30 September 2009

A Word With Moshammer's Ghost


Function: adjective

Etymology: Latin consensus + English -al

Date: 1754

01: existing or made by mutual consent without an act of writing; "There may not have been a written contract between Roman Polanski and Samantha Gailey, but there was nothing consensual about their sexual encounter of March 10th, 1977."

02: involving or based on mutual consent; "There is absolutely nothing consensual about drugging and sodomizing a thirteen year old girl who repeated says 'no'."

Hotcha! Hank

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29 September 2009

Tuesday's Fortune: 29 September 2009

MEAL: 2 Vegetable Spring Rolls + 1 small order Sweet & Sour Chicken = $6.95 + $1.05 tip

Hotcha! Hank

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27 September 2009

Something 4 The End Of The Weekend

Well, it was a busy, craptastic weekend that just isn't worth talking about...
Sometimes life hands you lemons, and there ain't no water for lemonade.
Joe Lewis knows...
Hotcha! Hank

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22 September 2009

Tuesday's Fortune: 22 September 2009

MEAL: 2 Roast Pork Egg Rolls + 1 order (8) Crab Rangoon = $5.95 + $1.05 tip

Hotcha! Hank

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18 September 2009

Something 4 The Weekend # 136

One night, when I was fifteen or sixteen, I climbed up on the roof of our garage and masturbated under the moonlight. I did it because Jim Carroll wrote about doing the same on the roof of his apartment building in NYC when he was a teenager. It seemed like a good idea at the time. It still does, really. The raw primacy of the act outdoors - it was quite a powerful experience, and one that stayed with me...There's nothing quite as exciting as outdoor sex, I don't think - fucking like animals...
Anyways, The Basketball Diaries blew my teenaged mind, and is definitely one of the most influential books I've ever read...Sex, drugs, basketball - that was essentially my teenaged life, although I never had to sell my mouth and ass for heroin money...Instead, I worked a dishwashing job for $3.75 an hour for weed and booze money, which I often smoked and drank at the basketball court on 3rd Ave...
The Basketball Diaries was influential because it was one of my earliest forays into adult fiction, and led my reading to what might be considered the more transgressive writers - William S Burroughs, Hunter S Thompson, the Beats, JG Ballard, Kathy Acker...It was an autobiography that seemed to give me permission to experiment, as it were...Now, I never got strung out on smack at 13, let alone 43, but when I was young, I never shied away from trying any drug at least once, including heroin...Most drugs I never did again, including heroin, but two or four were worth repeating...Sex too - just about anything goes, you know, and you never know when a favored safe word might come in handy.
Anyways, Jim Carroll died last Friday, though I didn't hear about it until Tuesday...Go figure...
This song selection is the obvious one, but it truly is a great song and worth hearing again...What is Rock'n'Roll if not a raging against the dying of the light?
RIP, Jim Carroll...
"I just want to be pure."
Hotcha! Hank

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15 September 2009

Tuesday's Fortune: 15 September 2009

MEAL: 2 Vegetable Spring Rolls + 1 small order General Tso's Chicken = $6.75 + $1.25 tip

Hotcha! Hank

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13 September 2009

HOT FIVE: Parliament-Funkadelic

05: Funkadelic: Maggot Brain [1971]
Featuring..."Maggot Brain", "Hit It & Quit It", "You & Your Folks, Me & My Folks","Wars Of Armageddon"

Mother Earth is pregnant for the third time...For y'all have knocked her up! I have tasted the maggots in the mind of the universe...I was not offended! For I knew I had to rise above it all...Or drown in my own shit! Come on Maggot Brain! Go on Maggot Brain!

(I wanna know if you can get to that!)

I want you to hit it! Good god, hit it and quit it! I want you to (hooo-whoaa) Oh mama, hit it! Good god, hit it and quit it!

If you and your thing dig me and my thing, like me and my thing dig you and your thing, and we all got a thing, yeah, and it's a very good thing...

(We are back in our minds, again!)

More power to the people, more power to the people, more pussy to the power, more pussy to the people, more power to the pussy, more pussy to the power...Power to the pussy!

(Right on, brother...)

