Tuesday's Fortune: 30 June 2009

MEAL: 2 Vegetable Spring Rolls + 1 order (8) Crab Rangoon = $5.95 + $1.05 tip


Hotcha! Hank

2009 Laminated List # 2

Tina Fey is #2 on my 2009 Laminated List, which really shouldn't be a surprise to anyone who's followed HOT POOP for awhile...Last year Ms. Fey ended up at #3 because of a sudden fascination I had with Evangeline Lilly. I think it was largely out sympathy because of all the "Kate Hate" one can find all over the internet. LOST fans just don't like Kate, and alot of 'em also claim Ms. Lilly is a crap actress. Whatever. Ridiculous.

But this is about Tina Fey, not Evangeline Lilly. This is about bouncing back to reclaim her rightful place at #2 on this year's Laminated List because while she is an attractive woman, it is her sense of humor and her intelligence and her subtle cynicism/sarcasm/sass that makes her one-of-a-kind, and a woman for the ages...Is it too soon to call her an icon, or did the whole Sarah Palin thing cement her place in TV and Pop Culture history?

Whatever...After 3 seasons, 30 Rock is without a doubt the best and funniest comedy on television, and obviously Tina Fey is the biggest reason why...The show is her baby, and it's a great ensemble, no doubt, but Ms. Fey has proven herself to be a really great actress after years of being known mainly as a writer...Her Liz Lemon character is a loveable mess. A smart, educated woman in charge of network TV show who can't seem to catch a break in any part of her life - her writers and actors don't really respect her as their boss, her boss doesn't take her seriously either, and her lovelife can't seem to get any serious traction, nevermind her creepy loser ex-boyfriend, Dennis...And she battles back against 'em all with a sharp tongue and mouthfuls of junkfood...I've said it before, but that scene from Season 2 when she mows down an entire deli sandwich in about 15 seconds at airport security checkpoint is one of the hottest things I've ever seen in my life...

Anyways, like so many others, I find Tina Fey to be smart and funny and cute and really, what's not to love? What more needs to be said?

Hotcha! Hank

Something 4 The Weekend # 124

Japandroids: Post-Nothing: "Heart Sweats" [mp3]

June, 2001...

We were parked on a rarely-used access road that's kinda hidden in the tall grass across Anderson Road at the end of the Madison Airport runway, wasting the night away on the hood of my '77 LTD with a bottle of Maker's Mark and a baggie of a fairly potent weed she claimed was called "Blueberry Mist", though it tasted like bacon to me...I don't really have a problem with bacon-flavored weed, though...

"Bacon Mist"...

Anyways, we layed there on the hood of my '77 LTD, with our backs against the windshield, staring up at the stars and waiting for the occasional airplane to fly overhead, roaring past no more than 200 or 300 feet above our heads...We talked about older days, the early '90's in Grafton, and all the crazy shit that happened at my old beatnik pad above the Sub Shop, and the even crazier shit that happened with Nuts The Amazing Man and all those other freaks and bikers up in Fillmore and Waubeka...

Memories of good times and crazy shit from a decade past, and as we began to hear the faint hum of another approaching plane in the distance, she asked if I rememebered the time we fucked on the roof of the laundromat, and I replied "how could I forget?", and before the question could land she had her hand down my pants and wrapped around my cock.

That was eight years ago, and late last night she called from a Vancouver area code and left a drunk and/or stoned message on my voicemail, asking me if I remembered the night she gave me a handjob on the hood of '77 LTD out by the airport.

"How could I forget?" I thought to myself as I listened back to her message this morning, though to be honest, I was mostly overcome by a deep and sudden craving for a BLT sandwich.

Which is exactly what I had for lunch today...

Hotcha! Hank

The Ballad Of Ed McMahon

Hank Mohaski: Millions Sigh: "Call Me 'Mr. Second Hand' (The Ballad Of Ed McMahon)" [mp3]

I meant to post this Tuesday night, when Ed McMahon passed away, but I gotta be honest - I've been completely absorbed in The Wire. I've been watching the complete series on DVD, straight through, and Tuesday night? Let's see - I was probably somewhere in the middle of Season Three...

Anyways, I don't think I've ever posted any of my own music on HOT POOP...I'd have to check...I'm typically not one to self-promote too much...

This is a simple song I wrote and recorded to 4-track in one take with two microphones around 2002. It's a song about sidekicks, and how being second best, and knowing yr second best, can be a mighty sad place to be...It's not a great song by any means, but it's a song, innit? And it's relevant, right?

Rest In Peace, Mr. McMahon.

Hotcha! Hank

R.I.P. Sky Saxon

Sky Saxon was the singer and bassist for The Seeds, a 1960's Garage Psyche band, and quite possibly the worst lip-syncher in Rock history.

