Something 4 The Weekend # 218

Laurie Anderson: Homeland: "Another Day In America" [mp3]

We all know what this Sunday is all about, right?

I'm not a fan of nationalism, so my thoughts and feelings about the events of 9-11-01, and our rememberance of the day on this 10th anniversary, are not very deep or involved. Which means this Sunday I'll be drinking Kentucky bourbon, smoking SW Sconnie weed, watching football, monitoring my fantasy teams, and perhaps doing things like absent-mindedly drawing comic strip stuff, or finally getting around to reading Portnoy's Complaint. At some point I'll probably order a 16" Pestoral from Roman Candle Pizza, and if my fantasy teams do well, and if I actually start reading Portnoy's Complaint, I might masturbate sometime in the evening.

My biggest hope for Sunday is that I hear bits of Lee Greenwood's "Proud To Be An American" no more than three times that day. My plan is to mute the TV and crank Fucked Up, or some such loud and rollicking music combo of that sort.

So yeah, this is another solipsistic blog entry, making a national tragedy all about me...

But what would you have me write? That I'm not a fan of nationalism? That I believe our current financial problems can be partially tied to the events of 9-11? That I'm not a 9-11 truther but I still don't understand how the damage at the Pentagon was done by a passenger jet airliner and not a missile? That we retaliated in the wrong country for reasons other than retaliation?

You don't want or need my opinions about nationalism, fundamentalism, war, death, the Bush Administration, the Obama Administration, or the politics of oil. Of course, you didn't want or need to know I'm probably going to pleasure myself Sunday evening, but here we are.

Information is not knowledge, babycakes.

I suppose the blog post I should have written here and now would have posited the thought that when I think about New York City, I think of maybe eight people - Woody Allen, Lou Reed, Laurie Anderson, Gregory Corso, and the Talking Heads.

And then I could have gone on to write about how Anderson's song "O Superman" appeared to be a bit prescient in light of the events of 9-11, and somehow brought it around to this particular song you're hopefully listening to right now.

But I didn't do that, did I?

See, I've been hesitant to read Portnoy's Complaint because I think I'm too old to really truly enjoy it. It's like The Basketball Diaries, or Catcher In The Rye, which were scriptures to me when I was 17, but not so much with subsequent readings. From what I know of Roth's book, I fear the same might be true - that it's a book I probably should have read when I was 28. I guess I'll find out.

Hotcha! Hank

SUPER DOOM UNIT: 2007 Season Recap

While reporting extensively about our beloved WINONA ROUGH RYDERS all season, I have obviously neglected my 2nd fantasy football team, the SUPER DOOM UNIT, and for very good reason - they sucked pretty damn hard, as you can see by the COLECO LEAGUE final standings...

The SUPER DOOM UNIT finished in 11th place, tied for the worst record in the league, while amassing the second lowest team score for the season.

There are two major reasons why my team did so poorly in this league, this year.

First of all - The COLECO LEAGUE is a much more difficult league than the APFL, where I typically do very well. The COLECO LEAGUE is 12 teams, rather than just 10, and 11 of those 12 team managers were active and involved with their teams all season, whereas about half of the managers in the APFL pay any sort of attention after draft day. This makes the free agency and waiver pools much more difficult to fish from during the season - you gotta be quick, and almost psychic, to land the really precious unknowns, like Ryan Grant...With more involved managers, you also never run across teams with empty slots in their lineups, or half their players on BYES or out for the season on IR, yet still in their lineup...

The second reason the SUPER DOOM UNIT did so horribly this year is because of injuries and bad timing regarding my top three draft picks...

Drew Brees was my 3rd round pick at QB, and most people expected him to have another monster year, yardage-wise, but his first three games were absolute disasters...Which ended up negating the slightly above average performances of my 1st and 2nd round picks, Rudi Johnson and Marvin Harrison gave me in those early weeks...

Then Rudi Johnson went down with a hamstring injury in Week Three and Marvin Harrison went down with a knee injury early in Week Four, and Rudi's out for the next 6 weeks, and Marvin never comes back, and what's a poor boy to do?

