Diversification Is The Key To Fiscal Success

At first I thought this was a hoax, and a small part of me still believes it may be just that - a body spray called FLAME by Burger King. Because, you know, they've mastered the art of making undeniably delicious food, so the next logical step is getting into the body fragrance market.

"Behold the scent of seduction, with a hint of flame-broiled meat."

That's their copy, not mine, and all I can think of is that old put-down, "You so ugly, yo mama had to tie porkchops around your neck to get the dog to play with you." My assumption is this fragrance is meant to attract women who have a higher daily caloric intake than the man who wears it. Or possibly dudes who like to fuck dogs and other assorted carnivores.

You can actually order this stuff online:

http://www.rickyshalloween.com/flame_0153_body_spray_p/flame.htm

But keep in mind that the shipping & handling cost ($8) for this product via USPS is twice as much as the price of the product itself, and as someone who has extensive experience in the shipping industry, Ricky's is making a nifty profit off their handling charge, a common industry practice that has always been a bullshit ripoff in my book.

Personally, I'm holding out for a deoderant that smells like gyros, so that I can attract hirsute Greek women such as Tina Fey.

Hotcha! Hank