchie doesn't know how to make superb action films. This movie might not have been what I wanted, but it is damn entertaining nonetheless.

05: EVERYTHINGATHON! v101: Hats off to Dan Dierdorf, who tells a horrifying story of his trip to Burning Man several years ago, mixing a bunch of great heavy metal into the podcast for good measure. Check it out for the rest of this month.

06: Super Kohinoor Indian Food: I love Indian food, and thankfully there are a couple of very good Indian restaurants in Madison. However, I do not eat in restaurants very often because it's hard to justify the cost, and while I'm a pretty good cook, Indian cuisine is one of the more difficult to do well, I believe - I'm certainly not very adept. That's where the Super Kohinoor brand comes in. You might laugh when I tell you that this particular line of products (among many other Indian foods made by Kohinoor) is nothing more complicated than boil bags - boil the bag for 5 minutes, and then simply pour over rice. So simple, even a caveman (such as myself) can do it, but considering the nature of this product, it more than satisfies my Indian food cravings when they arise (I always keep a few of these Kohinoor products in my pantry). They make about 8 different "dishes" in this line, but I'd have to say Awahdi Aloo Mutter is my favorite of the bunch, which is really nothing more than peas and potatos in a vibrant curry. Available in most supermarkets, I'm sure.

Hotcha! Hank

When Sideways Maneuver Talks To God

"When the president talks to God, does he ever think that maybe he's not? That the voice is just inside his head when he kneels next to the presidential bed...Does he ever smell his own bullshit when the president talks to God?...I doubt it."

Hotcha! Hank

Something 4 The Weekend # 135

Woods: Songs Of Shame: "Military Madness" [mp3]

I shouldn't have to tell my fellow Americans (and most others around the world) what today is, so I won't...

The question has been asked before by others, but where have all the anti-war and protest songs been this past decade? Aside from Bright Eyes' "When The President Talks To God", I'm having a hard time thinking of any others...

("Military Madness" is a Graham Nash song from 1971, btw...)

While the Cheney administration was bullshitting the American public into a nasty war against the wrong country/regime (Iraq) at a cost of hundreds of billions of dollars and untold human lives, it would seem the opposition was mostly ineffectual...It's not necessarily true that the anti-war people were completely quiet, but underlying the opposition (at least to me) was the feeling that we were helpless and powerless to do anything, and so we mostly did nothing...

Until the 2008 elections, when the majority of voters put the Democrats back into Congressional power and gave Barack Obama the presidency, which seems to me to be a fairly strong repudiation of the past 8 years...

And now President Obama and the Democrat-led Congress are attempting to pass some health care reforms, including a public option and insurance coverage for those of us who cannot afford insurance in any form, and dammit if Republicans and those with conservative political ideologies aren't storming town hall meetings and screaming bullshit talking points and trying to stifle any sort of rational dialogue. These are the same people who saw no problem with funding DEATH and WAR to the tune of hundreds of billions of dollars, but believe that taking care those who cannot take care of themselves, improving their quality of life, and in some instances, SAVING LIVES, is a waste of money, and even worse, SOCIALISM...

Words cannot express the ridiculousness of it all...Maybe that's why there are no decent protest songs these days. Cognitive dissonance is a stone-cold bitch.

Hotcha! Hank

Something 4 The Weekend # 133

Earth: The Bees Made Honey In The Lion's Skull: "Engine Of Ruin" [mp3]

The passing of Massachusetts senator Ted Kennedy this past week has heightened the already extreme polarity of American politics between liberals and conservatives, Democrats and Republicans. While most liberals have been effusive in their praise for the man's many legislative accomplishments and his championing of those among us who are in need of the most championing (the poor, tired and huddled masses), many conservatives have approached the man's passing from an entirely different direction, honing in on the incident/crime at Chappaquiddick as the jumping off point for demonization of the man's entire life and career, and even much worse, celebrating his death, and wishing death upon others who share his political philosophy. They celebrate his death because of the death of Mary Jo Kopechne. They cheer his death because of his pro-abortion beliefs, but mostly they rejoice in his death merely because he doesn't share their same basic political worldview.

