ROUGH RYDERS 2010: Week Three

Well, our beloved WINONA ROUGH RYDERS defeated THE HAIRY NIPPLES this week to bring our record to 2-1, but I gotta say, I'm still not entirely happy with my team's performance this week.

Namely, my running back corps have been fairly abysmal thus far this season, and in hindsight, it was likely a mistake to draft Maurice Jones-Drew, a good running back playing on a really shitty offense. Another week, another failure, although he was able to break double digits in fantasy points. Meanwhile, Brandon Jackson appears NOT to be the answer in Green Bay as Ryan Grant's replacement, and here we are in week three, and when all is said and done, this fantasy season might very well boil down to Grant's injury in week one. Losing him, and unable to find a comparable replacement, automatically takes our beloved ROUGH RYDERS from serious contenders to middle-of-the-pack also-rans. Sigh.

Elsewhere, Tony Romo played well, Donald Driver had another great game, and the Steelers' defense played huge again, but it was Anquan Boldin (Fuckin' Anquan!) who saved the day and led us to victory with a whopping 40 FP. Unbelievable.

Anyways, I'm glad we won, but I'm not exactly happy.

Forward!

Hotcha! Hank

Tuesday's Fortune: 28 September 2010

MEAL: 1 order Fried Crispy Bean Curds + 1 small order Chicken Lo Mein = $9.90 + $$10.10 tip


Hotcha! Hank

ROUGH RYDERS 2010: Week Two

Our beloved WINONA ROUGH RYDERS destroyed BUGMANIA in both meetings last year, so this loss must certainly taste sweet for Gregor...

I'm not bitter...Oh sure, I'm pissed at Maurice Jones-Drew, who has been useless through two weeks, but even if he had played to his stud potential, I probably still would have lost. If we were going to lose this week, it's good that MJD hopefully got this shit out of his system. 6.8 FP, and 3 of those were for tackles after turnovers. Unacceptable for the third pick in the draft.

Aside from MJD, I can only bitch about my fucking kicker, Lawrence Tynes and my DL's, Julius Peppers and Aaron Kampman. Certainly my first mistake was drafting a NY Giant named Lawrence who isn't named Taylor, and I'm gonna need to do something about that in the next week or two...Peppers is on alert as well, and I can only imagine how the Bears' front office is thinking right now, giving the dude a six-year, $91 million contract, with half of that guaranteed. For that kind of money, he oughta have six sacks already.

$45 million guaranteed for a defensive lineman. I played DE my JV year. I was pretty decent, but I wanted to be a linebacker. I wanted to be Jack Lambert. Jack Ham. Lawrence Taylor.

Now I'd want to be Clay Matthews. That dude does have six sacks already. I don't expect him to keep it up, but as a Packer fan, I'd say he's a real-deal ballhawk and all-around free-range lunatic.

Poor AJ Hawk. He was the crazy white linebacker hope of Packerland just two short years ago. He was a beloved Rough Ryder, for chrissakes! He was doing car dealership commercials and that PSA about manners that they play before every film at the theater around here. Poor AJ Hawk is seemingly dead. Long live Clay Matthews. If he shows up in a Culver's commercial, we'll know for sure that the torch has been passed.

Anyways, on the other side of the ball for the Packers (and our beloved ROUGH RYDERS) all I can say is Brandon Jackson ain't Ryan Grant, but he could be. I mean, he was poised to be the Packers' starting RB until Grant showed up from the Giants.

This week's MVP for the ROUGH RYDERS is the Pittsburgh Steelers' Defense. Not only did they hold the Titans' offense to 11 points, but they had four sacks, four fumble recoveries, three interceptions, and a kickoff return for a TD to start the game. That all adds up to a stunning 36 FP.

The beloved WINONA ROUGH RYDERS still lost, but I'm not bitter.

Hotcha! Hank

Tuesday's Fortune: 21 September 2010

MEAL: 3 Roast Pork Egg Rolls + 2 Vegetable Spring Rolls + 1 small order of Sweet & Sour Chicken = $10.55 + $4.45 tip

Hotcha! Hank

Something 4 The Weekend # 182

Bauhaus: Dark Entries 7": "Dark Entries" [mp3]

He sat alone in a booth by a window that looked out onto the parking lot, the asphalt only a shade darker than the steely sky. While the waitress went to get his soft drink, he buried his face in both hands and groaned just loud enough to catch my attention at another booth twenty feet away.