04: Motor Booty Affair [1978]
Featuring..."Mr. Wiggles", "Aqua Boogie (A Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop)", "The Motor Booty Affair", "Deep"
DG was the only black kid in my middle school, circa 1977-1979...The comfortably numb white middle-classed suburbs of Grafton...DG's family had moved to our languid town from the north side of Milwaukee, an area I knew well on account of my grandparents...
Stereotypes be damned, DG excelled at basketball and boxing...During recess, out on the playground, playing hoops, he'd take it to the rim and totally smoke some taller, gawky kid of ambiguous Nordic descent, and just to make things clear that the only black kid in the school wasn't to be trifled with, he'd start shuffling his feet like Ali when he was done with the rope-a-dope, and start jabbing and dancing, jabbing and dancing, getting in a quick lick or four, and then take off running in the opposite direction of Mr. Stangle.
I was a decent enough basketball player myself in those days, and smart enough not to get sucked into any boxing matches with DG, and so we became pretty good friends...Good enough friends that Stan, Paul and me would go over to DG's house during lunch sometimes, and we'd sit in his bedroom in the basement, passing around a bottle of rhubarb wine his mom had made, and listen to Parliament and Bootsy Collins records...
Never any Funkadelic, for some reason, though...I got into them via the One Nation Under A Groove album, which I bought for myself after DG had schooled me in the ways of George and Bootsy and the rest of the P-Funk crew...
I was a 12 year old white Polack in the suburbs, getting drunk on Parliament! So it shouldn't be so strange to consider the 43 year old white Polack in hipster Madison getting high on Parliament right now?
"I got a string on my thing, rhythm in my thing (Wind me up)... I can do my thing underwater!!! I got a string attached to my thing, when you pull my string, I can do my thing like I oughta!!!"

03: Mothership Connection [1975]
Featuring..."P-Funk (Wants To Get Funked Up)", "Mothership Connection (Star Child)", "Unfunky UFO", "Give Up The Funk (Tear The Roof Off The Sucker)", "Night Of The Thumpasaurus People"
Back in those same middle school years, I used to go with my parents to rummage sales, and one breezy Saturday morning I was rummaging through crates of vinyl, both 7 inch and longplaying varieties in some crumpled uncle's garage, and I happened upon a promotional 45rpm of Parliament's "P-Funk (Wants To Get Funked Up)" with an extended, somewhat dirty version on the flipside...Rather rare these days, and you bet yr ass I got that baby tucked away in a sturdy case in the front hall closet...
Imagine a middle-aged man of ambiguous Nordic descent selling a Parliament 45 to a 12 year old kid of Polish descent out in the whitewashed bedroom community of Grafton!
And damn if I didn't jam that sweet sweet single frequently, full volume in my big fat KOSS cans, bouncing around at the foot of my bed, watching the neighborhood girls ride past and thinking about teenaged sex...
"Good evening. Do not attempt to adjust your radio, there is nothing wrong. We have taken control as to bring you this special show. We will return it to you as soon as you are grooving. Welcome to station WEFUNK, better known as We-Funk, or deeper still, the Mothership Connection. Home of the extraterrestrial brothers, dealers of funky music. P-Funk! Uncut Funk! The BOMB!!!"

02: One Nation Under A Groove [1978]
Featuring..."One Nation Under A Groove", "Who Says A Funk Band Can't Play Rock?", "Promentalshitbackwashpsychosis Enema Squad (The Doo-Doo Chasers)", "Into You", "Lunchmeatphobia (Think, It Ain't Illegal Yet!)", "Maggot Brain [Live]"
So wide can't get around it! So low you can't get under it! So high you can't get over it! Do you promise to funk, the whole funk, nothin' but the funk??? One nation under a groove, gettin' down just for the funk of it! One nation and we're on the move...Nothin' can stop us now!
'Bout that time they asked me where was I going, ya know? I, said, " Well, you have to be reasonable...So you know I've never been away from home before...And, uh, besides, they gave me a good deal, and I think that, uhhhh, Funkadelica is...you know... the nation, uhhhh, you know, I would like to, live under..."
(What in the world is this boy talking about?)
The world is a toll-free toilet...Our mouths neurological assholes...And psychologically speaking, we're in a state of mental diarrhea...Talking shit a mile a minute! Or in a state of constipated notions, can't think of nothin' but shit...And in this world of stinky futures, shitty memories and constipated 19 now-nows...Emerges from the hiney of your head...The doo doo chasers!! The Promentalshitbackwashpsychosisenemasquad!!! The prune juice of the mind! The doo doo chasers!! Friends of roto-rooter!!! Bringing you music to get your shit together by...The band in the tidy bowl of your brain!
(Fried ice cream is a reality!)
You know, it was in my hands, it was in my feet...I got it all over me! Yes, I did! I got it all over me! Got to go, got to go, got to go with the funk!

01: Funkentelechy Vs. The Placebo Syndrome [1977]
Featuring..."Bop Gun (Endangered Species)", "Sir Nose D'Voidoffunk", "Wizard Of Finance", "Funkentelechy", "Placebo Syndrome", "Flashlight"
What I consider the greatest Funk album ever made...Six fat, sick slabs of groove and hardcore funk, bookended by arguably the two best songs in the entire Parliament catalog...Or at least the two best-known and most-sampled...
I guess it isn't much of a surprise that two of my favorite Hip-Hop albums, Ice Cube's Death Certificate and Digital Underground's Sons Of The P, infringes upon this album hardcore...
I don't know what else to say at this point, about my favorite album by a band you might never expect would mean so much, and run so deep, for a guy like me...What might I have missed if I hadn't been such good friends with the only black kid in Grafton in the 1970's? Would we have jammed Grandmaster Flash on the boombox in the JV football locker room a couple years later? Would I have loved Run-DMC if they hadn't teamed with Aerosmith? What about Fela Kuti?
Of course, they were on the same label as KISS, so maybe all of this was inevitable...
"Everybody's got a little light under the sun!"
Hotcha! Hank

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12 September 2009

When Sideways Maneuver Talks To God

"When the president talks to God, does he ever think that maybe he's not? That the voice is just inside his head when he kneels next to the presidential bed...Does he ever smell his own bullshit when the president talks to God?...I doubt it."