This is the America we live in today - largely devoid of empathy, sympathy, compassion, forgiveness, understanding, compromise, etc...We revel in the misfortune of others, we take great comfort and joy in the misery of those we do not like, or merely don't agree with. We demonize those we do not understand because it is far easier to do so than to try and simply understand.

And I say this not to necessarily demonize the conservative right, because you and I know damn well that when Dick Cheney dies, there will be far too many on the political left who will act and speak with the same kind of vitriol we are currently seeing directed at Kennedy. Hell, I'll likely be one of them...

And the saddest part of all this is - I believe this country hasn't been this divided since the Civil War era, and there is no easy way back to civility, respectful discourse, and the ideals upon which this country was supposedly founded. We are a country adrift. We are lost, and it remains to be seen whether or not we can find our way back.

Ever the cynic (I prefer pragmatic, but whatever), I fear we are beyond the point of no return.

But hey, have a fantastic weekend!

Hotcha! Hank

Sideways BURB Maneuver

Tape Jazz Massacre haven't done any videos, so I offer you this trim and sarcastic bit of nostalgia, called "War Bonus", courtesy of my friend Nort Weston down in the flatter lands west of Chicago...His music/video unit is called BURB...

Now excuse me while I blather a bit...

Remember the days when the wrong t-shirt got a loony liberal forcibly removed from Town Hall Meetings or campaign rallies if he or she had even gained access with that wrong t-shirt in the first place?

Remember when Dick Cheney was the only person who could bring a gun to a political function without question or repercussions?

Remember when Dick Cheney shot his billionaire friend in the face?

Remember the days when the government spent hundreds of billions of dollars on a War On Terror (the ultimate Death Panel), and if a person even questioned any of it (the war, the cost of the war, the justification for the war), let alone raise their voice in any sort of protest, they'd be called a traitor and worse?

Remember when waterboarding and the other assorted means of interrogation as used at Abu Ghraib were rationalized, justified and accepted, and if you didn't agree, you hated America?

Remember when the government would intercept any phone calls, emails, text messages and Pony Express messengers they felt like, and we better like it...Or else...??????

Remember those days?

Nowadays, the very idea government-provided healthcare for those among us who needed the most (one of the most fundamentally Christian things we can do as a society, I'd say) is called "Socialism" by those among us who are most Christian, and often enough in need of the very kind of health care they oppose violently in these Town Hall Meetings...

In the end, I guess I can only ask - why wasn't there that kind of vitriol in 2003? 2004? Where was that kind of passion when they tapped our phones and told us war and death was the only path to glory? Where were the viciously angry words in public forums when the Bush administration lied to us? Time and time again?

Who championed de-regulation in the financial markets, and why didn't anybody raise a bigger stink before it all came crashing down?

At this moment in time, what right does ANYBODY on the conservative/Republican side of the political aisle have to bitch and complain about ANYTHING? Their elected officials have been fucking up seemingly everything they touch, and spending us into the poorhouse all the way, and now they've lost an honest election and their political power...If they can't sit down at the table, so to speak, and discuss their opposition to the policies of the Obama administration and this Democratic Congress in a rational, civilized manner, they ought to sit at home, ride it out, and most importantly, just shut the fuck up...

Why healthcare?

Hotcha! Hank

R.I.P. Uncle Walter

I don't have much to say about the passing of Walter Cronkite earlier today, except to say that when I was a kid my family ate dessert in the living room and watched the CBS Evening News. Thinking about it now, I have to say that it was an ingenious way to get my sister and me to know and even care about the news and current events.

Now, I was too young (4 years old) to remember this particular footage, but it's a trim 59 seconds of TV gold...Dan Rather gets roughed up on the floor of the 1968 Democratic Convention, when all hell broke loose in Chicago, and at one point Cronkite utters one of my favorite quotes of all time - "I think we've got a bunch of thugs here, Dan."

YouTube has disabled embedding, so here's the link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TrlYRWD_tnA

RIP, Mr. Cronkite...

