06 August 2006

Red Meat Will Kill Ya...


Esther Snyder, In'n'Out Burger Matriarch, Dies At 86

Esther Snyder founded In'n'Out Burger in 1948 with her husband Harry Snyder. Together they revolutionized the restaurant industry by introducing the two-way speaker system that is now synonymous with Fast Food, making the couple at least as important to that industry as Ray Kroc and his McDonald's franchising model.

The tragic death of Mrs. Snyder this past Friday has again shined the bright light of public scrutiny on the dangers of a regular diet of fast food burgers, as the In'n'Out matron famously ate her own company's fare every single day. In a press release from earlier today, Mrs. Snyder's granddaughter, Lynsi Martinez said, "While her passing was unexpected and much too soon, we've been assured by her team of doctors that her daily "Esther Special" played no part in this tragedy."

Shown here is a photo from the Snyder Family Archives showing "The Esther Special", a secret item never found on any In'n'Out menu, but known inside and out by every In'n'Out employee, on the very good chance Mrs. Snyder might make one of her surprise visits to random franchise locations. "The Esther Special" includes a classic Double Double with a cheeseburger on the side, two orders of French fries, and two medium Dr. Peppers. On Saturday, Mark Taylor, Vice-President of Operations for In'n'Out announced via a drive through head-set, that starting Monday, "The Esther Special" will be officially and permanently added to the restaurant's menu. "We think it's perfect for healthy eaters like Esther, but at $6.99, it makes a great and affordable meal for two." Previous to this announcement, In'n'Out was notorious for refusing to serve drunks and teenaged punks who had the nerve to request "The Esther Special" , though the numerous lawsuits throughout the years always found for the company.

"The Esther Special" announcement has shocked and outraged Christians and the cardiology community.


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Blogger Bimbo said...

"The Esther Special" announcement has shocked and outraged Christians and the cardiologist community. This woman was 86, correct? My thought is this: Let's all smoke, drink and screw until we die. Maybe we make it to 86, maybe we don't see 36. Either way, we'll have been livin' libido loca, enjoying all the special pleasures of doing something wrong instead of spending our days all Woody Allen neurotic. So Esther liked cheeseburgers and she died. This is terrible because...?

August 06, 2006 8:01 PM  

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