31 December 2006

On The Seventh Day of Christmas...

Mohaski gave to thee...Seven insanely good burgers of my own creation...

1) Fat Dan

3/4 pound burger on a grilled Kaiser roll, complimented with bacon, lettuce, tomato and a generous slathering of Remoulade dressing...

2) Acapulco Boom Boom

1/3 pound hamburger meat mixed with diced white onions and Jalapeno peppers before grilling, served on a grilled hamburger bun, and complimented with shredded lettuce, guacamole, a splash of lime juice, and a generous amount of queso fresco.

3) Sitting Bull w/ Cheese

1/2 pound of ground buffalo meat, well-done, served on grilled sourdough, and complimented with a slice of grilled bermuda onion, tomato, bacon, and a very generous slice of cheddar cheese...

4) Polska Delight

1/3 pound burger on a grilled Kaiser roll, complimented with warm saurkraut, grilled onions, dill pickle slices, and spicy brown mustard.

5) The Sloppy Demise

1/2 pound burger on an ungrilled Kaiser roll, complimented with ketchup, yellow mustard, a healthy dose of sloppy joe (yay, more beef!), and two slices of American cheese.

6) The Enchanted Imperial

1/3 pound burger on a grilled hamburger bun, complimented with Psilocybin mushrooms, and a generous slice of Swiss cheese.

7) LaRue, Jr.

1/2 pound burger on grilled French bread, complimented with Canadian bacon, diced shallots, truffle shavings, and bleu cheese crumbles.


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Celebrity Blog Rip-Off Maneauver # 3

This is Jessica Biel spending her Christmas vacation in Hawaii. Bitch better be careful cuz that poi is already lumping up in her fat ass. Yeah, you better work out in that wet sand, Bertha!


Hotcha! Hank

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30 December 2006

On The Sixth Day of Christmas...

Mohaski gave to thee...A six-legged deer, two three-legged dogs, and what the hell, three corporate logos.

Hotcha! Hank

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29 December 2006

Something 4 The Weekend # 20

As I write this post the story broke that Saddam Hussein was executed in Iraq, at the end of a noose, which somehow seems like a fitting end to a violent year. I certainly won't come to Hussein's defense, but I will note that the 142 deaths for which he was convicted occurred in 1982, a year when Hussein was one of the United States' allies. He was our ally because Iran was our enemy at the time, and even though the US knew the man was evil, he was a necessary evil.

I'm certainly no expert on geopolitics, and I'm not exactly sure what any of this has to do with the coming new year, or this particular post, the last SOMETHING 4 THE WEEKEND of 2006, but I've been listening to The Thermals' latest album, The Body, The Blood, The Machine, quite a bit lately, and this song in particular, piques my curiosity and imagination.

The Thermals: "Power Doesn't Run On Nothing": 128k mp3

I hope I don't sound too trite when I say that power runs on human blood, and broken bones, and shattered families, and the inherent unfairness that governs this world and our lives. As you read this, carbombs are exploding somewhere in Iraq, innocent Iraqi's and American soldiers are dying, and that country is being pulled further into the bleak, black abyss. As you read this, young American men and women are being trained to carry out the will and whim of the current Bush administration, which includes plenty more sacrificial blood and bones, and shattered lives. Of course, the same is true on the insurgent's side. All in the name of God, which plenty people easily forget is the same God on both sides of the Iraqi war. Same God, different names. Now THAT'S power. And the rest of us are merely fodder.

I hope that 2007 is a good and better year for you, and me, and all the fodder in the world, but I hope this with full knowledge that it really won't be the case. Not really. There's plenty more blood to be spilled, plenty more innocent lives to be destroyed, and even though you might get that promotion, that raise, and even though I might fall in love, none of it really matters. The occupation continues, the insurgency continues, and all I'm left with is the belief that "evil" is the rule, not the exception.

Hotcha New Year!

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On The Fifth Day of Christmas...

28 December 2006

On The Fourth Day of Christmas...

...Mohaski gave to thee...Four sitcom pitches...

1) It's A Dog's Life

A professional dog walker to the stars, named Cindy, finds her personal life in constant disarray, which the show will mine for comedic purposes. Features a voice-over narrator who happens to be her own dog, Cornelius, and weekly cameos from assorted celebrities and their dogs. Set in New York City or Los Angeles, but probably NYC because nobody walks in L.A.

