Wishing Sideways Well Maneuver

One time I threw a silver dollar in a fountain somewhere in Minneapolis and wished to someday marry my girlfriend at that time. It was 1985. I was nineteen/stupid/high. Three months later she broke up with me and moved to South Dakota with her best friend. She's on Facebook, but that's as much as I care. I'd never socialize with her on this or any other network.

Another time I threw about 63¢ in a wishing well in Reno and got food poisoning from the Circus Circus buffet later that day. I had wished for "at least enough money to fix the broken CV joint on the stationwagon". Instead I lost a couple hundred bucks at the tables before fixing the wagon outta pocket and hitting the open roads...Interestingly enough, that wish actually came mostly true about a week later, when I won $400 at a craps table in Las Vegas.

And then there was the wish I made while blowing out the candles on my 16th birthday cake, some chocolate affair baked up by my high school sweetheart, who would break up with me about a year later. My wish that day had nothing to do with her, however. That particular wish was a fairly existential wish, and so far, after nearly 30 years, I would have to say it has come true and remained true. To tell you that wish now, and here, would certainly be flirting with disaster.

Anyways, I've never really liked "the beach". I looooove "the coastline" from a viewable distance, like driving up and down the Pacific Coast Highway, but I don't like sunbathing and the first time I ever swam in the ocean, summer of '75, I got stung by a jellyfish. Plus, that girlfriend I wished to marry? The first time we had sex was on a moonlit Flagler Beach, FLA...

Nah, don't care for beaches, and besides, I loathe men in sandals and/or flip/flops, unless they're Korean.

Hotcha! Hank

Something 4 The Weekend # 168

Love Is All: Two Thousand And Ten Injuries: "Less Than Thrilled" [mp3]

Insomnia, blah blah blather...

As I write this, I am finishing off my second Polish Martini of the night and contemplating a third...Ahh, the Polish Martini, such a sweet, stinging refreshment on a warm spring night...

In a mixing glass filled with ice, combine 3 oz VODKA (preferably ZUBROWKA), 3 oz KRUPNIK HONEY VODKA, and 3 oz APPLE JUICE and stir. Pour into a cocktail glass and finish with a lemon twist.

Drink with a refined abandon. Pass out in the easy chair, Love Is All rearranging the air.

Hotcha! Hank

HANK RANKS No. 20

My 8 Favorite Songs Of 2008

Like alot of you, I hear plenty of music in any given year, so compiling a list like this is far from definitive...Basically, when I thought of putting this list together, I went with the first eight songs that popped into my noodle, and then made a couple of adjustments upon reflection...And since I'm an ALBUM guy, most of these great songs happen to come off great albums...Enjoy, and get it on!
HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP

08: Fucked Up: "Crooked Head" [mp3] Why not start off this lump of tunes with a drum intro? Classic. Then bring in the chiming guitars and feedback like it's 1985. Sweet. And here comes the bassist, doing his fat-bottomed thing. Wicked. Now let's let Pink Eye bellow on the mic like he's got more than one axe to grind. Fuck yeah. And if this shit ain't enough to keep an aging crank like me awake, these guys have ten more tunes on the beautifully ragged The Chemistry Of Common Life album, and each of 'em is packed tight with hardcore surprises.

07: Be Your Own Pet: "Becky" [mp3] The last BYOP recording we're ever gonna get, cuz they broke up, and appropriately enough it's about asskicking and teenage homicide...About two BFFs who couldn't make it work when "Becky Facelift" made the scene and got in the way...RIP, BYOP!

06: Fuck Buttons: "Sweet Love For Planet Earth" [mp3] It all starts out so gracefully...The gentle bells...Like a spring breeze at sunset running through the windchimes on the front porch...A good friend, a pipe and a bottle of wine. It's a good life. Five minutes later, you become aware of the shift, that something isn't quite right, and then a minute after that, there's a crack in the sky, a crack in the dirt, a crack down the middle of the house and through the center of yr mind...Can it all be pulled back together again? Not the way it used to be. No.

05: M83: "Kim & Jessie" [mp3] I'm old enough to remember the 1980's rather well, and for those of you who came of age in that decade too, I think you'll agree with me that "Kim & Jessie" sounds exactly h0w it was...Exactly perfect...That was then, and this is now, 25 years beyond Mr. Walker's Current Events class, and this song makes it feel like last Friday afternoon right now. Heading to the Electric Connection to drop some serious quarters into Galaga.

04: Love Is All: "Wishing Well" [mp3] Another rollicking drum intro, this time leading into a trim and sarcastic 2:45 of girl group gang vocals, a roller rink organ, plenty of piss, vinegar, and even more drum rolls...It's wild! It's wooly! Now it's on yr iPod, babycakes!

03: Deerhunter: "Nothing Ever Happened" [mp3] "Well, Dick...I like the guitars quite a bit, and that chorus slays me every time. But mostly, it's got a nice, propulsive beat, and I can dance to it...So I'm gonna give it an 88. Dick."

02: Animal Collective: "Street Flash" [mp3] Animal Collective have lately mastered the sythesis of Pop chops with their trademark experimentation, and this song off their Water Curses EP is perhaps their best fusion of those two sensibilities yet...It's a weird and lovely tune, haunting and uplifting at once, from a band that makes me wish I had waited until the 00's to experiment with hallucinogens.

01: Santogold: "Lights Out" [mp3] The most perfect pop song of 2008 to my ears, barely edging out Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl" or Beyonce's "Single Ladies" as far as these radio-ready massive pop things go, though you'd never find that bi-curious circus sideshow tune on this list..."Lights Out" is both retro and a few minutes into the future, making it timeless right now...Now, I might get sick of it someday, the way I can't listen to "Hey Ya!" anymore, but for earlier this year and even on New Year's Eve, this is the song.

Hotcha! Hank