Things I Liked Last Week 061310

01: Ice Cube w/ The Roots: "Straight Outta Compton": Ice Cube appeared on Jimmy Fallon's show last week, and did the old NWA chestnut, "Straight Outta Compton" with The Roots. And it was goooooood.



02: Owen Pallett: "Game Of Pricks": The Onion's A.V. Club has been doing an ongoing feature called Undercover, in which contemporary bands do cover versions of older, more classic songs. In this week's installment, Owen Pallett (aka Final Fantasy) covers "Game Of Pricks" by Guided By Voices. It's a great rendition (love his voice) that really showcases Robert Pollard's knack for writing awesome melodies.

03: The Cat On The Silver Mountain: Not much needs to be said here - cats are fucking awesome, and this one's climbing a mountain.

04: Dunder-Mifflin floorplan: While The Office isn't quite as good as it used to be, it's still a quality show that delivers plenty of laughs. That doesn't matter though, because this is merely the floorplan for the Dunder-Mifflin office. I love floorplans. I wanted to be an architect when I was a teenager, but my math skills weren't good enough to get me into the program at UW-Milwaukee. Such is life.

05: Keebler Townhouse Flipsides: It's a pretzel shaped like a cracker! It's a cracker that looks and tastes like a pretzel! Will wonders ever cease? I've been putting cheddar cheese spread and sliced Manzanilla olives on 'em, and that's another wonder.

06: Jim's Pancakes: This is a website all about a guy named Jim who makes insanely awesome and inspiring pancakes for his daughter. Must be seen to be believed.

07: Hell's Kitchen [FOX, Tuesdays 8/7c]: I loathe reality shows. Just fucking hate 'em. Hell's Kitchen is the one exception. I believe I like this show because I've had several cooking jobs in my life, and I understand the dynamic of a working kitchen, and how the job is much, much harder and demanding than it might first appear. There's the heat, naturally, combined with the pace of a busy restaurant, that makes the job a bitch. Even with an able staff, there's always alot of different things going on at once, making one's timing perhaps as crucial as one's cooking skills. It's a very delicate balance that can get shot to hell in a heartbeat, and once that balance is gone, it's sooo hard to regain. One of the elements I like best about Hell's Kitchen is how the contestants brag about how great and skilled they are, which is ALWAYS followed by a segment showing them fucking things up royally, betraying their own egos and exposing their questionable skills. Seriously, I oftentimes think the producers pick some of these contestants just to humiliate them. Risotto and scallops are two mainstay dishes on the show, both being excellent barometers of the contestants skills, and almost every contestant who has appeared on Hell's Kitchen over it's seven seasons has fucked up both dishes. And then Chef Ramsay goes ballistic. I find this hilarious. People who have never worked in a kitchen think Chef Ramsay is an asshole. That's debatable, of course, but I can say that his demeanor is commonplace in the restaurant industry. Most chefs I've known and worked with over the years ARE assholes. I can't say that being a prick is a job requirement, but it is a high-stress job that tends to bring out the worst in people, and I just love when Chef Ramsay calls somebody a "useless donkey" or worse. Maybe it's nostalgia. Anyways, I consider myself a pretty good cook, but I don't think I'd fare very well on this show, so as moronic as I think most of the contestants are, I don't know if I could do any better under the circumstances.

Hotcha! Hank

Things I Liked Last Week 050910

01: Kanellos The Greek Protest Dog: The Greeks aren't afraid to protest, and even riot a bit, when their government fucks them over. As an armchair anarchist, it makes me sad that the American people have been, by and large, taken advantage of by our government and big business time and time again, but we're too fat and complacent to do much more than bitch about it with friends and coworkers. Nobody is taking it to the streets except the Tea Partiers, and I'm fairly convinced their entire movement is built on a solid foundation of racism, because the tax rates under our current black president is pretty much in line (and in many cases lower) with the tax rates under every other president over the past 50 years. In other words, where were these white, middle class people during the Bush, Clinton, Reagan, Carter and Nixon years? The top marginal tax rate during the Reagan years (their beloved political hero) hovered around 50%, while it sits at 38% under Obama? But now I'm getting wildly off-topic. Follow the link, and see 14 pictures of Kanellos, perhaps a more "involved" citizen than most of us.