Hotcha! Hank

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11 September 2009

Something 4 The Weekend # 135

Woods: Songs Of Shame: "Military Madness" [mp3]

I shouldn't have to tell my fellow Americans (and most others around the world) what today is, so I won't...

The question has been asked before by others, but where have all the anti-war and protest songs been this past decade? Aside from Bright Eyes' "When The President Talks To God", I'm having a hard time thinking of any others...

("Military Madness" is a Graham Nash song from 1971, btw...)

While the Cheney administration was bullshitting the American public into a nasty war against the wrong country/regime (Iraq) at a cost of hundreds of billions of dollars and untold human lives, it would seem the opposition was mostly ineffectual...It's not necessarily true that the anti-war people were completely quiet, but underlying the opposition (at least to me) was the feeling that we were helpless and powerless to do anything, and so we mostly did nothing...

Until the 2008 elections, when the majority of voters put the Democrats back into Congressional power and gave Barack Obama the presidency, which seems to me to be a fairly strong repudiation of the past 8 years...

And now President Obama and the Democrat-led Congress are attempting to pass some health care reforms, including a public option and insurance coverage for those of us who cannot afford insurance in any form, and dammit if Republicans and those with conservative political ideologies aren't storming town hall meetings and screaming bullshit talking points and trying to stifle any sort of rational dialogue. These are the same people who saw no problem with funding DEATH and WAR to the tune of hundreds of billions of dollars, but believe that taking care those who cannot take care of themselves, improving their quality of life, and in some instances, SAVING LIVES, is a waste of money, and even worse, SOCIALISM...

Words cannot express the ridiculousness of it all...Maybe that's why there are no decent protest songs these days. Cognitive dissonance is a stone-cold bitch.

Hotcha! Hank

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08 September 2009

Tuesday's Fortune: 08 September 2009

MEAL: 1 Roast Pork Egg Roll + 1 small order Chicken Chow Mein = $5.35 + $1.65 tip

Hotcha! Hank

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06 September 2009

Something 4 The Weekend # 134

My friend and former co-worker, Taber, got married this weekend, and as any friend and former co-worker would do, I went to the wedding/reception. It was a grand affair, capping off a whirlwind 8 year romance/courtship, and I believe they'll have a long and happy marriage, despite now living in Los Angeles, land of divorces and general neuroses...
Now, this sour and sarcastic song by Joe Jackson is not aimed at Chris and Christine Taber, but rather, sums up my general feelings of being a middle-aged single man at a wedding reception. Particularly a wedding reception where most of the attendees are already coupled up, and/or significantly younger than I am...
Which is not to say I went to this reception looking for a hook-up or the blossoming of a new romance...
You see, I'm quite happy being single...Well, most of the time I'm quite happy about it...However, it's tough to remain sunny about these self-imposed circumstances when there's so much love/lust in the air. A wedding reception is one of those events where I certainly begin second guessing my choice of bachelorhood. A time when I actually feel lonely, rather than just being alone...Which is why I'm streaming "Happy Loving Couples" for this week's S4TW...
So, I drank heavily...If you consider 9 Gin & Tonics and 2 glasses of red wine in about 3 hours heavy drinking...
And I danced...And when DJ Papi Love (another good friend and ex-coworker) needed to take bathroom breaks, I took over the soundsystem to keep the party going...During one of these breaks, we were coming up on a slow-jam segment, and I learned something - 20somethings do not like Echo & The Bunnymen...Even a song as beautifully moody and perfect as "The Killing Moon"...It would seem this younger generation doesn't care much for slow-tempo songs in general - if they want to slow dance, they'll just do it no matter what song is playing at the time...
Kids - there's no accounting for taste...
(Congratulations again, Chris and Christine)
Hotcha! Hank

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02 September 2009

A Word With Moshammer's Ghost


Function: adjective

Etymology: Middle English fonned, from fonne fool

Date: 14th century

01: foolish, silly; "Ach, you and your fond dreams of wealth and fame."

02: prizing highly, or having an affection (used with of); "Anyone who knows me, knows I'm quite fond of butterscotch, Winona Ryder, and thoughts of Winona Ryder covered in butterscotch."

03: foolishly tender, indulgent; "Fond mothers make for spoiled kids."

04: cherished with great affection; "My fondest memory may be building a go-kart with my grandpa one weekend when I was nine."

Hotcha! Hank

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01 September 2009

Tuesday's Fortune: 01 September 2009

MEAL: 1 order (4) Chicken Wings + 1 small order Chicken Chow Mein = $7.75 + $1.25 tip

Hotcha! Hank

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