Hotcha! Hank

[photo courtesy Life Magazine]

Six-Four

June 4th, 1974 - Hoping to jack up ticket sales at Cleveland Municipal Stadium, the Cleveland Indians offered all fans an unlimited supply of 10 cent cups of Stroh's beer. Drunken unruliness ensued and the Indians were forced to forfeit the game to the Rangers because the umpires were unable to get the crowd under control. I wish I could have been there.

June 4th, 1989 - Crowds of different protesters and activists had initially assembled in Tiananmen Square in Beijing to mourn the death of a pro-market, pro-democracy official, and they had assembled there for almost two months before the Chinese military moved in and clamped down on the crowd which had grown to more than 100,000...An estimated 2600 people died in what is sometimes called the "June Fourth Massacre", and its immediate aftermath...I don't believe we know what happened to "Tank Man", standing there at the heart of one of the most amazing images ever captured on film.

Hotcha! Hank

Maneuver The Mullah Sideways, Said

Muslimgauze: "Mullah Said"

A mesmerizing song, and an evocative video that is essentially a "day in the life" of a typical Persian youth, and Muslim life in general...

Hotcha! Hank

Breakdown Dead Ahead

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Stephen's Inauguration Breakdown

Colbert at Christmas
Colbert Christmas DVD

Green Screen
Bill O'Reilly Interview

Kinda like that exploding banana head video from the other day...

Kinda?

Hotcha! Hank

HANK RANKS No. 19

My 19 Dream Dinner Parties

You know the scenario - If you could have dinner with any three people, living or dead, who would you choose?

This has long been one of my favorite little daydreaming activities, just sitting around with soft music in the background, thinking about interesting combinations of personalities and the kinds of conversations that might arise...And also being able to ask questions of historical figures, to sift the myth from fact...For this reason, alot of my favorite combinations are dead people, but I sometimes wonder if Beethoven would be any more enlightening or fun than Philip Glass.

So, anyways, I've written down dozens of these combinations of Dream Dinner Guests over the years, littering the margins and open spaces of countless notebooks and index cards...Here are my favorite nineteen cuz I'm self-indulgent like that...Here comes some blather on a lazy afternoon...Just remember, as always, this information is not knowledge...

HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP

19: John F. Kennedy, Lee Harvey Oswald, Jack Ruby...Uncomfortable! For the meal, I'd serve a variety of "Five Dollar Footlongs" from Subway, assorted bags of Frito-Lay chips, and whatever Coca-Cola brand soft drink flavors they've got on the self-serve machine...

18: Lewis Carroll, Theodor Seuss Geisel, Fred Rogers...This dream dinner best represents my childhood, I suppose...Now, if I could have a dream dinner with fictional characters from my childhood, I'd probably choose Grover from Sesame Street, Leroy "Encyclopedia" Brown (or maybe even Sherlock Holmes), and Paul Bunyan (or maybe Bigfoot)...Anyways, for the meal, I'd serve grilled cheese sandwiches, tater-tots with tartar sauce for dipping, cottage cheese, celery with peanut butter, and ice cold 2% milk...For dessert, warm oatmeal raisin cookies and more milk...Marjory The Trash Heap???

17: King George III, Marie Antoinette, Thomas Jefferson...Three prominent figures from the late 1700's, and the revolutions in America and France...For the meal, Chinese take-out from China Wok, where I get those messed-up fortunes every Tuesday at lunch...

16: Abraham Lincoln, Audrey Hepburn, Richard Pryor...I think this dream dinner is pretty self-explanatory...LOL...For the meal, I'd serve soft-shell steak tacos, heavy on the guacamole and onions...Pitchers of Horchata, and soft snickerdoodles for dessert...

15: Meg White, Rosario Dawson, Monica Bellucci...What can I say? This dinner party is all about the company of three luxurious, voluptuous ladies...For the meal, Oysters Rockefeller, caviar, steamed artichoke hearts, Pernod, Absinthe and Champagne, strawberries and chocolate sauce, butterscotch pudding...