He died today. So did two other famous people.

Rest in peace.

Hotcha! Hank

Sideways Maneuver Is The Answer

Early Man, channelling Black Sabbath and Iron Maiden because it's hard to fuck that up...

Hotcha! Hank

Tuesday's Fortune: 23 June 2009

MEAL: 2 Vegetable Spring Rolls + 1 order (8) Crab Rangoon = $6.15 + .85c tip

Hotcha! Hank

Something 4 The Weekend # 123

Early Man: Closing In: "Feeding Frenzy" [mp3]

Summer of 1982, and I'm puking up blackberry brandy and a bratwurst in the Alpine Valley parking lot. Judas Priest won't hit the stage for another five or six hours...I'll sober up and get drunk again in the meantime...

I have to imagine that somewhere in America, right now, a 16 year old dude in a Misfits t-shirt is doing exactly the same thing, waiting for Early Man to take the stage and rock his face completely off...Or maybe it's Toxic Holocaust...Torche...The Jonas Brothers...Mastodon...Hammers Of Misfortune...

Doesn't matter...What's important is the puke...That's classic metal, babycakes!

Hotcha! Hank

A Word With Moshammer's Ghost

flagrant

Function: adjective

Etymology: Latin flagrant-, flagrans, present participle of flagrare to burn

Date: 1513

01: archaic; fiery hot; "Man, I'm blowing some flagrant farts today!"

02: conspicuously offensive (flagrant errors); especially so obviously inconsistent with what is right or proper as to appear to be a flouting of law or morality; "When Brad banged my ex-girlfriend, that was a flagrant disregard for the fucking bro code, dude!"

Hotcha! Hank

Sometimes I Wish I Was A Sideways Maneuver

After leading The Soft Boys, The Egyptians, and The Venus 3, what remains as true today as it was 30 years ago is the fact that Robyn Hitchcock's songs always work when stripped down to the most basic elements, vocals and guitar, and that's the sign of gifted songwriter.

Hotcha! Hank

2009 Laminated List # 3

Christina Hendricks is stacked, and that's a fact...She's a brick house...She's mighty mighty...She makes old men wish for their younger days...In other words, Christina Hendricks is a Commodores song...

She's a throwback to a time when being voluptuous in Hollywood wasn't a crime, it was the norm...When actresses ate steak and didn't blast their cores at West Hollywood gyms...In an age before silicon and saline, if a woman had an ample bosom, you can bet she also had an ass and some hips to go with it, not to mention a soft belly...And isn't that they way it should be, rather than the norm today - starlets with 22 waists and C and D cups full of chemicals...Like bags on sticks...

I wonder if fashion had anything to do with the more voluptuous look of old Hollywood, if it was the cut of the dresses and the bulkier undergarments of the era...All I know is Christina Hendricks never looks more beautiful than when she's in character as Joan Holloway on Mad Men, a show set around 1960...If the show had actually been produced in 1960, I imagine someone like Ann Margaret playing Ms. Holloway...

Anyways, the Commodores-worthy body of Christina Hendricks is one thing, and the other is her face, so pure and delicate...She really is quite lovely, like an Ivory Soap commercial.

Hotcha! Hank

Tuesday's Fortune: 16 June 2009

MEAL: 1 Roast Pork Egg Roll + 1 small order of Pork Lo Mein = $5.35 + $1.65 tip

Hotcha! Hank

2009 Laminated List # 4

There...That's 5000 words I don't have to write about Rosario Dawson's magnificence...

Hotcha! Hank

Something 4 The Weekend # 122

Robyn Hitchcock & The Egyptians: Element Of Light: "Ted, Woody, and Junior" [mp3]

Robyn Hitchcock's surreal worldview has long been a great source of delight for me...It's not that he necessarily makes me laugh out loud, though he sometimes does, but it's more like smiles and soft chuckles to myself...

"Ted, Woody and Junior" is probably my favorite Hitchcock song, in that regard...After 23 years (Sweet monkey Jesus! 23 years?!?!?!) it still satisfies me in the same small strange way it always has...For me it's the bridge of the song...

"It's a wonderful world with a lot of strange men, who are standing around, and they're all wearing towels..."

That's a good line...It's a funny image...To me, anyways...

Hotcha! Hank

2009 Laminated List # 5

What can I say? Lily Allen is cute...And she's got a potty mouth and a snotty attitude, which I like...But she's cute, and that's how she gets by...

She's "cute" more than she's "pretty" or "beautiful", I'd say...I'd also be willing to call her "lovely", and at times she's capable of being "graceful" or even "classy", though that probably has more to do with wardrobe, makeup and hairstyle than her temperment or behaviour...