02: Community: "Modern Warfare": S1-EP23: As the season has progressed, Community has grown into its own, and has grown on me. At first, I thought it was a fairly good comedy - good enough to kick off NBC's Thursday night comedy block, but not as strong as the three shows which follow. Well, sad to say, The Office has been quite underwhelming this year, and may be ready to head out to pasture, while 30 Rock is still great, but not as insane as it was last season. Parks & Recreation is currently the strongest of the four comedies, but I believe this "Modern Warfare" episode of Community is a welcome indication of just how good this show can be. Every week we can count on the writers to sneak a number of sly movie references into the show (via the character of Abed), but this particular episode is simply remarkable in that respect. Plus, it's just plain funny.

03: Screamo Kitty: I believe this picture speaks for itself.

04: Sherlock Holmes: I didn't love this movie, if only because I'm rather protective of the character and stories of the creator, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, and this adaptation is not only a non-canonical story, but the illustrious detective, as played by Robert Downey Jr., is painted with rather broad strokes. As I mentioned two weeks ago, I'm partial to Jeremy Brett's portrayal in the Granada TV series of the 1980's, which showed Holmes in all his bitchy, egotistical glory, to say nothing of the homosexual undercurrent running throughout, which I believe to be one of the more important aspects of the original character. Is he gay, or merely asexual? Doyle leaves us guessing. Here, with the introduction of Irene Adler, as played by Rachel McAdams, there is no mystery, and that's a shame. Having said all this, I'm still a sucker for the characters of Holmes and Watson, a sucker for London circa 1890ish, and dammit if Guy Ritchie doesn't know how to make superb action films. This movie might not have been what I wanted, but it is damn entertaining nonetheless.

05: EVERYTHINGATHON! v101: Hats off to Dan Dierdorf, who tells a horrifying story of his trip to Burning Man several years ago, mixing a bunch of great heavy metal into the podcast for good measure. Check it out for the rest of this month.

06: Super Kohinoor Indian Food: I love Indian food, and thankfully there are a couple of very good Indian restaurants in Madison. However, I do not eat in restaurants very often because it's hard to justify the cost, and while I'm a pretty good cook, Indian cuisine is one of the more difficult to do well, I believe - I'm certainly not very adept. That's where the Super Kohinoor brand comes in. You might laugh when I tell you that this particular line of products (among many other Indian foods made by Kohinoor) is nothing more complicated than boil bags - boil the bag for 5 minutes, and then simply pour over rice. So simple, even a caveman (such as myself) can do it, but considering the nature of this product, it more than satisfies my Indian food cravings when they arise (I always keep a few of these Kohinoor products in my pantry). They make about 8 different "dishes" in this line, but I'd have to say Awahdi Aloo Mutter is my favorite of the bunch, which is really nothing more than peas and potatos in a vibrant curry. Available in most supermarkets, I'm sure.

Hotcha! Hank

HANK RANKS No. 18

My 9 Predictions About The Upcoming Spin-Off From The Office

I'm 99% certain that rumors are true that NBC will be spinning off a new sitcom from The Office sometime during this upcoming TV season...Here then are my 9 predictions of exactly what that spin-off should, could, and might be...

But before I do that, let me just suggest this - what if NBC were to spin-off any number of these shows at the same time? Imagine an entire night of nothing but sitcoms centered in or around Scranton, PA, all of them tangents of that core, The Office? It would be completely unprecedented in television, and I think it would be utterly brilliant...Your opinion may vary...

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09: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration: Talk about a tangential spin-off, consider a sitcom centered around Bob Vance and his refrigeration business...Instead of an office, this would be more of a warehouse setting, which leads directly to the next prediction on this list, which is 100% more likely in reality...

08: The Warehouse: Well, this is a pretty obvious idea, since we're already quite familiar with many of the characters in the Dundler-Mifflin warehouse, and in fact, Darryl, the warehouse supervisor really came into his own last season, and has certainly become as beloved as any of the actual office workers on The Office...