14: "The Leatherman", Tom Waits, "Johnny Appleseed" Chapman...The Leatherman was a famous vagabond who travelled western Connecticut and the length of the Hudson River in New York in the latter half of the 19th century...He was that rare famous hobo, famous because he wore nothing but handmade leather garments from head-to-toe = shoes, pants, shirt, suit coat, top hat...All dirty, stinky leather...Rather than re-tell his fascinating story here, I'll direct you towards a handy Wiki link...Johnny Appleseed was another traveller, though he had a more defined purpose for wandering around...Tom Waits is simply cool, and he gets around, you know? For the meal I'd serve tins of sardines, fancy crackers, loaves of thick-sliced bread to sop up the sardine oil, a five pound block of cheese, a large quantity of hot apple pies, Thermoses™ of hot, black coffee, flasks of Korbel brandy, and one pint of beer for each of us. For dessert, more hot apple pie, a la mode...And a bushel of apples for each of us to take with us afterwards...

13: E.E. Cummings, William Carlos Williams, Frank O'Hara...I've got 11,640 pages of half-baked metaphors and dull images from my 20's sitting in boxes in my closet that my two cats take turns protecting...At 32 I burned myself out on a few meager accolades and 12 credits of Poetry labs on my transcript ...Nowadays I contemplate burning some of those volumes while I try to figure out how to hot poop...These are my three favorite American poets of the 20th century, tokens of the years before my own millenial crash...For the meal I'd serve all-beef hot dogs with ketchup, Peppadew mustard and diced onions, a huge pot of baked beans, salt & vinegar potato chips, and 4 gallons of creamy root beer...For dessert, Bananas Foster...

12: Piet Mondrian...Max Ernst...Bill Griffith...This dinner party would satisfy the comic-stripping, MUCKO-ing artsy-farter in me...Mondrian was part of the De Stijl movement in the first half of the 20th century, and his colorful geometric paintings wholly satisfy my right-brained tendencies...Ernst was a German Dada/Surrealism artist in many different mediums...Griffith is the creator of the Zippy The Pinhead comic strip, my favorite strip of all-time, and loaded with tons of absurdity (and stellar art)...For the meal, I'd serve porcupine meatballs, mashed potatoes and sweet peas, ice cold milk, and for dessert, hot apple pie leftover from a previous dream dinner...

11: Woody Allen...Terry Gilliam...Joel & Ethan Coen...After music, movies are the biggest passion in my life. I watch tons of films, and I take alot of notes cuz I've got Final Draft on my computer and farfetched dreams of screenplay glory in my head. If I had to choose my three favorite filmmakers, it would have to be these four because the Coens come as a pair, natch...What I like best about all of these guys is that they write most of their own scripts, which is what kept Scorsese from making this table...For the meal, I'd put a pitcher of ice water and an enormous bowl of Cobb Salad in the middle of the table and just let everybody have at it...

10: Amelia Earhart, Joni Mitchell, Emily Dickinson...This is a strange one...A WTF? kinda dinner party....But I'd really like to find out what happened to Ms. Earhart...And Joni Mitchell because she wrote a beautiful song called "Amelia" , and simpy because she's Joni, you know?...I am fairly ambivalent about Emily Dickinson's poetry, but I always understood the reclusive life she led...For the meal I'd serve ham & cheese omelets and potato pancakes, warm buttermilk...For dessert, coffee and cigarettes.

09: Hunter S Thompson, William S Burroughs, Ulysses S Grant...My best guess is that we'd talk about guns, and probably shoot off a few rounds...Maybe go hunting for our meal before actually sitting down to eat...Grilled rabbit, squirrel, pheasant, wild turkey...Maybe some venison...Mashed potatoes and sweet corn...Heavy mugs of dark lagers, possibly some port wine...Scotch and cigars and LSD for dessert...

08: Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Joseph Stalin, Winston Churchill...The Yalta Conference revisited, around my kitchen table...Nuff said...For the meal, I'd serve cheeseburgers, onion rings and milkshakes of many flavors...For dessert, a very large platter of assorted Hostess products = Twinkies, Ding Dongs, HoHo's, Snowballs, Chocodiles, Suzy Q's, Pudding Pies...

