Tuesday's Fortune: 30 August 2011

MEAL: 1 order (8) Crab Rangoon + 1 small order Curry Chicken = $8.00 + $2.00 tip

Hotcha! Hank

HANK RANKS No. 33

24 Unused Song Titles From An Old Notebook

I used to be a musician. A songwriter with a small home studio. Well, I still am, but not with the same kind of fervor that I used to employ.

So I found a notebook from the spring of 2001. A spiral bound thing full of notes and ideas, poems and fragments of bigger ambitions, abstract doodles and a list of possible song titles, because like I said, I'm a songwriter. None of these titles have ever been used, so feel free, I guess. Most were intended for instrumental tracks, but I suppose I could have written lyrics for something called "Korn Tab" if I had just wanted to try.

HMHMHMHMHMHMHMHMHMHMHMHMHMHMHMHMHMHMHMHMHM

24: 10-10-321
23: Korn Tab
22: Demon In The Sack
21: Rooster Chews Tobacco
20: Numbers That Are Greater Than One
19: Unme No Jikan
18: Wall-To-Wall Syrup
17: I Had A Datsun That Color
16: The Distinct Aroma Of Gasoline And Capacitors
15: Mario Speedwagon Sez "This is the fucking bizness!"
14: I Can't Even Imagine Slash's Dad
13: Robust Chin Jism in C
12: I'd Like To Meet The Guy From Don Caballero Who Came Up With Their Song Titles
11: Land O'Smiles
10: The Devil Or Doug
09: Everything Is Factory, Dude
08: I've Got No Beef With Iggy
07: Unity Gain
06: Meet The Depeche Mode Remix Contest That Killed Me
05: I'm Curious About The Fugs
04: Suburban Housewife Oil Orgy in C
03: Satchmo Double Helix
02: I Once Lived In My Father's Balls
01: Nanker Phelge

Hotcha! Hank

Something 4 The Weekend # 217

Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band: Clear Spot: "Big-Eyed Beans From Venus" [mp3]

My mom would have been sixty-nine years old today. She died a long time ago. This song is gospel, and you should always listen to your captain.

Hotcha! Hank

Tuesday's Fortune: 23 August 2011

MEAL: 2 Roast Pork Egg Rolls + 1 small order Chicken With Pea Pods = $6.45 + $1.55 tip

Hotcha! Hank

Something 4 The Weekend # 216

Yoko Ono: A Story: "Yes I'm A Witch" [mp3]

I love Yoko Ono.

Over the years, she's become a litmus test of sorts. When I hear a person making fun of Yoko, or bitch about her, or claim she's only famous for marrying John Lennon, I immediately question everything that person thinks or believes about pop culture, art, and even life.

Yoko Ono was an engaging, challenging, self-contained artist and person before she met Lennon. I'm pretty certain those qualities, among many others, is what made Lennon fall in love with her from the start. And it's not important whether or not one likes her art and music. I'll be the first to admit that it's not for everybody, and even someone like me, who adores Yoko Ono, doesn't like everything she's done. But it's important, to me anyways, that we recognize and respect the fact that she puts herself and her art/music/ideas out there for scrutiny. Especially when that art/music isn't the beige, lifeless kind of pablum that so many of us embrace so readily. Many of us don't want to be challenged or provoked, we just want to be entertained. Those kinds of people are generally as beige and lifeless as their music collections.

I work with a woman who was/is a bonafide '60's hippie. She has a bumpersticker on her Prius that reads I STILL BLAME YOKO. I asked her one day why she hates Yoko, knowing full well what her answer would be - "She's the reason The Beatles broke up."

So I asked her, "Don't you think it was John and Paul's massive egos that broke that band up, and Yoko is just a convenient scapegoat?", to which she replied, "That's just a bunch of nonsense."

I'm at a loss for words, so I'll just say it again - I love Yoko Ono. You don't have to, but you probably should.

"Every time you do what you want to do, you're living."

Hotcha! Hank

Tuesday's Fortune: 16 August 2011

MEAL: 2 Roast Pork Egg Rolls + 1 small order Moo Goo Gai Pan = $6.75 + $1.25 tip

Hotcha! Hank

Something 4 The Weekend # 215

Chicago: Chicago V: "Saturday In The Park" [mp3]

Chicago was one of my mom's favorite bands. When I was in the 4th grade, I started to learn to work the saxophone, and part of that learning process included learning to play along to Chicago songs, thanks to a book of transcriptions I found (and my mom bought for me) at our town's music store.

I am often surprised by the bands that people like, and I think, "there's no accounting for taste". Then, as usual, I think about it a bit more, and realize that taste often has nothing to do with it.

We've all had a mom.

Hotcha! Hank

Tuesday's Fortune: 09 August 2011

MEAL: 2 Vegetable Spring Rolls + 1 small order Chicken Lo Mein = $6.65 + $1.35 tip

Hotcha! Hank

Something 4 The Weekend # 214

Smoke: Heaven On A Popsicle Stick: "The Trip" [mp3]

About a month ago a good friend of mine, Thump, got married. Around that same time a coworker/friend started dating a lovely young woman, and so far, things are going well. Then, about two weeks ago, another coworker/friend found himself embroiled in a rather torrid sexual thing with a recently divorced cougar who apparently is making up for lost time. Tonight, a third coworker/friend goes on his first date with a woman he randomly encountered on Google+.

Meanwhile, the Filipino lesbian who lives next door might actually be bisexual. Otherwise, I can't explain the A-1 flirting she was doing with me out by her mailbox the other evening. We didn't actually hook up, but I'm telling you, it seems inevitable.

Anyways, I believe you should seek out Heaven On A Popsicle Stick immediately. This lost classic album of baroque, somewhat-deconstructed Countryfolkblues is the perfect soundtrack for this summer's heat, and all the sex and romance that is currently in the air. This thick, warm air.

Hotcha! Hank

Tuesday's Fortune: 02 August 2011

MEAL: 1 order (8) Crab Rangoon + 1 small order Sweet & Sour Chicken = $8.30 + $1.70 tip

Hotcha! Hank