I did have the Purple Jesus, Adrian Peterson, and he was pretty much the only bright spot in my lineup all season, with Drew Brees eventually becoming a dimmer light, and my kicker, Jason Hanson, actually winning a game for me...That's how brutal this season was...Here's a typical matchup which kinda shows the ragtag lineup I had to hobble together out of fading stars and B-listers...Naturally, this matchup highlights one of the two weeks PURPLE JESUS missed with a knee injury, while my opponent had Chester Taylor in his lineup since draft day, even though Taylor mostly sat on the bench up to this particular weekend...

Kenny Watson gave me two or three good weeks in place of Rudi Johnson, but certainly not enough to help me win...In general, I can't believe Rudi will be a #1 RB next year if he stays in Cincinnati...

Patrick Crayton wasn't the answer...The Green Bay Packers' rookie WR James Jones wasn't the answer either...Warrick Dunn is definitely already in his twilight years...Brandon Stokley didn't ramp up his game as much as he should have when Javon Walker went down to injury, so he wasn't an answer either...I had my man-crush Julius Jones on this team as well, but as long as he's in Dallas, he's not the answer either...

Anyways, that's about it...A wretched season that could have been much better if I had Rudi and Marvin healthy, but then again, who knows...The team and season might have been doomed from the start, when Yahoo! didn't allow the original name THEE 100% SUPER DOOM UNIT, because it had too many characters...

Hotcha! Hank

Super Doom Unit Draft

Last night, my second fantasy football team, The Super Doom Unit, held their live draft over there at Yahoo! I had the fifth pick, and overall, my draft was fairly lame, I think, starting with my first round selection, Rudi Johnson, RB for the Cincinnati Bengals...I mean, I could have taken Willie Parker, my second favorite running back in the NFL for my second favorite NFL team, the Pittsburgh Steelers...WHY? Why did I take Rudi Johnson?

Anyways, like I said in a previous Super Doom Unit post, I probably wouldn't comment much about this team because the Winona Rough Ryders are my main fantasy football team, so here's a quick rundown of my Coleco League draft, perhaps the most substantial post about The Super Doom Unit this season...

01: Rudi Johnson: RB: Cincinnati Bengals

Rudi's a power back, so we've got the DOOM thing happening, but WHY? Why didn't I take Willie Parker?

02: Marvin Harrison: WR: Indianapolis Colts

Wide Receivers are just as potent as running backs in the Coleco League, and at this point, Marvin Harrison was the best player available...Marvin, along with Donovan McNabb, were the two bad boys on my championship Rough Ryders team in 2004, so it's good to have him back on one of my teams this year...

03: Drew Brees: QB: New Orleans Saints

Brees should throw for a ton of yards and plenty of touchdowns this year, as the Saints must be considered one of the frontrunners for the NFC crown...Again, the best player available when I made this pick...

04: Calvin Johnson: WR: Detroit Lions

Plenty of so-called experts consider Calvin Johnson the most promising rookie in the NFL this season, which is why I picked him in both of my fantasy drafts...Plus, I don't think his counterpoint in Detroit, Roy Williams, is as good as everyone thinks...He dropped a shitload of passes two years ago when he was on the Rough Ryders...

05: Adrian Peterson: RB: Minnesota Vikings

This is a potentially disastrous pick...It's also a potential blockbuster...Peterson is a big, impressive rookie back who will likely be sharing carries with Chester Taylor up der in Minnesota, hey...However, Peterson just might turn into an undeniable monster who ends up owning the Viking backfield...Chester Taylor's good, but he ain't a monster...I should note that a couple of guys in the live draft chatroom laughed at this pick...I laughed along...

06: Vernon Davis: TE: San Francisco 49ers

This just seemed like a good time to grab my tight end.

07: Isaac Bruce: WR: St. Louis Rams

Another questionable pick. Isaac Bruce is ancient, and he doesn't score many touchdowns anymore...I guess I picked him based on his career, and the fact that he's presumably still the #2 receiver in St. Louis' rather potent offense. Even though Bruce was my third WR picked, he will probably sit on my bench, at least at the beginning of the season...