07: d. Boon, Jimi Hendrix, Sonny Sharrock...My three favorite dead guitar players...Kurt Cobain was a close fourth, and then there's Eddie Van Halen and Jeff Beck still among the living...I figured this dinner party would be a good chance to get some guitar lessons...For the meal, fucking corndogs on sticks (Minutemen fans will get the reference) and a vat of ketchup to dip 'em in, plenty of tater-tots, and a fridge full of bottled pure-cane sugar Coca-Cola that you can only get at the Mexican grocery store and/or during Passover...

06: Ernest Hemingway, Gertrude Stein, John Dos Passos...Paris after the the first World War...The feast moves to my dining room, if only for a night...Racks of roasted lamb with carmelized shallot and thyme crust, a sizzling casserole dish of Gruyere Potato Gratin, a big bowl of steamed cauliflower, and bottles of fresh Beaujolais Nouveau...Crème brûlée and dark roast coffee for dessert...

05: Jesus Christ, Siddhartha Gautama, Lao Tse...I was raised and confirmed Catholic, before lapsing into Buddhism for awhile and finally falling into Taoism...For the meal I'd serve a good old-fashioned Wisconsin Friday night, all-you-can-eat fish fry = An endless serving of delicate pieces of deep-fried perch filets and piles of golden french fries...Tubs of creamy coleslaw and bowls of tartar sauce, tall stacks of buttered rye bread, and a never-empty pitcher of Spotted Cow Farmhouse Ale...

04: William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar, King Henry VIII...The "Bard Of Avon" and two of his most famous and interesting subjects...A chance compare stories, so to speak...For this dream dinner I always imagine a spacious hall of feast befitting kings...Perhaps a small troupe of actors would perform the two relevant plays for us...Perhaps the four of us would simply do a table read...For the meal, a fat pig, roasted on a slowly-turning spit, roasted turkey, duck, and chicken, racks of lamb, grilled venison tenderloin, baked potatoes, carrots and turnips and onions...Mead and milk and heavy lagers...For dessert, prostitutes...

03: Philip K Dick, Brian Eno, Winona Ryder...PKD is perhaps my favorite writer, if I had to choose one...Eno is one of my favorite producers and the name of one of my cats, and I believe he would have some interesting things to discuss with PKD, able to bridge that gap into the esoteric and metaphysical sci-fi...And Ms. Ryder? I think we all ought to be surprised she isn't on the #1 guest list...For the meal, I'd set about 50 kinds of cereal on the counter in my kitchen, and gallons of ice cold whole milk on the table...

02: Frank Zappa, Groucho Marx, Salvadore Dali...Three smart and funny men in the vanguard of their respective fields, all sporting distinctive facial hair configurations...Strange, dry, trim and sarcastic...For the meal, I'd serve fried leftover spaghetti, baked garlic bread soaked in butter, bottle after bottle of robust red wine, and amaretto cheesecake and espresso for dessert...

01: Ben Franklin, Mark Twain, Bob Dylan...What can I say, when I think of America, I think of these three men probably more than any others...Ben Franklin, the witty and ribald statesman, inventor and storyteller of the 18th century, Mark Twain the wittier and more sardonic storyteller and world traveller of the 19th century, and Bob Dylan, folk poet and singer of American myths in the 20th century...Man, I gotta believe this dinner would be wild and drunk and loud...And between Twain and Franklin and me, I bet we could get Dylan to smoke a pipe...For the meal, I'd serve roasted Cornish game hens with wild rice stuffing, steamed asparagus, sweet iced tea, and bread pudding for dessert...

Hotcha! Hank

My Election Story

I went to my polling place at about 10am, figuring the mid-morning or mid-afternoon would be the best time to find a short and efficient line (Give me convenience or give me death!), and I was right. There actually wasn't a line at all, and I was in and out of there in less than five minutes.

In fact, there were about five times as many volunteers as there were actual voters at the time, and one of those volunteers was an older white man of about 75 years of age who was manning the machine in which voters fed their ballot after filling it out, and handing out the "I Voted" stickers...

(trust me, this is going somewhere)

So, after I had filled out my ballot, I approached this man and the ballot machine, and in front of me there was a young black woman of about 20 years old who had apparently made a mistake on her ballot because the machine rejected it. She had to tear up her ballot in the presence of a volunteer, and then fill out another ballot, and so she walked away, back to a booth to do it again.