He is our company's marketing director, and he had just got back from a tradeshow in Amsterdam the night before. Apparently it only went alright.

I went back to my my poached eggs, stabbing them with flatware the color of November skies still weeks away. I might have sighed.

I wonder what it's like to make decisions.

Hotcha! Hank

ROUGH RYDERS 2010: Week One

Another NFL season is upon us, babycakes, and that means another year of fantasy football!

Another year of the WINONA ROUGH RYDERS!!!!! Another year demanding CAPITULATION every single week, and hopefully destroying those foes who won't...

And this year, unlike most, began with a victory in Week One.

Rather poetically, the stud this week for our beloved ROUGH RYDERS was FUCKIN' ANQUAN, who you might remember exploded for 41.2 FP in my league's championship game in 2007 and singlehandedly cost us the TICPL crown that year to Thee Fractioneer.

But here he is in 2010, playing for us, and he had a great (not stellar) 18 FP to lead our team to a somewhat convincing victory over the BLATZ BLASTERS, a team that was flat once you got past the foamy head that is Manning and Wayne at the top of their roster...

Meanwhile, I had MATT FORTE putting up a rather beastly 41.1 FP while sitting on my bench. I opted for TERRELL OWENS in my flex spot, and he contributed a relatively meager 12.3 FP instead. Luckily I didn't need FORTE. With RYAN GRANT, my RB2 going down with a season-ending ankle injury early in the game, this week could have been disaster with or without him. Thankfully DONALD DRIVER started out this season with a BANG, adding 15 FP of his own to solid performances in the top half of my roster.

Things were a bit disappointing on the defensive side of the ball, and rest assured that ERIC WEDDLE and RAY EDWARDS have already been tossed back into free agency in exchange for (hopefully) better defensive numbers next week. I can get rather impatient with defensive players.

So say hello to OSHIOMOGHO ATOGWE, a tackling machine in St. Louis who put up great numbers for our beloved ROUGH RYDERS last year.

Say hello to AARON KAMPMAN, the ex-Packer DE/LB who now calls Jacksonville home.

Say hello to the Packer's own CLAY MATTHEWS, who had a monstrous week one game while hanging deep and unclaimed in the free agency pool.

Hello, Clay!

So here we are, the WINONA ROUGH RYDERS, 2010 edition. I had a great draft, and if I can avoid any more serious injuries like GRANT'S, I believe I've got a real solid chance of reclaiming the TICFL crown this year, which I haven't worn since 2004 when DONOVAN McNABB and MUSHIN MUHAMMAD led our team all the way to the mountaintop.

Muhsin Muhammad!

Next week we take on BUGMANIA, whom we utterly destroyed in both our meetings last season.

Here we go again...

Hotcha! Hank

Tuesday's Fortune: 14 September 2010

MEAL: 2 Roast Pork Egg Rolls + 1 small order Curry Beef with Onions = $7.15 + .85¢ tip

Hotcha! Hank

Something 4 The Weekend # 181

Mulsimgauze: United States Of Islam: "United States Of Islam (Part One)" [mp3]

The first amendment secures our right to assemble and burn Korans. In other words, the first amendment insures Pastor Terry Jones the right to act as un-Christian as he wants, whether he sees this act as a relevant and appropriate response to the attacks of 9-11-01, or more specifically, the proposed opening of an Islamic community center near "ground zero".

The old testament might teach us that equitable retribution is a righteous law ("an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth"), but that is certainly NOT a Christian idea. In his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus had this to say...

"You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.' But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you." ~Matthew 5:38-42~

In my opinion, Pastor Terry Jones is not a Christian, nor is anyone who agrees with his worldviews and/or his Koran-burning plan, whether he follows through with it or not. The typical fundamentalist mindset is incorrect, whether it's Christian fundamentalism, or Islamic fundamentalism. Salvation cannot be found through violence and hatred, and once again I say that belief alone in God and Jesus/Mohammad is simply not enough for one to find his/her place at the right hand of God in heaven.