08: Dallas Cowboys: DEF

The Cowboys' new head coach, Wade Phillips, is considered a defensive specialist, and they've got a good, strong defensive unit down there in Dallas, so why not? I wanted the young, potentially impressive Green Bay defense, but they got snagged three picks ahead of me...

09: Julius Jones: RB: Dallas Cowboys

Didn't I mention in my Rough Ryders draft post that I have a man-crush on Julius Jones? You bet I did, babycakes, and so here we are, with Mr. Jones on yet another of my fantasy teams...Indeed, this is the fifth fantasy team of mine he's played for over the past four years...Unfortunately, he loses TDs to Marion Barber...Still, Julius will likely start for me, until Peterson takes over in Minnesota...

10: Devery Henderson: WR: New Orleans Saints

So, I've got Drew Brees as my starting QB, and when I saw the Saints' #2 WR, Devery Henderson, still available, it seemed like a wise and lucky choice...Henderson is a bit unpredictable, and lately his knee's been bothering him, so who knows how this will work...Right now I've got him starting as my #3 WR ahead of Isaac Bruce...That may change...

11: JP Losman: QB: Buffalo Bills

Buffalo has improved their O-line this year, which means Losman should have more time to hook up with Lee Evans for plenty of long, long TDs..."So, c'mon former Wisconsin Badger, Evans, it's time to elevate yr game to the A-level"...Nonetheless, Losman sits on my bench unless Brees goes down...

12: Warrick Dunn: RB: Atlanta Falcons

Warrick Dunn is getting old, and had back surgery during the offseason. Plus, he's sharing carries and might end up playing backup to Jerious Norwood. A silly, stupid pick, in all likelihood...

13: Matt Jones: WR: Jacksonville Jaguars

Traditionally, I take my kicker in the 13th round, but this time I didn't. Matt Jones is presumably the #2 WR in Jacksonville, though he sat on my bench all last year, and will likely do the same again this year...Why did I pick this guy? He'll likely get hurt. He gets hurt every year.

Ride the Doom Unit pines, Matt Jones...Ride the Doom Unit pines...

14: Olindo Mare: K: New Orleans Saints

Another Saint...Mare came from Miami, and now he gets to kick inside a dome for at least half the season, so he should do better than he did in his Dolphin days...Whatever...

15: James Jones: WR: Green Bay Packers

My last round pick had to be a Packer because I always have a Packer on every fantasy football team...Jones is a rookie, and currently the #3 WR in Green Bay, but he's big, and has great hands, and showed very good chemistry with Brett Favre this pre-season...He could quickly become the #2 in GB, ahead of Greg Jennings, and if Donald Driver gets injured, which is a 50/50 bet, Jones suddenly becomes Favre's #1 target...And that would be a great big HOTCHA!

Hotcha! Hank

The (100%) Super Doom Unit

So, recently I joined my second fantasy football league of the year...It's the Coleco League, and one of my co-workers, General To-Do, is the commissioner...

12 teams, draft next Wednesday...

The name of this team is The Super Doom Unit. Originally, when the league was still hosted at AOL, the name of this team was The 100% Super Doom Unit, but now the league is at Yahoo, and they don't allow enough characters in the Team Name Field, and I figured dropping the 100% was better than calling the team The 100% Super Doo...

Although 00% Super Doom Unit isn't that bad...

Anyways, It's a stripped-down roster - no DBs or DLs, and no "wildcard" WR/RB position...And because it's not my main team, The Winona Rough Ryders, I won't be taking it quite as seriously, and probably won't be blogging about The Super Doom Unit quite as much here at HOT POOP...Maybe just giving the score and standings each week, no commentary...

Unless they're winning, and the Rough Ryders aren't...

Oh, and I may be joining a third fantasy football league tomorrow...It's over at ESPN, which is a crappy fantasy host, but WTF? Why not?

Hotcha! Hank