29 July 2011

Something 4 The Weekend # 213

The United States Of America: The United States Of America: "The Garden Of Earthly Delights" [mp3]

The United States Of America (the country) can safely be called the home of sex, drugs and rock'n'roll. (Right?)

The United States Of America (the band) was a rock band in the late 1960's, the time when sex and drugs fully arrived in Rock and popular culture, once and for all.

The United States Of America (the album) is perhaps the greatest album from that era that you've never heard on your local Classic Hits™ station. This album is sexy and druggy and really fucking weird at times, and undeniably beautiful at other times. It's raw and loud despite the fact that there's not a guitar to be found anywhere, and it's political without being too strident or silly. To me this album sounds like the very epitome of 1968, a year I don't remember.

Hotcha! Hank

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26 July 2011

Tuesday's Fortune: 26 July 2011

MEAL: 2 Roast Pork Egg Rolls + 1 small order Sweet & Sour Chicken = $6.85 + $1.15 tip

Hotcha! Hank

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19 July 2011

Tuesday's Fortune: 19 July 2011

MEAL: 2 Vegetable Spring Rolls + 1 small order Kung Pao Chicken = $6.65 + $1.35 tip

Hotcha! Hank

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15 July 2011

Something 4 The Weekend # 212

Frank Ocean: Nostalgia, Ultra: "Songs For Women" [mp3]

I was travelling down University Avenue in Middleton during lunch hour today, and I'm the first car sitting at a red light when it happened.

What happened is, a fifty-something year old dude in a maroon Ford F-250 is making a left turn onto University Ave, crossing right in front of me, and I'm watching him looking intently at about a dozen scantily-clad teenaged girls washing cars for charity in a parking lot at the far corner of the intersection. (Of course I had watched them myself when I came to that stop)...

I watched this dude with his eyes locked on those young, nubile girls as he drove his truck straight up over the curb and sidewalk and into the front end of a black Acura parked in front of Scott's Pastry Shoppe.

I was laughing before he even crashed, and I was still kinda laughing when I drove around the block and came back to act as witness for the cops.

I laughed again when I went and got my car washed.

Anyways, this song was playing as a dozen teenaged girls scrubbed and hosed and patted dry my Grand Marquis.

I'm chuckling right now.

Hotcha! Hank

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12 July 2011

Tuesday's Fortune: 12 July 2011

MEAL: 2 Roast Pork Egg Rolls + 1 small order Chicken With Pea Pods = $6.45 + $1.55 tip

Hotcha! Hank

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08 July 2011

Something 4 The Weekend # 211

We were doing whippits in a kitchen in a duplex half a block off Brady Street in Milwaukee. We were drinking assorted liquors and smoking weed and some of us were snorting coke and dust, and others licked toads and ate fungii and who the fuck knows what else. There were seven or nineteen of us in the kitchen doing things, and some of us were playing Sheepshead.

There was a small Puerto Rican dude passed out in the back hallway with his pants pulled down and a small erection in his purple grundies, but we didn't know that for awhile.

Eventually one of us opened the kitchen door to get more toads, or something, found the small Puerto Rican dude passed out in the back hallway with his thumb in his mouth and a bunch of us laughed because we were doing whippits and whatnot. I remember he smelled like deep-fried fish and one of those Calvin Klein colognes.

Naturally, because the kitchen and all of us were full of Schedule 1 substances, we quickly decided the small dude with the small erection needed to be somewhere else, like in the shrubs on the side of the Walgreen's three doors down. I think that was Betty's idea.

Me and Shortbus, being two large, strong men with the least serious substances in our systems at that time, fireman-carried the guy to Walgreen's, but by the time we got him there, he was foaming at the mouth and starting to moan.

So yeah, shit got really real right then, and I made a call from the payphone on the corner (this was like, 1988, you know?) and now there were a couple of girls gathered, so Shortbus and I slinked off through the backyards because there was no way we were dealing with cops and paramedics.

Eventually the flashing lights that bounced off the living room window and through the dining room and into the kitchen in the duplex three doors down were gone, and we went back to smoking and snorting and licking and Sheepshead. At some point Murph said, "man, I wish we had whatever that dude had", and we laughed and partied just a little bit harder.

Hotcha! Hank

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07 July 2011


Surprise, surprise! My adoration and lust for Winona Ryder is neverending. What else can I possibly say about her that I haven't already said? She is my hope.

Hotcha! Hank

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05 July 2011

Tuesday's Fortune: 05 July 2011

MEAL: 1 order (8) Crab Rangoon + 1 order (6) Teriyaki Chicken Fingers = $9.50 + 50¢ tip

Hotcha! Hank

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02 July 2011


My 9 Favorite Milwaukee Brewers [1976 Season]

09: Darrell Porter [C] Porter had a Fu Manchu, and the requisite '70s sideburns, and that's good enough for me.

08: Gorman Thomas [OF] "Stormin'" Gorman was reckless (but good) in the outfield, and all or nothing at the plate. He was popular in Milwaukee because of his everyman image - beer drinking, Harley-riding, hard-working, and I liked him too, but in the end, he was only ever an average baseball player. Years later, when I was old enough, I went to his southside tavern that he owned with pitcher Pete Vukovich, Stormin' & Vuke's, but it was only an average tavern.

07: Pedro Garcia [2B] Pedro Garcia was small and fast and had no teeth.

06: Sixto Lezcano [RF] Sixto was always on the verge of greatness, but never quite attained it. In 1976, he had the team's highest batting average, but at .285, that's nothing to really brag about. I always liked Sixto. He was a great outfielder, and even won a Gold Glove in 1979.

05: Kurt Bevacqua [OF] Bevacqua didn't start many games for the Brewers in 1976, and when he did, he was a complete non-factor. However, he was crowned the Bazooka Bubble Gum Blowing Champion of 1975, and believe it or not, my dad's factory's holiday party that year featured a variety show that included Kurt Bevacqua blowing bubblegum bubbles up on the stage. For the record, the Hudson Brothers (featuring Kate Hudson's dad, Bill Hudson) headlined that party, and when they did their big hit "Rendezvous", I squealed like a 10 year old girl rather than a 10 year old boy.

04: Don Money [3B] I thought a guy with the last name "Money" was the coolest thing when I was 10 years old. I still do, really. Aside from that, Don Money was one of those solid, dependable players whom sportswriters like to call "scrappy".

03: Robin Yount [SS] The young phenom from Arizona! Robin Yount was the future of the Brewers' organization, and would eventually lift the team out of the malaise of the 1970's with the help of another phenom, Paul Molitor. But that was the '80's. This is the '70s, and man, did the Brewers suck.

02: George "Boomer" Scott [1B] As legend has it, George Scott wore a necklack made out of Pedro Garcia's teeth. He also hit his fair share of home runs, which always pleases the crowds.

01: Hank Aaron [DH] Hank Aaron has been one of my heroes since I was old enough to understand that I was named after him. Not only is he one of perhaps the five greatest baseball players of all time, but a man who's demeanor has always reminded me of the Buddha.
Hotcha! Hank

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01 July 2011

Something 4 The Weekend # 210

Frank Zappa: In New York: "Punky's Whips" [mp3]

So, last week's S4TW featured Angel, a '70s Glam Metal band of pretty boys, and guitarist Punky Meadows was arguably the prettiest of the quintet.

Pretty enough to fill Terry Bozzio, Frank Zappa's drummer at the time, with mad desire.

This is a song about that desire.

Hotcha! Hank

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