Tuesday's Fortune: 08 June 2010

MEAL: 1 order Empress Chicken = $8.55 + $1.45 tip


Hotcha! Hank

Tuesday's Fortune: 14 October 2008

MEAL: 1 Vegetable Spring Roll + 1 small order Curry Chicken = $5.65 + $1.35 tip

Hotcha! Hank

EVERYTHINGATHON! October 2008

Well, here we are babycakes, at the start of another month, and that means a new podcast has been uploaded to EVERYTHINGATHON!

http://www.everythingathon.com/podcast.htm

This month, our good friend BIGFOOT spins a solid hour of songs about Jesus, because you know the holiday season can't start soon enough, right? Besides, as the title says, Bigfoot loves Jesus...

So, go and listen/download all through the month of October, because come November 1st, Bigfoot is gone, and another podcast will be ready for streaming...Enjoy!

Hotcha! Hank

Something 4 The Weekend # 70

My best friend at work, Taber, is moving to Los Angeles this weekend...As I type this, he is probably still boxing up his absolutely fucking enormous DVD collection...

He is moving out there with the hope of becoming Seth Rogen's stunt double, and if that doesn't happen, he's hoping for the same thing most LA immigrants do - a fun job in the film or television industry, ultimately as a writer, director or producer...I wish him well, and think he's got as good a shot as anybody - he studied film in college, he's seen a billion films, he's witty and certainly capable of quality writing and informed directing/producing...He knows how the industry works, and understands the mechanics of filmmaking...I just hope he's got enough faith in himself and enough motivation to make it all work in his favor...

But what does Taber's quest for Hollywood glory have to do with Pavement, and more importantly, what does all of this have to do with me?

*snicker*

Well, I have similar Hollywood dreams - to sell scripts, to supervise and produce soundtracks and scores, blah blah blah...I'm just not motivated enough...

That, and I fucking hate Southern California...

Pavement: Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain: "Unfair" [mp3]

On the other hand, I love Northern California...From about Monterey/Santa Cruz northward...I'd love to live in San Francisco...On the edge of Chinatown, methinks...

Of course, Humboldt and Marin would be cool...Crescent City has it's charms, as does Eureka. Of course, our good friend Bigfoot spends alot more time in NorCal than he does to the south, and that's a major selling point for me...

Pavement are from Stockton, which is about 50 or so miles east of Berkeley...This song, "Unfair", is about whatever rivalry exists between northern and southern California, or at the very least, about Stephen Malkmus' loathing for SoCal, which fairly represents my own misgivings...Actually, it's about the socio-economic disparities which exist within the state, with the populous SoCal essentially exploiting the natural resources of Norcal and being a bunch of snooty douchebags all the while...

LOL...

This animosity wasn't new to Malkmus. On their previous album, Slanted And Enchanted, they went so far as the song "Two States", which is about exactly what the title implies...

Pavement: Slanted & Enchanted: "Two States" [mp3]

I wish you all the best, Taber...May you conquer the vampires of Hollywood and all that ridiculous traffic...May you identify the spies and the best taco wagons...

I'll miss our little imaginary film review show that we did in the mailroom every week...My elitist art houses tendencies taking on yr democratic and populist tastes...And yet we're about 90% alike according to Netflix...

Go figure, and give it to 'em...

Hotcha! Hank

On The 8th Day Of Christmas...

I give to thee...EIGHT PREDICTIONS FOR 2008!

HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP

01: During the Super Bowl XLII halftime show, a "wardrobe malfunction" involving one of Tom Petty's Hearbreakers, keyboardist Benmont Tench, will shock and outrage America. The rest of the world will shrug and drink more beer.

02: The WGA strike will continue in Hollywood through the winter. Just when the AMPTP are about to concede to the writers' union this coming March, studio execs realize that Americans will essentially watch whatever reality crap you throw in front of 'em. Hello, Celebrity Wife Swap, goodbye 30 Rock.

03: Jamie Lynn Spears will give birth to an entire boy band named In2It, who are a fully owned and managed property of Disney. A few people in Ohio are shocked and outraged to learn that K-Fed is the baby boy band daddy, but the rest of us merely feel a smug sense of satisfaction.

04: This summer, aliens from a planet in the Betelgeuse system, will contact earth with a message and a plea. The message - Altruism and mutual respect among all races, creeds and ethnicities is the only way human life will survive beyond the next century. The plea - Won't somebody please convince 20th Century Fox and NBC to release on DVD all 8 episodes of the 1983 television show Manimal, starring Simon MacCorkindale as Steve, the Manimal.