07: Darryl & The Seamonster: This is really just an alternate to The Warehouse, wherein we follow the exploits of Darryl and "The Seamonster", who are roommates when not working together at the warehouse. Fans of The Office will know that "The Seamonster" is the nickname given to the big black warehouse worker by Kelly Kapour in the "Safety Day" episode...

06: Miss Beesly: It appears that Pam will be spending the beginning of season five of The Office at the Pratt School of Design in NYC, and I'm guessing that this situation might put some strain on her relationship with Jim. My prediction is, of course, that she will meet another guy at school who is every bit as great as Jim, and there will be much temptation, and perhaps even a mistaken kiss or more...Now, what if we take all of this to it's logical extreme and this causes Pam and Jim to split up? Then Pam graduates design school and begins her new life at a new job as a graphic designer in NYC...Miss Beesly would follow Pam in this new life, in a new city, without Jim...I realize that if any of this actually happened, hardcore fans of The Office would absolutely puke and cry and become enraged over such developments, and yet, it's a story arc that I think would be very interesting to see, and if anyone on The Office has spin-off potential, it's probably Jenna Fischer...

05: Whatever Happened To Toby Flenderson? : Fans know that Toby quit Dunder-Mifflin at the end of season four to move to Costa Rica and presumably become a wildlife photographer...Well, that's exactly what this show would be about...Of course, Toby tends to have pretty bad luck in life, and so he will meet with many hilarious trials and tribulations while living in a tropical paradise...

04: Serenity: Fans of The Office know that during season four Jan started up her own candlemaking business out of her and Michael Scott's condo, and it was called Serenity By Jan...Well, on this show, we follow the life of Jan Levinson as she attempts to get this business off the ground, all the while trying hard to be a single mother. In the process, we'll witness her heavy wine drinking, her attempts at dating (perhaps an ongoing situation with her former assistant, Hunter), and from time to time, Michael Scott will attempt to become a part of her life again, so there's the easy crossover appeal...

03: Prison Bitch: This spin-off will naturally follow wunderkind Ryan Howard, who was busted for securities fraud at the end of season four, as he attempts to survive prison. This may not be easy, because as Michael Scott himelf explained, as a good-looking young man, Ryan would be "da belle of da ball" if he ever landed in prison...Of course, it would make more sense if Ryan went to one of those cushy prisons since he committed a white-collar crime...If that were the case, imagine that cushy prison setting, but the tone is much like The Office, wherein Ryan is once again the new guy, and he's mentored by an older prisoner who is every bit as stupid as his old boss, Michael Scott...

02: ...Meanwhile, Mose...: Mose is Dwight Schrute's cousin, and the two of them share an inherited beet farm in rural Lackawanna County...This show will follow Mose during the day, when Dwight is away from the farm at the office...Each episode, however, will be bookended by scenes including Dwight as he leaves for work in the morning and returns from work in the evening...Brilliant, if I may say so myself...

01: Creed Thoughts: A blog already exists at NBC.com entitled Creed Thoughts, so this spin-off of The Office makes a ton of synergistic sense...Creed Bratton is definitely one of my favorite characters on the show, and I believe that's true for alot of fans...This guy is certifiably insane, more than a little criminal, and funnier than fuck...Now, imagine that Creed is offered a job as a blogger by some bigtime blogging network, like Gawker Media, and we get to follow his life as a criminally insane 60 year old among the young and hip 20-somethings of New York City...Guaranteed hilarity...

NBC - where you at?

Hotcha! Hank

4/4 Thee Fractioneer

We all know a Phyllis or two, don't we?

This particular Phyllis, Phyllis Smith, was a cheerleader for the St. Louis Cardinals in her younger days. She's also a trained, professional Jazz and Ballet dancer, who still does Vaudeville burlesque dancing from time to time, and of course, skit comedy acting...

She plays Phyllis Lapin on The Office, a mild-mannered Sales Rep who's saucy side bubbles to the surface from time to time. She may sit there quietly knitting, but that glimmer in her eyes, and that sly smile reveal some wilder manners.

No more needs to be said, really, except that my new Laminated List for this year is coming soon...

Hotcha! Hank

2006 Laminated List # 5

Jenna Fischer

Hotcha! Hank