Her music certainly isn't my cup of tea in general, though I do make all attempts to hear whatever is Pop and atop the charts, and I'd much rather listen to her than just about anything else that's hard to escape on the cultural landscape...I'll take Lily Allen over Katy Perry, her American counterpart...I'll take Lily over Avril and Miley and Beyonce and Ciara and Rhianna and Gwen and Fergie, and I'll even take Lily Allen over Kelly Clarkson, whom I've also got a soft spot for...

She's also got a slight gap in her front teeth. This makes a difference to me...

But mostly, Lily Allen is just cute, and a little cuteness can sometimes go a long way...Well, all the way to #5 on my 2009 Laminated List...Anyway...

Hotcha! Hank

Tuesday's Fortune: 09 June 2009

MEAL: 2 Roast Pork Egg Rolls + 1 order (8) Crab Rangoon = $5.95 + $1.05 tip

Hotcha! Hank

I've Got A Sideways Maneuver By The Tail

Roy Clark's co-host on Hee-Haw was Buck Owens, and here he is with his Buckaroos, on his own Buck Owen's Ranch Show in 1966...Hee-Haw hit the airwaves in 1969, and there can be no doubt that the Ranch Show helped Buck land the Hee-Haw gig...

And the suit sealed the deal!

Hotcha! Hank

Stuart & Clark

Yeah, Hee-Haw had more than it's share of schlock, but then it had moments like this one...

Marty Stuart and Roy Clark, blowing minds for a living...Damn!

Hotcha! Hank

Cash & Clark

Roy Clark joins Johnny Cash on Johnny's TV show, circa 1976, to do a one-of-a-kind performance of "Rock Island Line"...

Hotcha! Hank

Something 4 The Weekend # 121

Roy Clark: The Lightning Fingers Of Roy Clark: "Chicken Wire" [mp3]

My dad loves guitar slingers, especially those from his formative years in the 1950's and '60's...Guys like Chuck Berry, Bo Diddley, Duane Eddy, Scotty Moore, Chet Atkins, Eddie Cochran...And this guy, Roy Clark...

Roy seemed to hold a special place in our house...Not just with my dad, but also with my mom, and I always figured it was because my dad looks a fair bit like Roy Clark...

Roy was so beloved in our house, in fact, that I'm not exaggerating when I say that I've probably seen 99% of all the Hee-Haw episodes ever made...Every Sunday evening after dinner on the PBS station in Milwaukee, good ol' Channel 10...

Whatever...Circa 1963, when this album was released, Roy Clark did have lightning fingers, even in a town like Nashville, which has always been full of fast cats...What's great about this particular song, which is otherwise a fairly unremarkable Roots Rock song, is his imitation of a chicken at the beginning of his solo...Roy was always a pretty funny guy...So is my dad, or at least how I remembered him back then...

Nowadays he watches alot of Shirley Temple movies (WTF?!?!?!?) and plays bingo at Indian casinos...

But this album still cooks - bluegrass, rock, polka, swing, twist, surf - it's all here, and most of it's played lightning fast...

Hotcha! Hank

Six-Four

June 4th, 1974 - Hoping to jack up ticket sales at Cleveland Municipal Stadium, the Cleveland Indians offered all fans an unlimited supply of 10 cent cups of Stroh's beer. Drunken unruliness ensued and the Indians were forced to forfeit the game to the Rangers because the umpires were unable to get the crowd under control. I wish I could have been there.

June 4th, 1989 - Crowds of different protesters and activists had initially assembled in Tiananmen Square in Beijing to mourn the death of a pro-market, pro-democracy official, and they had assembled there for almost two months before the Chinese military moved in and clamped down on the crowd which had grown to more than 100,000...An estimated 2600 people died in what is sometimes called the "June Fourth Massacre", and its immediate aftermath...I don't believe we know what happened to "Tank Man", standing there at the heart of one of the most amazing images ever captured on film.

Hotcha! Hank

The Will Oldham Animation Show

Hotcha! Hank

Can't Maneuver Nothin' Sideways

I'm sure you've seen this video before, but it's hard for me to ignore two of the whitest, beardiest guys around, Will Oldham and Zack Galifianakis, lipsynching Kanye West's "Can't Tell Me" for our entertainment...I'd say it's worth another look...

Hotcha! Hank

Tuesday's Fortune: 02 June 2009

MEAL: 1 Vegetable Spring Roll + 1 small order Chicken With Chinese Vegetables = $5.45 + $1.55 tip


Hotcha! Hank

EVERYTHINGATHON! June 2009!

BIGFOOT + ANIMAL COLLECTIVE = EVERYTHINGATHON! Volume 90

http://www.everythingathon.com/podcast.htm

Hotcha! Hank