2) The Warehouse

A spinoff of The Office, featuring Roy, Daryl, and the other warehouse employees. Naturally features regular appearances by various characters from The Office, but will mainly concentrate on the comedic possibilities of inventory management, tape gun wrangling, and forklift mishaps.

3) The Beard

Meet Candy, a superhot MILF married to one of the biggest, most closeted homosexuals in Hollywood. Watch their dysfunctional home life, full of humorous misunderstandings and poisonous put-downs, then witness the shiny, happy faces they wear in public. Pure comedy gold, but also a fairly serious examination of gender politics in modern America.

4) Are You For Real?

Dan's best friend, Tony, may be real, or he may just be a figment of Dan's addled mind. Through imaginative use of CGI, smart writing and crafty editing, the audience is never quite sure if Tony is real or not. Did I mention that Dan is a psychiatrist?


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27 December 2006

On The Third Day of Christmas...

...Mohaski gave to thee...Three new beards...

Hotcha! Hank

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26 December 2006

On The Second Day of Christmas...

...Mohaski gave to thee...Two brunette MILFs.

Monica Bellucci

Ann Curry

Hotcha! Hank

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25 December 2006

On The First Day Of Christmas...

...Mohaski gave to thee...A lost Bob Hope MUCKO! from the summer of 2003.


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22 December 2006

Something 4 The Weekend # 19

Yes, it's been a bit quiet here at HOT POOP this past week, but it's the holiday season, and well, you know how it goes this time of year. There's been alot of boozin' and floozin' and general merriment, and hey, it's been unseasonably warm here in southern Wisconsin, so I've been trying to get in as much sunbathing as possible, in hopes that my 2006 tan will last well into February.

So, this is the last SOMETHING 4 THE WEEKEND before Christmas, and I figured it would be right and trite to share a holiday song this week. Now, if you asked a fair number of Generation Xers, like say, like 1000, I guarantee that at least 37 of 'em, and possibly as many as 712, would tell you that The Pogues' "Fairytale Of New York" is the greatest Christmas song of all time. I would be one of them.

So...From Shane MacGowan's rotten mouth to yr sickly heart, here 'tis...

The Pogues: "Fairytale Of New York": 128k mp3

Hotcha Holidays!

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16 December 2006

Something 4 The Weekend # 18

Couch Flambeau roared out of the volcanic Greendale, Wisconsin Punk/Metal scene in 1983, proving instantly that they were the absolute finest and most important rock band in the entire greater Milwaukee area at that time, Violent Femmes be damned to hell for all eternity.

Couch Flambeau: I Don't Want To Be An Eddie: 128k mp3

Sure, all the girls loved the Femmes, but for sheer rock power action, to say nothing of dumb, dumb, dumb lyrical genius, Couch Flambeau were the band to watch, the band to beat, the band to rock out with yr cock out. Couch Flambeau were the band you wanted playing on the stereo at 1am when everyone at yr basement party was fucked up on shrooms, Jaegermeister and Miller Lite. In other words, if you wanted yr drunken dance orgy to keep rocking righteously at the very moment when the chemicals were working at their maximum, "Gone Daddy Gone" just wasn't gonna cut it. Well, it probably would, but for the sake of this argument, no, it would not.

Couch Flambeau: Vipers: 128k mp3

In the grand scheme of my own life in rock'n'roll, I cannot overstate the importance and influence of Couch Flambeau. My first band, The Nads, adhered to the Couch Flambeau rule that "brevity is the soul of RAWK", and my second band, Mumniti, adhered to the Couch Flambeau idea that "dumb is smart". We even ripped off two or three of their riffs, but that's ancient history at this point. In my solo career, Jay Tiller's unhinged guitar playing was as big an influence as that of d. Boon or Eddie Van Halen, and that counts for everything.

Couch Flambeau: Be Responsible: 128k mp3

So, here we are, 20+ years after Couch Flambeau changed the face of Brew City Rock'n'Roll forever, and I finally got around to transferring their brilliant Curiosity Rocks cassette to my harddrive, and you, dear listener, are so damn lucky.

Couch Flambeau: Mayor Meyer: 128k mp3


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14 December 2006

A Taste of Tomorrow

I finally got around to transferring Couch Flambeau's Curiosity Rocks cassette to my harddrive.

[poster courtesy of Ron Ford @ Milwaukee Rock Posters.]