She couldn't have been more than fifteen feet away when this old man, out of the blue, says directly to me, "Fucking jigaboos."

I stood there dumbfounded for a second or two, staring incredulously at this man, who continued talking.

"There are so many blacks voting today, and apparently alot of them never voted before because alot of them are filling out their ballots wrong. What's this world coming to?"

This apparently wasn't a rhetorical question, because he looked at me as if he expected an answer from me, or more likely, some agreement.

But I just stood there, staring at him. I truly didn't know what to say, and could finally only suggest, after a few seconds, that he "ought consider what he's saying, and who he's saying it to". I shook my head, fed my ballot into the machine, and left the polling place with a slightly sour and bittersweet feeling, which had stuck with me until earlier tonight.

This is the 7th presidential election I've voted in, and aside from my very first vote in 1984, the most exciting and satisfying presidential vote I've ever cast, and here was this old racist fuck who had tainted the experience for me, and who knows how many others...

But tonight, that sour and bittersweet feeling has given way to something approaching hope, the kind that Barack Obama has promised America with his words and his demeanor throughout the campaign.

Take a look at that picture up above, which I think encapsulates how I've come to feel about this election in general, and my unfortunate encounter with that racist old man.

Racism surely won't disappear in America with the election of our first African-American president, but I do know that the old America that the old racist fuck knows and understands is now sliding into history, and while it's still going to be awhile before we put our country's troubling history completely behind us, I think it's safe to say that we're all, right now, bearing witness to some deep and fundamental changes in our society.

America no longer "belongs" to old racist fucks like that guy. His beliefs and worldview are now truly becoming a thing of the past, an archaic reminder of untenable ideas.

America now belongs, not just to those two kids in that picture, but to all of us, moving forward towards a more perfect union, unconstrained by worn-out ideologies of blind hate and ignorance.

Like I said, we've still got a long way to go, but we're definitely moving in the right direction, and last night's election of Barack Obama is a huge step. That's the world "we're coming to", and it's a newer, better world for sure.

Now, how about we secure civil rights for homosexuals? That would be another huge step towards that more perfect union.

WTF, California?

Hotcha! Hank

The Two Party System Can Be As Sad As One...

In a different year, I might have voted for Ron Paul. If I had to describe my own politics, I'd say that I fall somewhere in that nether region between Libertarianism and traditional Liberalism, a place where extreme conservatism (small or no government) swings back around to meet the extreme liberalism. It's a tough place to be because while I believe that government should stay the fuck outta the way of progress and personal liberties (we ought to legalize drugs, prostitution, etc), I also believe that we have a moral obligation to take care of those who cannot take care of themselves, and for better or worse, government programs and money are the quickest and easiest way to make sure that the less fortunate are provided for. So you see, it's a schizophrenic political philosophy that I've cobbled together for myself over the years.

Typically, I do not vote for major party candidates. Beyond my Libertarian streak, I believe the two party system is mostly a sham, and that both sides of the aisle are beholden to the true wielders of power in Washington - corporations and their lobbyists. I have voted for third party candidates with the idea, as silly as it sounds, that if enough people did likewise, we may someday be able to expand American politics beyond the two-headed beast we must suffer with today. I thought for awhile that the 1992 election might be a watershed moment in this regard, when Ross Perot garnered almost 19% of the popular vote (yes, I voted for Perot), but by the next election in 1996, Perot was only able to garner about 8% of the popular vote, and here we are today, back to the old comforts of the two party system.

So, anyways, I was struck by this picture of Ron Paul, and the loneliness and futility of the third party candidate. Ron Paul has plenty of crazy ideas (he is a Libertarian, after all), but he's been a vocal opponent of the war in Iraq since day one, and for that alone, I commend him. Like I said, in a different year, I most likely would have voted for him, but in this year's election, my biggest concern was that John McCain not become our next president (to say nothing of Barack Obama's impressiveness as a man and candidate) and so I cast my ballot for Obama. Let us all hope that Obama can run our country as impressively and successfully as he ran his campaign.

Hotcha! Hank