24 February 2007

A Band By Any Other Name Still Smells Like Styling Mousse

As promised, a list of lame and crappy band names, found within the very pages of the newest issue of Alternative Press magazine.

Those of you who know me, or are familiar with my website, The ButterScotch Threshold, are hip to NAME THAT BAND, which consists of two very small notebooks filled with several hundred (I've never actually counted 'em) band names that friends, acquaintances and myself have dreamed up over the years. I started the first volume in 1984, in the freshman dorms at UW-Madison, and yeah, the vast majority of these names are stupid and silly beyond belief, and quite unsuitable for actual. A fair number of 'em are sexually sophomoric. Some refer to the rectal area, and the behaviors and functions of such. Plenty are inside jokes. A second volume was started in 1993, and those names are more absurd than stupid. Most of 'em are still quite unusable. Now they're all online if ya click the link above...

I tell you this so that you understand that I compiled this particular list today because these names suck as bad as any in my two tiny volumes, but these are worse because the bands actually are using 'em, and most are trying to become rockstars, to say nothing of respected artistes within their own scenes and genres.

Without further ado...

Oh wait, I'd just like to say that most of these sound more like song and album titles than actual band names...I don't know when this trend started, but you'll see how right I am...

Without further ado...

Haste The Day
From Autumn To Ashes
Cute Is What We Aim For
On Broken Wings
The Burning Season
Echo Screen
Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Fear Before The March Of Flames
Widows & Orphans
The Devil Wears Prada [ed. note - currently the dumbest name in Rock]
Armor For Sleep
A Voice Like Rhetoric
After Midnight Project
Therefore I Am
Poison The Well
Opiate For The Masses
Taking Back Sunday
As Tall As Lions
This Moment In Black History
Madina Lake
Midnight Movies
The Photo Atlas
Circa Survive
Big D & The Kids Table
The Dear Hunter
Have Heart
My Latest Novel

(remember, kids, these are actual band names)

Behold...The Arctopus
The Transit War
Envy On The Coast
Job For A Cowboy [ed. note - currently the dumbest name in rock]
Bomb The Music Industry!
Between The Trees
Every Move A Picture
School For Heroes
Hot Like (A) Robot
Classic Case
The Spill Canvas
Anchors For Arms
Look Mexico
You Say Party! We Say Die!
Daphne Loves Derby
The Handshake Murders
Life In Your Way
Night Kills The Day
Call Me Lightning
Black Tie Dynasty
The Early November
Krum Bums
Alternate Routes
Massacre Of The Umbilical Cord [ed. note - I give up...This might be the dumbest band name in the history of Rock.]


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