Celebrity Blog Rip-Off Maneuver # 1

This just in...

Washed up actress and active press junkie, Tara Reid, beached herself this afternoon on the island of Crete.

As these photographs attest, a mysterious and handsome Greek fisherman (name unknown) attempted to get Ms. Reid safely back out to sea, but this proved a difficult and dangerous endeavor, and ultimately the dark and salty man failed.

Currently Tara is sitting poolside, where she is being adequately Mojito'd while the swarthy Greek angler tries to figure out what to do with her. Nicole Ritchie has been quoted as saying that he will "keep her drinking until she passes out", at which time he'll secretly load her into the hull of a Carnival Cruise ship and let them deal with it.

Updates as warranted.

Disclaimer: While I'm certainly willing to call Tara Reid "thick", I do not actually believe her to be a whale or any other large, blubbery mammal. Any and all implications to this effect are strictly for journalistic reasons, and do not reflect my personal opinion of Ms. Reid. Besides, you know you'd tap that ass like the kind of dude who posts at Dlisted.com ... I know I'd tap that like sloppy innuendos.

Hotcha! Hank