I do not believe in God or heaven, but I cannot say that God does not exist, or that there is no heaven. What I do believe is that if God and heaven actually do exist, we will find our place at his right hand through compassion, understanding, and a willingness to forgive the trespasses of others, and all the other righteous behaviors we all should strive for as decent human beings.

In 2010, I believe America is lost. Far too many of us have absolutely no understanding of our own religion, and plenty of us have no understanding our rights as American citizens. The people who have become frenzied over Pastor Terry Jones plans to burn Korans and wish to stop him are completely ignoring the Pastor's first amendment rights. He has every right to burn those holy books, and to speak out against that proposed Islamic community center in NYC, just as his detractors have every right to call him foolish and short-sighted.

And I do believe he's a fool, and a remarkably un-Christian fool at that. But ultimately he's free to be who he wants to be, and to do what he wants to do within the limits of the law.

I'll shut up now.

Hotcha! Hank

Sideways Eyes, Black Maneuver

Black Tusk is a new fucking metal band, and I really like their debut album, Taste The Sin, which is one of my favorite albums of 2010.

Nuff said? Ayup.

Hotcha! Hank

Tuesday's Fortune: 07 September 2010

MEAL: 1 order Mongolian Beef + 1 Fried Sweet Bun = $7.45 + $1.55 tip

Hotcha! Hank

Something 4 The Weekend # 180

Black Tusk: Taste The Sin: "The Ride" [mp3]

I've travelled the United States pretty extensively over the years, and I've long believed that the absolute worst drivers I've encountered anywhere are right here in the city of Madison. I could rattle off a pretty long list of lousy driving skills, but the two that irritate me the most are not using turn signals, and driving below the speed limit.

So when it was announced earlier this year that our company was relocating to Middleton, I was immediately bummed because my commute would go from 8-12 minutes to 30-40 minutes.

And now that I've been making that longer commute for the past month, I hate to say that I was 100% right to get bummed, because indeed I am now dealing with morons for more than an hour every day.

The first three days I took the beltline, which is essentially a freeway with a 55 mph speed limit. The second morning commute to Middleton took almost an hour. An hour to travel 17 miles because the beltline is pretty much a fucking parking lot during rush hour. Rush hour. Yeah right.

So on the fourth day, I started taking County M around the north side of Lake Mendota. It's a pretty consistent 30-35 minute commute, and it's a fairly enjoyable ride past rolling fields and whatnot, but it's still annoying because I've probably only been able to do the speed limit two or three times in the past three weeks. Every single commute, you can bet your ass there's some fuckwad doing 5-10 mph under the limit with a long line of cars stuck behind said fuckwad. Annoying as hell, and yet not as annoying as idling on the fucking beltline for no good reason.

I'm not a speed demon (I tend to drive 5-10 miles over the limit - that sweet spot that cops won't usually ticket) but I'll never understand why there are so many fucking people in this area who are incapable of even doing the speed limit. Especially those drivers behind the wheel of high performance vehicles, like that douche in the Shelby Mustang I was stuck behind yesterday morning.

Anyways, there's no point to this post, but then again, is there ever a point to any of these posts?

Hotcha! Hank

On A Sideways Maneuver To Melonville

"I think it's the altitude that stiffens 'em up, there."

The late, 100% great, John Candy as Gil Fisher, The Fishin' Musician who can't stand the taste of fish.

Priceless.

Hotcha! Hank

Sideways Balloon Maneuver Named Bruce

Why is the name Bruce so funny?

Another question - why do I hate Olive Garden commercials so much?

Hotcha! Hank

I Won't Maneuver Sideways To You

I won't lie to you, Let's Wrestle keeps growing on me...They make me feel young, like this video, which just looks and feels exactly like the kind of videos my friends and I made 25 years ago. The goofy exuberance of youth, with just the right amount of snarl.

Plus, I think this video might be a bit of an homage to Robyn Hitchcock, and I'm old enough to appreciate that.

Hotcha! Hank