Hotcha! Hell ya!

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Where were you?

Hotcha! Hank

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Robot Gene Simmons

Here's 52 seconds of yr life you won't care about getting back.

Hotcha! Hank

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STARZ: Pull The Plug

So, here's the Hot Poop...

Once again, YouTube wins the fucking day. Somebody named ProperGroupie (could it be an actual Naked Groupie On Fire? We'll never know...) has uploaded, among other things old and therefore classic, a bunch of STARZ promo video clips from the 1970's. Marvel at Richie Ranno's above average guitar skills...Be mesmerized at the sight of Michael Lee Smith's chipped tooth. Remember that this was one of my favorite bands when I was in 6th grade.

Hotcha! Hank

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Hey babycakes, ya still have a couple of weeks to listen to this month's EVERYTHINGATHON! podcast at THEE BUTTERSCOTCH THRESHOLD...

This month it's DJ ZEUS, and his Immaculate Ejaculate Spectacular, which sounds more exciting than it probably, actually, is...

The Flying Spaghetti Monster does make a short appearance, and that's always good for something...

Anyways, check it out while ya can...Coming January 1st, of course, we'll be counting down the top song requests at WBST, Thee BST's radio station, with everyone's favorite disc jockey, Mitch Luvitz. WooHoo!


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08 December 2006

Something 4 The Weekend # 17

This week's SOMETHING 4 THE WEEKEND started innocently enough. I was simply going to stream a song by the 1970's Pop-Metal band, Starz, and tell you that they were one of my favorite bands when I was about 11/12 years old.

The issue then became, what song do I choose to share with you, dear reader? I won't bore you with the details of this dilemma, except to say that the song I chose, "So Young, So Bad" was only one of about eight candidates.

STARZ: "So Young, So Bad": 128k mp3

At this point I should mention that in 1977, at the age of eleven, KISS was still my favorite band, though just barely. Punk exploded that year, and Heavy Metal was about to rear its ugly head in earnest, to say nothing of Disco and New Wave.

Anyways, "So Young, So Bad" is a song about a 15 year old groupie, and it immediately brought to mind KISS' "Christine Sixteen", another song about another underaged girl, and of course, it seems natural to me that I offer you MP3s of both songs.

KISS: "Christine Sixteen": 128k mp3

I'm pretty certain that underaged groupies still exist today. I mean, as you read this I think it's safe to say that Pete Wentz is buggering a sophomore from Downers Grove High School. With vigor. But I also think it's safe to say that these days nobody is really writing paeons about buggering Downers Grove sophomores. Nowadays, it's all about emotions.

Yeah, it's times like these I actually believe Rock'n'Roll is dead.

Whatever. Nevermind.


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Young @ Heart: Schizophrenia

This is one of those things that makes life worth living: A senior citizen group called Young @ Heart sing their version of Sonic Youth's "Schizophrenia". Absurdly beautiful. Beautifully absurd.

Thanks to Pitchfork for the hookup.

Hotcha! Hank

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05 December 2006

Plastic Carrot

Famed prop comic Carrot Top signals that once his breast augmentation surgery is complete, his transformation into Jocelyn Wildenstein will be a total success.


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03 December 2006


Here's a nifty keen warning label generator for all your warning label needs.


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02 December 2006

The Decemberists: Los Angeles, I'm Yours

An animated video for The Decemberists' song, "Los Angeles, I'm Yours".

I'm not exactly sure what this video is all about, but my comprehension doesn't matter.


Hotcha! Hank

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Something 4 The Weekend # 16

My assumption is that my old friend, The Reverend Screamin' Ben Jenkins, is at this very moment, passed out in a snowbank somewhere on the east side of Milwaukee. Fourteen boilermakers tend to do that to a man, ya know? Even a man with a legendary liver.

Winter is truly upon us - at least a foot of snow fell on southeastern Wisconsin this Friday, bringing into question the wisdom of The Farmer's Almanac and my mechanic, Clark, both of whom are predicting a mild winter this year.

Anyways, in honor of RSBJ, The Farmer's Almanac, and Clark, this week I present to you, The Decemberists, doing a very nice song off their latest album, The Crane Wife, entitled "Summersong". Enjoy, and if yr anywhere in the northern half of these United States, just keep dreaming of spring. My gut is telling me the next three months are gonna be brutal.

The Decemberists: "Summersong": 128k mp3


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