ROUGH RYDERS: Week Ten

You wanna know why FANTASY FOOTBALL is called FANTASY Football?

In Detroit's game against Arizona, RB Kevin Jones rushed for -4 yards...Negative yardage...He also caught 8 passes for a paltry 36 yards, and he managed at least one rush of positive yards, cuz he scored a rushing touchdown as well...My point is, in a PPR (point-per-reception) league, the fantasy points can add up quickly, and while Kevin Jones was a bust on the actual gridiron this weekend, in the AcidPlanet Fantasy League, his 17.2 FP is respectable. His touchdown aside, Kevin Jones contributed little to the Lions' offense, and his lack of productivity is partially responsible for the Lions' loss.

Anyways, I don't even know if I wanna break down this week's matchup...Romo good, Gonzo bad...Ocho Cinco disappointing, Bears' defense stoic...Blah blah blah...

Quote of the week is courtesy of Randy Cross, who was the color commentator for the Bengals-Ravens game this Sunday...After Chad Johnson made an acrobatic catch along the sidelines, "Nice toes...Mmmmm...". Of course, since then I can't get the image of Randy Cross shrimping Chad Johnson outta my head, and thus, I don't really feel like recapping our beloved Rough Ryders supreme victory over The Hairy Nipples in Week Ten...

Speaking of that fucking Bengals-Ravens game...

My second (of three) fantasy football team, The Super Doom Unit, lost this weekend by .80 FP, and the reason? Shayne Graham's 7 fucking field goals...Of course, if my first round draft pick on that team, Rudi Johnson, was actually healthy and still a good running back, I probably would have won by 10 points...Of course, if my second round pick on that team, Marvin Harrison, hasn't missed the past month with a knee injury, I probably would have won by 25 points...Of course, if my #2 RB, The Purple Jesus, hadn't gone down with a knee injury halfway through the Vikings-Packers game, I probably would have won by 40 points...

Shayne Fucking Graham...But that's the Super Doom Unit, and they're 3-7 and wallowing in last place in the Coleco League, so who fucking cares...

The beloved Winona Rough Ryders, on the other hand, are 8-2, and sitting comfortably in 3rd place in the AcidPlanet Fantasy League...Next week we face the formidable Just Another Team, who is currently sitting even more comfortably in first place. While it will be pleasurable to annihilate JAT for the second time this season, even when we do, the Rough Ryders will still be in third place....Such are the cruel ways of fantasy football...Just Another Team will be without the Purple Jesus this weekend, which certainly helps me...

Anyways, here's a fun fact - Tony Romo is currently the fantasy point leader on the beloved Rough Ryders, and he was my 12th round pick...Have I mentioned lately that I'm a genius approximately half of the time?

Next weekend when Marshawn Lynch lights it up for 30 fantasy points against New England, but he's riding my bench, that will represent the other half...

Finally, for the second week in a row, and for the third time this season, the Rough Ryders were the highest scoring team in the APFL...(Sponsored by Viagra!)


The beloved Winona Rough Ryders are 8-2, and clinched a playoff spot with this weekend's victory...In all likelihood, we'll hafta be the VIAGRA High Score Of The Week in Week Eleven, if we are to beat Just Another Team, but no worries, cuz I've already got my Coffee Mug Mojo™ workin', and that means there will be blood in the dust, and on the cleats of the fourteen Rough Ryders, as they ride rough all over one more team on their way to the top...

That crown is heavy, Fractioneer...What you got?

Hotcha! Hank