05: McDonalds begins selling shushi in their American restaraunts. McFotumaki is a traditional Maki-zushi roll containing grilled salmon, avacado and mild radish, and proves to be quite popular. As does The Breakfast Chirashizushi, which is nothing more and nothing less than a sublime plastic bowl full of vinegared sushi rice, sausage, scrambled eggs and sweet corn. Meanwhile, sweet pickled ginger becomes America's newest condiment sensation, and by the end of the year two dozen brands and varieties will be available on grocery store shelves nationwide.

06: In her latest attempt to remain in the public eye and maintain some sort of relevance, Paris Hilton will finance and produce a "home video" in which the young celebutante has cocaine blown up her ass with a straw by an extremely pregnant Nicole Richie. Later in the video, Richie fucks Hilton in the ass with a very large, very menacing, very pink strap-on dildo. A highlight of this scene is when Richie exclaims, "I can't feel my cock!", and Paris responds, "It's because of all the coke in my ass!" DVD copies are available all over the internet for $29.95, shipping included.

07: In September Bigfoot "outs" himself at a press conference in Vancouver, claims Canadian citizenship, and announces a book deal with St. Martin's Press rumored to be worth $20 million. He does not take any questions from the press at that time, but the following week is interviewed by Diane Sawyer on Good Morning, America for a reported $3 Million. In the interview, Bigfoot appears to be drunk, and becomes visibly agitated when Sawyer questions him about his whereabouts during Vietnam and his supposed affair with Sharon Stone in the early 1990's.

08: John Edwards will be elected the next President of the United States, with Hillary Clinton his VP running mate.

Hotcha! Hank

HANK RANKS, No.10

My 14 Favorite Baseball Caps Worn By Judah Friedlander On "30 Rock"

<<<<<>>>>>

Comedian/Actor Judah Friedlander plays Frank Rossitano on the NBC sitcom, 30 Rock. The character is a staff writer for a late-night sketch comedy show, and in general, Friedlander plays him off as raw, real, honest, which also means he's a dude who'll pick up luncheon meat from the floor of a television studio and stuff it into his mouth without giving it a second thought.

Anyways...Frank always, always always sports a baseball cap with some sort of text on the front...If I counted correctly (yeah, I can get obsessive with really stupid things) Frank wore 30 different caps during 30 Rock's first season...

Here are my fourteen favorites:

14: Bahama Trapezoid
13: Beef N Bean
12: Liz Rocks
11: Time Travel Agent
10: Alien Knight Force
09: Beef Ravioli
08: Alabama Legsweep
07: 1,000,000 Points
06: Mystery Solver
05: Karate Sluts
04: Hand Held
03: E.S.P. Tutor
02: UFO Cop
01: Bigfoot Expert

Hotcha!

Hank

Man, We Loved the Weekly World News in the '80's, Didn't We?

For those of you too young to remember, there was a time (an extremely brief amount of time) when Mojo Nixon was a minor star, or at least enough of a star to land Winona Ryder for the lead role in a video for a song about Debbie Gibson being pregnant with a two-headed lovechild.

What's interesting here is that this two-headed lovechild, while admittedly being the offspring of Mr. Nixon, is nonetheless a "bigfoot" baby (all covered in fur now), which begs the question - Is Mojo Nixon admitting that he is, in fact, the legendary Bigfoot, or at the very least, a son of Bigfoot?

If you ask me, there's only one person in that video who might very well have Sasquatch DNA, and that would be Skid Roper. In a better world, Skid Roper would have been a major star.

Hotcha! Hank

Grand Theft Sideways Maneuver

Here's a nifty little video that explores some of the mysteries of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, like Bigfoot and aliens. Good fun. Enjoy!

Hotcha! Hank

EVERYTHINGATHON! April 2007

April's episode of EVERYTHINGATHON! is up and running at THEE BST, so go now, babycakes, and stream or download to yr heart's content...

This month it's BIGFOOT [HEARTS] MOUNTAINS, and it's not one of the ten best episodes of all-time, but it is another solid hour of something else...Well, it's bigfoot, and two long songs about mountains...I think it lives up to the EVERYTHINGATHON! brand in name and spirit, so there ya go...

Available until May 1st.

Hotcha! Hank

EVERYTHINGATHON! August 2006

EPIC SUMMER.

Can.

EPIC SUMMER.

Tortoise.

EPIC SUMMER.

Sonic Youth.

EPIC SUMMER.

EVERYTHINGATHON! AUGUST 2006!

Hotcha! Hank